


Hollow Skies

by SanguineNoctis



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Whump, M/M, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Slavery, Sorry Loki!, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:07:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 63,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanguineNoctis/pseuds/SanguineNoctis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki's been captured by one of the Avengers but his punishment turns out to be far worse than he could ever imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (About slash: my own opinion is that slash relationships are between two consenting parties. Therefore, I'll go ahead and say there's no slash in this story, just m/m rape/non-con.)
> 
> There's actually not a lot of explicit rape scenes in this fic, just a couple, but it's still pretty disturbing even without specific scenes (at least I think so). There's also some torture, although perhaps not the obvious kind. It is a h/c story, however, so keep that in mind as well.
> 
> Important Note: This story is a bit AU. The only difference from the movie is that Thor and Loki couldn't return to Asgard with the Tesseract, they were forced to stay on Earth. More will be explained in-story. Everything else is the same.

Loki lay quietly on his side on the cold concrete floor. He often wished he could revert to his Jotun form, for more than one reason, but for now, he would have appreciated its resistance to the cold. He had, long ago, become accustomed to the dark, relying on the nearly imperceptible red light from the camera embedded into the corner of the ceiling.

He shivered, and for the hundredth time wished he had even a scrap of clothing to cover himself with. Even just his hands or his feet, anything but this open frailty, this raw exposure to anything and everything.

 _How long have I been here?_  he wondered. It felt almost like years, but he suspected it had only been a few months. Few  _agonizing_ months of the most unbearable kind of torture. He would have taken anything but  _this_. Anything at all: his lips sewn shut again, being tied to that dreaded rock while the serpent's poison dripped into his eyes, the cold unblinking abyss... _anything_.

Certainly the pain itself was bearable, if only by a margin, but being  _used_  like this... of being nothing but someone's plaything, a slave to their whim, to feel every ache and know there was nothing he could do to stop it - the combined effect was unimaginable.

The beeping sounds - the sounds of someone gaining access to the room - echoed through his head, grinding against his forgotten will.  _No no no no no...not again, not again..._

He tried to sit up, to hide away from the frequent intruder, but his last session had been particularly brutal, and he had not had sufficient time to heal. So he just lay there, struggling futilely against the collar around his neck. Connected to the collar was a long metal chain, which was then connected to the center of the concrete room.

Loki finally managed to back away somewhat, a little against the wall - meager protection - just as the familiar man entered through the door, which slid shut behind him.

* * *

"JARVIS, lights," said Tony Stark. As usual the blinding lights switched on, Loki covered his face with both arms. He didn't like the brightness, but he also hated looking at his captor. Every time he came here, the inventor's attitude was one of three: angry, bored, or extremely drunk. The trickster wasn't sure which one he hated the most. Anger made the man come and go quicker, but he was also more violent. Bored might have been the best, except such an attitude was unnervingly inappropriate given the situation. Extremely drunk was bad simply because it was so chaotic. His emotions ranged from spastically happy to sorrowful to hatefully seductive - the last of which often gave Loki the impression Stark sometimes believed the mischief god had volunteered this treatment.

But it didn't really matter, the result was always the same.

Loki cowered behind his arms and attempted to make himself smaller against the wall. Stark moved closer,  _bored it is then_ , Loki silently noted.

The moment the man of iron began unbuckling his belt, Loki whimpered and tried to slide away further, somewhere closer the corner. It was futile, the trickster knew, but it was an instinct he could no longer control. Begging was also useless, Loki learned very quickly, and sometimes spurred the man on, but it was another thing the trickster often couldn't help.

The mischief god felt tears already falling down his face in anticipation of the familiar pain.

He wanted to beg, say  _something_ , but no... _useless! He'll never stop, it doesn't matter! You can't do anything!_

The clinking of metal and a slight tug of warning on his collar kept Loki compliant when he felt warm hands turning him over onto his stomach.  _No no no! Somebody help me!_  The fingers were now on his hips pulling him up to his knees, his face buried into the cold floor.

_No, please..._

The stabbing pain of the man suddenly inside him shot up his spine and Loki cried out. It was too much. He had long ago lost count of how many times it had happened, how many times the mortal had visited him,  _hurt_  him. Given the human's nature, it shouldn't have been surprising that he occasionally used... _objects_  instead. Loki tried his best to ignore those strange assaults and he couldn't decide if they were worse or better than what Stark usually did to him.

Loki sobbed into the floor and quietly wondered why Stark had entered him so easily.  _What could it-_  But then he remembered the short time span between visits, no doubt his blood still lingered. His thoughts distracted him only for a moment, as the sudden sharp pull of the chain on his collar jerked him back onto Stark's member. Loki tried to cry out, but the sound caught in his throat as the collar choked him.

Now the inventor was speeding up, his pounding getting rougher with each passing second. Loki could do nothing but continue to cry openly against the now wet floor and hope that it would be over soon. It hurt so much it  _burned_ , but each potential scream was stifled by the collar around his neck. This was another of Stark's favorite things to do, to control Loki's movements with the chain and collar, although he just as often used the trickster's hair.

As the assault continued, Loki found himself asking familiar questions that frequently invaded his once confident mind. Why did Stark do this to him? Why punish him in such a way when it seemed that most Midgardians appeared to frown on such actions. When the mischief god had first met Tony Stark in his tower, he would have never guessed what darkness lurked beneath that casually drunken charisma, that blue orb hidden beneath humble clothing. If he had known...well, Loki wasn't afraid to admit it, he would have  _thrown_  the Tesseract at him and run to Thor's side begging to be sent home.  _Any_  Aesir punishment would have been better than this.

And what had happened? How had he gotten here? Where did it all begin? Oh yes, the Chitauri. Loki had been running from them after he had escaped using his magic, but no world was safe, no matter where he teleported to. So, why not hide on Midgard? The last place he would be expected to hide? Where it all started? And if nothing else, the so-called  _Avengers_  might keep them busy for a while, or at least until he could think up a better plan than simply running.

The Chitauri had caught up to him while on some planet he couldn't identify, and just as Loki was about to teleport to Earth, he was struck by one of their weapons. Normally he would have been able to shrug it off, but using his magic in that way caused his barriers to come down and the foreign energy to enter his body, causing him pain while simultaneously draining him of his magic. He  _had_  gotten through, of course, to Midgard, but his concentration had been broken and at the last moment he accidentally teleported himself to Stark's tower - the first familiar place that entered his mind.

Initially, it didn't seem too big a deal, until the Avenger clasped metal on Loki's wrists and pushed him into this cell. Loki wasn't too worried then, his magic would have returned, and he could break free. Unfortunately, Stark had been using the last few months to perfect an anti-magic collar just for such an occasion - the same collar he was wearing now. It stung and it bit into him when Stark first forced it on him. He demanded the collar be taken off but it was too late.

And now here he was. Little more than Stark's plaything, his slave. The first time he forced himself on Loki, the god of mischief had been furious and promised vengeance so vile. The next couple of times Loki threatened him with Thor - saying his brother would bludgeon him into the floor when the thunder god found out. So, Stark had put a muzzle on him to shut him up. After the first dozen times or so, he took it off, knowing Loki wouldn't resist. He still didn't remember when exactly his shackles had been removed.

Loki almost sighed with relief when Stark spilled into him, it meant it was over,  _finally_. The trickster sniffled and rubbed the tears from his eyes then didn't bother catching himself when he collapsed to his side. It hurt, but he didn't care. Stark was leaving, the metal door sliding behind.

Loki smiled. It was a ridiculous thing to do, he knew, but he vowed to himself that he would do some things to keep himself sane. To celebrate every good moment, no matter that they weren't really things to be happy for. Stark leaving was  _always_ a reason to celebrate in Loki's mind, so he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About any OOC-ness: obviously we're sort of jumping in the middle of the story here, so a lot's happened. So unless you think that people are incapable of changing based on extreme circumstances, I'd say Loki isn't too OOC - but of course that's a matter of opinion. Tony... well, that's another thing entirely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! More Loki-whump, poor thing. He certainly has a hard time in fics, huh?
> 
> I won't be updating this quickly for the rest of the story since I'll probably be too busy. I'll try at least once a week, but I'm sure it'll be longer in some instances.

Sometimes, on a very rare occasion, Stark would enter Loki's cell and do nothing but talk to him. This, Loki began to notice, was actually one of his 'drunk moods' in which the inventor apparently needed someone to talk to, his computer man presumably too lacking in body to be a satisfying conversationalist.

And now, three days since the last assault, saw the mortal entering Loki's cell to do just that: talk.

The trickster was wary at first, as usual, taking his spot at the far corner of the cell, but upon realizing which Tony he was dealing with, he relaxed somewhat. Even so, Stark had, on one occasion, proceeded to violate the god in the middle of their conversation - all the while  _still talking_ , as though nothing strange was happening - and Loki was not looking to repeat that experience.

So Loki leaned quietly against the wall, happy that he even  _could_  sit now, his body healed up for the most part. His thighs touched his chest and he rested both hands lightly on his knees, trying with everything in him to appear unattractive. He wasn't certain  _what_  Stark liked, the man did not seem very selective about...well  _anything_.

The inventor had cut the god's hair slightly shorter after the first couple of weeks, although Loki, by that time, knew better than to say anything about it. The scissors had given him pause, and he had been worried what he might do with them, and then had nearly laughed at himself when nothing bad had happened.

 _What's he talking about now?_  Loki wondered, as he mostly tuned the inventor out when he spoke.

"...and, Thor, y'know...just  _completely_ ruined it for me." Loki stiffened up at the mention of his not-brother's name. That name only belonged in his own thoughts, his memories. That's where it stayed because that's where he wanted it to stay. However illogical it was, Loki, when the pain was so bad he could only scream, could not help but blame Thor for not helping him, for not  _rescuing_ him. Afterward, he  _knew_ it was ridiculous to blame Thor, there was no way for him to know he was here, but still... So he began to put his not-brother at the back of his mind, up on a pedestal or in a vault where he wouldn't have to think about him, where he couldn't reach him. No, he had told himself. Thor can't get to you because he's  _over there_.  _You_  put him there, so don't complain that he hasn't saved you.

He wanted that _, needed_  that separation. The thunder god was the only being in the Nine Realms that still cared for him, no matter what Loki had done, he couldn't afford to start blaming him for things he couldn't do - or had no control over.

Loki started to cry, he couldn't stop it. He  _missed_  his brother. He missed Frigga, hel, he even missed Sif and the Warriors Three. At the beginning, especially when Stark came to him, Loki would fantasize about Thor saving him, about his golden brother rescuing him with Mjolnir singing. Sometimes Sif and the others were there, and sometimes, even the other Avengers, as strange as it was. He had begun to wonder about the other Avengers, if they would help him if they ever found him in the tower. The soldier he knew would probably help immediately, but the man hiding the monster... Loki hadn't met him, but from what Barton had told him, he was a fairly mildly mannered mortal, so Loki guessed - or perhaps hoped - he might help too. And oh how wonderful it would be if the monster itself smashed the man of iron into the floor. Barton and Romanoff Loki was certain would not help. The two might even join Stark in his punishment of the unfortunate god.

Lost in thought, Loki suddenly realized he was alone and the lights blinked off.

* * *

So it continued for a length of time the god of mischief couldn't measure. Stark was annoyingly unpredictable. Sometimes he would restrain Loki further for no apparent reason, despite the fact the god wouldn't resist anyway. The muzzle made its appearance every so often, even though it was pointless. Sometimes the inventor would beat Loki first, then take him, other times that process would be reversed. Several times Loki awoke to Stark pounding into him - a most unpleasant wake-up call - which the trickster quickly guessed was a result of the man's drunkenness. A few times, and more recently, Loki began to notice the mortal speaking to him, only to realize he hadn't been speaking to  _Loki_  so much as to himself.

The one thing Stark never did, however, was take Loki out of this room, until one day.

Four days had passed since Stark had last visited the mischief god, and Loki lay quietly, as usual, waiting for whatever strange new abuse the engineer would try on him. Instead he heard a mechanical sound like metal releasing metal, followed by a light tug on his collar. The lights turned on, revealing the seemingly not-drunk Tony Stark holding the end of Loki's chain-leash.

"So. Today you get to go outside," Stark said. Loki furrowed his brow. "Well, outside this  _room_ , at least." He tugged on the chain a little at the god's reluctance to move. "Come on."

Loki was thoroughly confused, Stark had  _never_  allowed him outside his cell,  _why now?_  He was suddenly wary of what the mortal might have planned for him, but decided it would be worse to disobey. So he stood up gingerly, making certain first that he  _could_  stand up, then he followed the inventor out of the room.

There was a long grey corridor stretching straight out from the cell, with intermitten lights mounted on the left wall. To his right looked like several storage rooms, and Loki surmised that they were in some sort of basement.

The god followed quietly behind Stark, who still held the chain in his hand, and looked about with curious eyes. Loki kept his hands balled in fists near his stomach and kept his head low.  _Maybe_ , Loki found his thoughts wandering without permission,  _maybe I could find a way to escape. If I collect enough information-_

The two were now entering a small room with a metal door, which Loki soon remembered as an 'elevator'. A form of transportation within mortal buildings. The ride was fairly short,  _why not use the stairs?_

As the two metal doors slid open, Stark led Loki out into a spacious living room. The god hunched his shoulders even more and brought his nervous hands up to his chest as he looked around in this new environment. To the left were floor to ceiling glass windows, with a long elegant couch sat in front of it. A large piano was nearby, as well as - Loki stared to the right,  _the front door?_  As the inventor led the god across the obviously expensive room, Loki began to realize this was, in fact,  _not_  Stark's tower. Out the windows he could see the grey sky and the deep blue ocean, for one thing.  _Where are we?_  Loki was certain he was in the tower. He searched his memory, sifting through weeks, if not months, of torture to find a time that he was -  _ah._  Loki sighed,  _the first week._  About one week after he was captured Stark had used some horrible device on the god that felt similar to Mjolnir's lightning. It had taken quite some time but Loki had finally lost consciousness.  _So, he moved me here._  The cells were identical in every way, although Loki would have had a difficult time making any comparisons since he was always kept in the dark, and when it  _was_  bright, Stark was always there; it wasn't the best time to memorize his surroundings.

Stark seemed to notice the god's confusion, "This is my  _other_ home, did you think  _I_  would live in that tower twenty-four seven?" Loki glanced at him then continued looking around. "Anyway, this way."

The inventor led the god down some stairs, then into a small boxed in space that had glass walls.  _Why did we just use that elevator if now we use stairs?_  Loki eyed the large room through the glass. Stark entered a code onto the panel next to the glass door, which promptly slid open to let the two in.

The room was very large, and long. Several cars lined the far side of the room, while the rest of the space was dominated by work tables, scrap metal, and tools. To the right were a couch and table. Loki stepped as far away as the chain would allow, to get a better look at all the metal pieces strewn about - which clearly belonged to Stark's Iron Man suits.

"Okay, so here's the deal," Stark began. He pointed at Loki, who snapped to attention. " _You_  help me down here, be my assistant or whatever,  _I_  let you out of that cage so you  _can_ assist me."

Loki narrowed his eyes at that logic. Of course it didn't exactly make sense, but he couldn't deny that he liked being out of that hel hole. No doubt the inventor would still do as he pleased with him even out here, but at least it was a change of scenery.

Loki nodded.

"Good. Now hand me that," Stark pointed. Loki obliged.

* * *

One week passed and Stark had let Loki 'assist' him three times already. The god was once again becoming accustomed to a brighter setting, as he dutifully listened to all of Stark's instructions. He had assaulted Loki only once while in the workshop, during a particularly potent drunken stupor, although he had not finished and had passed out halfway through. Loki had slipped the chain out of Stark's hand, and although he was beyond nervous, he inched toward the glass exit, wondering if he could at least open the door. But, as he suspected, a key-code was required, and Stark apparently changed it often.

The mortal also remembered to feed Loki more frequently while he was in the workshop. The longest Loki had gone without food and water since his imprisonment was a week or so, and clearly Stark did not care to remember the basic necessity. So the trickster was pleasantly surprised when on the second day of assisting, Stark brought him some bread and water. Loki thanked him, the mortal didn't respond.

Two days after that Loki was hunched over a worktable, handling a large piece of metal that Tony had told him to clean. Whether or not the engineer had told him to, Loki would have cleaned it until he could see his reflection, as the trickster was particularly meticulous when it came to cleanliness. Or, at least, he tried to be. His cell wasn't exactly the cleanest place to be, regardless of what Loki had tried in the beginning. He had quickly given up, choosing to ignore the disgusting environment. Stark had taken to spraying Loki, and the room, down with a water hose - which the trickster immediately hated after the first try. The water was cold and Stark was not gentle. It was fortunate the mortal had built a drain into one corner of the room. Even so, after the initial shock had worn off, it was nice to feel clean - or at least the illusion of it.

The metal in Loki's hands shone brightly and the god let a small smile cross his face.  _Yes, the little things, smile for the little things_ , he repeated to himself. Stark had left him alone in the worshop for a few minutes, and the inventor was now coming down the stairs - or, at least,  _stumbling_  down the stairs, Loki noticed.  _Drunk again_ , he sighed. Stark did strange things when he was drunk, Loki decided he hated that mood the most.

The mortal tapped the code onto the keypad...then he tried again, then again, he cursed, then tried it again. On the third try the panel lit green, and Stark entered - only to trip over himself and fall face-first onto the floor.

Loki jumped up, uncertain what to do. _Should I help him?_ Maybe he would be kinder if - Loki's eyes darted to the door.  _Open..._  Stark's foot was caught in the door.

The trickster's pulse sky-rocketed, his fight or flight instinct kicking in.  _I can run, I can run...No no no...He'll be angry, what do you think he'll do?_   _No! Run! It doesn't matter! No stay. No run!_  Loki's legs made the decision for him as he leapt over the prone figure and jerked the glass door open. He didn't hear Stark groan as he bounded up the stairs in a panicked desperation.

 _Run run run run run..._  The words repeated in his head, never stopping. He ran straight for the front door, not caring about the fact that he was still naked.  _Nothing_  mattered now except escaping.

The door was calling to him, only an arm's reach away -

 _"You are not permitted to leave the premises,"_  said JARVIS.

Loki's mind screamed,  _no no no no no no! No please!_  The door wouldn't budge. Loki tried to kick at it, punch it, force it open somehow, but it wouldn't move.  _The glass the glass. Window window window._  Loki jerked around and ran for the large windows that led out to the cliffside.  _Yes yes, outside outside. Glass breaks, break it break it break it._

As if the man in the ceiling had heard Loki's thoughts, his voice rang out.

_"Please step away from the glass, you are not permitted to leave the premises."_

Loki wasn't listening, he grabbed a small table and lifted it to throw through the - something collided with him, causing him to drop the table as it smashed into pieces against the floor.

_No no no no no no! Stark is here Stark is here no no no can't get away never get away. No please please please somebody help me!_

The mortal was off of him the next moment, but an excruciating pain filled the trickster's body. The fake lightning that Stark had used the first week ripped through every part of Loki with blinding agony.

He heard the man speaking, saying something angrily -  _growling_  at him - but Loki was too busy passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say I took some liberties with the layout of Stark's home since I didn't feel like going back and sifting through the Iron Man movies to get it exactly right. Still, I think it's mostly accurate, if a little different - and who's to say he doesn't change it around every so often? ;)


	3. Chapter 3

The god of mischief awoke in darkness. He sighed.  _My cell then..._  He tried to sit up, but gasped and changed his mind when pain shot through every inch of his body. He also felt...wet. And because of it, cold. He groaned and winced as even the smallest movement sent shooting pain through every nerve. It was obvious that Stark had decided to both beat and rape him while he was unconscious and Loki was glad he didn't remember any of it. He really didn't expect any less. He had endured both injustices many times during his captivity, but Stark had rarely brutalized him to such an extreme - or at least not recently. Loki couldn't even  _move_ , and he could barely breathe, apparently a result of being strangled.

So he lay there while trying to think how long it would take to heal this time. But before he could make an estimation, he lost consciousness again.

* * *

Three days later and Loki still wasn't properly healed. He could barely sit, and he  _certainly_ couldn't stand. The darkness was eating at him, the quiet solitude even worse. He cursed himself and every instinct in his body for allowing that escape attempt. If he hadn't tried it... He shook his head in the dark. Suddenly every possible scenario ran through his head. What if he had not run? What if, instead, he had killed Stark while he was vulnerable and drunk on the floor? Loki growled at himself,  _why didn't I?_  But some part of him shivered at the idea. Next, he scolded himself for not trying the window first.  _Of course_  the door would be barred by that JARVIS creature. If he had broken the window, gotten outside... Loki knew he could survive the fall into the water, he'd survived worse falls, after all. But then... Stark would have dawned his iron suit and flown after him. Loki shook his head.  _No, that wouldn't work either._

There were so many possibilities, yet all lead to one conclusion: recapture.

Loki laughed and cried at his stupidity.  _Why did I not consider all this earlier?_  If he had, he could have avoided even attempting escape in the first place, or at least come up with a better plan that didn't involve such mindless 'run run and run some more' tactics. It was a plan someone like Thor would come up-

His body went rigid.  _No._

He didn't want to think about  _him_ , about his brother who hadn't rescued him.  _Not his fault not his fault._  But it didn't matter. Loki painstakingly moved onto his side and curled into a ball. It hurt to cry, the ache spreading across his torso with each sob, but he didn't care, he  _wanted_  to cry.  _Why hasn't he saved me?_  All through their lives, every time Loki had gotten into trouble, Thor was there to get him out. Of course, the thunder god's solution to everything was smash first with hammer and deal with the consequences later, but right now, Loki wanted that. He had often wondered why Thor hadn't come, why he hadn't come smashing through the door, that ridiculous red cape flowing in the wind.

At first Loki had thought it was because Thor thought it a just punishment for the trickster's misdeeds, but he quickly abandoned that reasoning; he  _knew_  Thor would never allow such a terrible fate to befall his little brother. So then Loki had realized something, why Heimdall probably couldn't see him and therefore why Thor hadn't come. The  _collar_. Somehow the collar had locked in the spell Loki often used to hide himself from the all-seeing gatekeeper. The first few days of his imprisonment, before the collar, he had expected to escape, so he continued hiding himself from Heimdall. And it was too late to reverse the spell after the infernal metal was around his neck. Oh how Loki  _hated_ the thing.

* * *

Two more days passed and Stark had not come to visit.  _Strange_ , Loki thought, but he didn't mind since he needed the rest to fully heal.  _Only for that sadistic mortal to ruin my time spent healing._

Another two days and the engineer had not shown his face. Loki was becoming worried.  _Is this some new punishment?_  He was almost fully healed now as he paced his perpetually dark cell, the metal leash sliding across the floor as he moved.

Over a week passed by and Loki was becoming  _very_ worried.  _Where is he? He's never left me in here this long. Is he coming back?_

Loki scolded himself.  _Why would you want him to come back? Miss his company, do you?_  He smirked then laughed, although it was humorless and nervous.

After the second week Loki began feeling like a trapped animal, trapped in the dark, no way out.  _No way out, too dark, no way out._  He shook his head and wrung his hands, curled in his corner.  _He can't just leave me here, can he? He wouldn't!_  Stark didn't seem the type of man to control himself - surely he would burst in here in one of his drunken moods and assault Loki as he always had.

The darkness was  _eating_  at him.

 _No, this a good thing_ , Loki told himself. He was hungry and thirsty, certainly, but at least he was no longer in pain. The collar and chain still chafed his neck, but that was the only discomfort. The cold he had long become accustomed to...but the darkness,  _the darkness..._

_Yes, a good thing; no more visits, no more pain._

Loki smiled madly at his own reasoning.

* * *

Another two weeks passed, although Loki had lost track of time a long time ago. He scratched at the walls and broke his nails leaving bloody trails everywhere he went. The floor was too hard -  _or maybe it's too soft?_

_Too quiet._

There was a smell in the air, like copper,  _when did Stark put copper in here? Was I sleeping?_

_Too quiet too loud._

The air was thin, like strings, seeping in his ears. There were noises when he slept, but when he awoke there was only silence.

_So quiet so loud so quiet so loud quiet loud quietloudquiet-_

* * *

If Loki could keep track of time, he would have known that another month had passed. But he didn't care about time, there was only the dark and the cold and the noises while he slept. He wasn't sure where his body ended and the darkness began. The stifling black was  _bleeding_  into him, he knew it was.  _You'll never get in here! I won't allow it!_  He scratched and clawed at something, anything, nothing, trying to keep the dark out.

And the noises... " _Shut up!_ " he screamed angrily to the red and brilliant air. "Shut up shut up  _shut up_!" He was gripping his hair, his head. "No more! I won't let you in!  _He_ said you  _can't get in_! There are _rules_ , you know!"

He fell to the floor, pounding his fists on the moving ground - or maybe it was the ceiling?

Little legs crawled up his spine, ate into his flesh. They were living in there, he was sure of it. So he scratched the little things out, and he laughed when he felt wetness on his fingers.

"I got them out!" he screamed to his fingers. " _We did it together_." He smiled with too many teeth and round vicious eyes in the dark.

* * *

The amount of time Loki had been trapped in his cell he didn't know, and he couldn't. But on an unnamed day, and suddenly, there was a familiar beeping sound followed by the metal grinding of a door swinging open. The figure in the doorway stood still, unmoving. His silhouette was seen by no one, since the body on the floor hadn't moved.

Lights.

Brightness.

The body jerked, then scrambled to shield itself from the assault on his eyes. Next, it screamed. A scream that was more of a wail from a disused throat that rattled and shrank and bounced clumsily off the walls.

The inventor stepped inside, steady footfalls coming closer to the trickster.

The god on the floor didn't open his eyes, but angled his head toward the approaching figure with a shark grin, "I-I kept them out," he croaked. "They didn't- I didn't let them in. You'll be happy. I kept them out." His eyes remained closed as he curled in on himself.

The man with the blue light in his chest said nothing.

There was a sound of liquid sloshing and something wet on dry lips, but Loki's slight movement wasn't his choice. His instincts accepted the small bit of water on his lips without question, and then, a few hours later, an equally small amount of food. It didn't register in his mind until the next day, when the man with the light in his chest returned.

_Stark?_

* * *

Three days of strange constant brightness passed by the trickster as he slowly came back to himself. The blinding lights above hadn't turned off for those three days, and the man of iron visited once each day to feed the mischief god. It was strange and unfamiliar to Loki, but he accepted the morsels and the water without hesitation. His vision was slowly returning, becoming accustomed to the light once again, and for the first time, he saw the red.

Red. Red.  _Red_. Everywhere red. And underneath that, darker reds filled with sanguine sorrows.

His own blood covered the walls and floors - and somehow the ceiling - and on the fourth day he felt the familiar spray of water used to clean him. He didn't resist and he didn't scream, although he couldn't help but shy away from the cold and harsh onslaught of water. Even so, it was strangely welcome; the act echoed of a past less oppressively dark.

The stains never fully disappeared, but the fresh grime and blood washed away, and Loki could breathe again. He felt new, different.

He thanked the mortal for coming back for him, and he wanted to beg him to never leave again.

For the first time in four days, the inventor spoke, "I need you to never do that again."

Loki blinked at the mortal, who was standing several steps away with arms crossed. "D-Do w-what again?" His voice was hoarse and scratchy, so long without speech. The trickster god honestly had no idea what he meant.  _Why won't he come closer?_

Stark tilted his head, his face expressionless. "Try to run away."

Realization dawned on Loki, the thought of escape hadn't even crossed his mind. He nodded his head fervently, "I won't, I won't." The mortals eyes narrowed, as if trying to find a lie in the pale face. "I-I-I won't, I promise. Y-you came back, I don't want you to ever go away again." Loki was crying now, he didn't know why. "Please,  _please_  don't leave me again."

Stark nodded and backed away toward the door. "Okay," he said.

"Y-y-you're leaving?" Loki asked anxiously, sitting up straight, wiping his eyes.

"Yeah. I've got work to do."

Loki perked up at that, remembering something...something good about  _working_. "C-can I come-" he bowed his head and shrunk into himself a little, knowing Stark wasn't likely to allow him out of his cell again.

Stark scrutinized the god for a moment, thinking. "Are you going to try to escape again?"

Loki shook his head so fiercely he was afraid it would fall off. "No, no more, no no no no. I-I-I'll do what you want, what you say, anything, anything you say." He stared at the floor with wide pleading tear-filled eyes, "Please?"

After a long moment the mortal finally nodded and Loki heard a sound he was sure he recognized but couldn't remember, of metal releasing metal. Then, the end of his chain was in Stark's hand, leading him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems Loki's developed a bit of Stockholm syndrome now. And after doing a little bit of research, it appears I unintentionally presented a form of torture called "white torture", yikes. Needless to say, I'm a little creeped out, lol.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a bit shorter than usual, but it felt necessary to confine what happens in it to one chapter. Fairly explicit rape scene here, one of the few in the story.

The house was exactly as Loki remembered it. The smooth furniture he was never allowed to touch, the cool floor, the glass walls and the great black piano. Loki kept his hands curled up protectively to his chest and kept his head low.

Nothing had changed. It was as if all that time, that horrid time in the penetrating black hadn't happened. That he had never been alone - agonizingly alone - for so long, trapped in the eternal night. He wanted to forget it; to work with Stark in his workshop and eat food and drink water. He didn't care about whatever the inventor did to him, he just  _didn't want to be alone_. Never again,  _no please, never ever again._  He could take pain, even constant torture, but not  _that_. How could simple loneliness and darkness eat at him so? The excruciating lack of everything, of  _anything_  was unbearable.

No.  _Anything_ is better than  _nothing_.

So Loki decided right then, no more escapist thoughts, no more plans against his captor. There was light at the end of this tunnel and he wasn't about to chase it away with foolish fantasies.

* * *

Stark led Loki into the expansive kitchen the second day of his liberation from the dark. He taught him how to make something called 'coffee' then instructed Loki to bring him some every morning. The trickster frowned a little, wondering how he was to do that if he was locked in his cell. He didn't ask since the mortal was now showing him various other machines in the kitchen. Something called a 'refrigerator', which Loki noted was quite handy, and other machines including a toaster, a dishwasher, a trash compactor, an espresso maker, and half a dozen other confusing kitchen appliances. He also showed him the stove and the oven, although Loki knew enough about cooking to guess their function.

_Does he expect me to cook for him?_  Loki was suddenly anxious, he didn't know how to cook. Being a prince in Asgard meant that servants always brought him food every meal. As if reading the trickster's mind - or perhaps his expression - Stark also showed Loki how to use the 'internet' to find instructions on how to cook. The 'tablet' was quite interesting, although Loki had little time to fully explore it so he set it delicately back down on the table.

Next, Stark took Loki down to his familiar workshop and the god was quite glad that it also had changed little. The colorful cars still lined the far side, and various pieces of machinery lay strewn across the floor.

"So," Stark said as they worked, "you'll still sleep in your cell, but I'll leave the door open." Loki dared a glance at him then, uncertain how he should react. "But, the second you step out of line, the door goes shut, and no more mister nice guy."

Loki nodded profusely in understanding, shrinking back in his chair. "I-I will cause no trouble," he said while staring at the object in his hands.

Stark  _tisked_ , "Don't make me regret letting you out again."

Loki nodded again.

For the rest of the day, Stark informed Loki of all the things he would be expected to do. Cleaning and maintaining the house, ordering food and groceries, and other assorted responsibilities.

He was also expected to perform what the inventor called 'relaxing techniques' for him. Apparently, Stark liked the occasional massage or foot rub - which Loki soon came to despise, not because of the acts themselves, which were made all the worse when the inventor kept complimenting him on his 'long elegant fingers', but because they put Stark in a 'sensual' mood, which was never a good thing for the god.

* * *

A few days after being given instructions on how to maintain the house, Stark called Loki into his bedroom, the normally clear glass windows that lined the room now opaque, something that made Loki nervous. He hoped the windows being darkened only meant that the mortal didn't wish to see the night sky... He internally scoffed, what a ridiculous thought.

Stark himself stood quietly by his bed, arms crossed, eyeing the dark-haired god. Loki kept his head down and stood silently by the door, awaiting Stark's instructions.

"Come here," said Stark casually. Loki obeyed, stopping a few steps away from the mortal, eyes fixed on Stark's bare feet. "I said: come  _here_ , not stop a few feet away." Loki winced but immediately walked a few steps forward, trying futilely to shrink in on himself, arms crossed protectively over his chest.  _What's this about?_  he wondered. "On the bed," came Stark's next order. Loki blinked several times and made his way to the bed, wondering if he should lay face-up or face-down. He opted for the latter since he was certain what the mortal was about to do next, and didn't wish to be flipped over; it saved time, and he didn't wish to linger here any longer than he had to.

He heard the distinctive sound of a zipper and flinched, never able to control that particular reflex. He didn't dare look at Stark, so he stared at the opposite wall with his head turned.

"Up on your knees," said Stark, his voice neither excited nor forceful, just... level, as though he were discussing the weather or some other equally mundane thing.

Loki obeyed, the chain of his leash jingling with the movement; he always hated the vulnerability of this position. If he had any pride or dignity left, he would have also hated it for the inherent humiliation such a position would cause. He hoisted up on his hands as well, not wanting to put his backside up in the air like some animal in heat.

_What is this?_ Loki wondered again. Stark always did what he wanted with him, manhandling him into positions he preferred. He never gave Loki  _instructions_  to do it  _himself_.

"Good," said the inventor plainly.

The bed dipped behind Loki and he flinched a little when he felt Stark's arousal touch him. The trickster shivered, waiting for Stark to begin so he would be that much closer to it ending.

The inventor laid a hand lightly on Loki's lower back. "Spread your legs a little more," he said, still in such a casual tone.  _What?_  Loki would have grumbled if he were even capable of doing such a thing in Stark's presence. He obeyed, regardless. "And," continued the mortal, "down on your forearms. You'll be there soon enough, anyway." Loki lowered his head for a moment, then did as he was told. _Wonderful_ , he thought. He  _still_  ended up in the position he had tried to avoid.

Without warning the inventor shoved into Loki and the trickster couldn't help the squeak that escaped his throat. He grit his teeth as the mortal pushed in deep, and forced himself to not pull away.  _Breathe, breathe, breathe_. He had learned long ago not to hold his breath as it often caused him to pass out - which might have been ideal if it didn't make Stark angry.

Stark didn't pause, immediately pulling out and stabbing back in. Loki made a strangled pained noise and buried his face in the covers. He felt two warm hands on his hips, holding him in place, while the mortal's thrusts became more steady. Warm liquids poured down his legs and he knew he'd be forced to clean up after it was over. He gripped desperately at the sheets near his head, instinctively trying to steady himself and maintain some sort of control, however small and futile.

He heard Stark grunting and breathing hard, and tried his best to keep quiet himself, although he mostly failed, a whimper escaping with almost every harsh thrust.

Suddenly, he heard the mortal's voice, although it was difficult to hear over the disturbing sound of flesh impacting flesh. "Loki..." said Stark between breaths. Loki couldn't conjure words to acknowledge him. "Loki," he said again. He then stopped while fully inside the trickster, holding the shaking hips. Loki felt Stark lean closer to him, over him, breaths ragged. "Who...who do you belong to?"

Loki's heart was beating harshly in his chest, but he gathered himself and answered shakily, "You."

"Oh?" said Stark, breaths tickling Loki's back. "Who do you  _belong_  to?"

The god answered again. "To you... I-I belong to you." Loki whimpered when Stark unexpectedly pulled out a little then shoved back in quickly.

"For how long?"

Loki didn't like these questions, he had no control over his answers, his mouth moved without his permission. He whimpered again and grit his teeth before saying: "Forever."

"Are you mine?" asked Stark, leaning closer.

"Yes," he answered immediately.

"Are you  _mine_?" A single slow thrust.

Loki was crying, his face streaked with tears. "Yes," he breathed out in a pained whisper.

" _Are you mine?!_ " Stark's grip on his hips was bruising.

" _Yes!_ " Loki sobbed into the sheets.

Suddenly Loki's whole body shook with sobs as he wailed into the sheets for the rest of the ordeal. He couldn't feel his body anymore, and he was glad of it. Stark continued and Loki's mind felt as though it was filled with sand - like an hourglass filled to the brim but with nowhere for the sand to go.

He  _hated_  saying those words but they slipped out anyway, not even a moment's hesitation. He hated it because it was  _true_. Stark held the god's will as assuredly as he did one of his machines. That's why he cried, why he sobbed until the wetness covered the sheets and he couldn't cry anymore.

He  _did_  belong to the mortal now and there was nothing he could do about it.

The rest of the night Loki barely remembered as he blankly cleaned up the bed and stumbled back to his cold cell.

* * *

The next day Stark left him alone, although he was still expected to perform his household duties, which the trickster did in a daze. But at the end of the day he snapped back to himself, his instinct for survival suddenly kicking in as he watched the inventor saunter out of his workshop. What had happened was not important. It was no great revelation. Everything that he had said to the mortal Loki already knew.

It didn't matter. There was nothing to be done. Of all the injustices Stark had inflicted on him... No, it didn't matter...  _It could be worse,_  he told himself,  _it could be worse it could be worse_.

So he shook himself and continued about his day, ignoring every desolate thought that entered his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

_"Loki!"_ Stark's voice on the air.

The trickster heard his name through the haze of sleep. He jerked up immediately and spoke to the ceiling, "Y-yes, sir?"

 _"Make something, I'm hungry,"_  he ordered through the communication system.

Loki winced, his injuries were barely healed and walking only made it worse. Just  _this morning_  Stark had sauntered into his cell to rape him, unfortunately while Loki was sleeping - or trying to sleep - and only a few hours later he was requesting food. Still, the god did as he was told and walked to the elevator to make his way to the kitchen.

Two weeks after their 'arrangement' Stark had given Loki a pair of pants to wear when he worked around the house. They were black and loose, but Loki couldn't help but beam at the idea of  _clothing_. For something to cover him when he slept. Stark said it didn't change anything and when he told him to, Loki would remove it.  _Gladly_ , Loki had thought, too happy about even  _having_  clothing to worry about that. The god wasn't expecting the meager cloth to protect him from Stark, just from the cold.

The already very drunk Stark was punching seemingly random numbers on the microwave when the trickster approached. "Where the hell you been?" Stark slurred.

Loki arranged the dangling chain of his leash so it trailed down his back, as he always did when cooking. "I...you just now called me." He wore a grimace as he walked painfully toward Stark but made a point to stay more than an arm's length away; the mortal was not a man to be near when he was drunk.

"Don-Don't make excuses, make something!" he slapped the counter top which made Loki jump.

The trickster nodded and moved to make something simple, he doubted the drunk would know the difference anyway.

Stark backed up a few paces, then grabbed the glass tumbler from the island behind them, taking a drink, then another. Loki tried his best to move quickly, but the pain ripped through his body and he inevitably slowed down after a few minutes. His breath came in pants and he had to lean on the counter on occasion, to keep from falling.

"I like-like th'way you breathe," Tony mumbled into his glass behind the busy trickster.

Loki froze. He knew that tone,  _no no no, not now, please not now_. Stark was walking toward him slowly with drunken steps.  _No please... just some more time?_  Nothing was worse than being assaulted _twice_. Adding injuries to existing injuries was incredibly painful. He didn't turn around, he just stared at nothing straight ahead, trembling slightly, unable to move.

The god felt the jerk of his collar as Stark suddenly dragged him using the chain - as best he could without stumbling - over to the dining room table. Loki yelped when he was pushed harshly against the table, his stomach flat on the surface and his legs off. Only the tips of his toes reached the floor as he struggled for balance. His face was already streaked with tears, the table gripped tightly.

Fumbling hands pulled on his waistband, exposing his backside.

"Please,  _please_  not right now," Loki begged through his tears.

"The hell're you saying?" slurred Stark as he unzipped his own trousers.

"P-Please don't do this...I-I still haven't healed, it hurts  _so much_  when you-" a vicious hand in Loki's hair pushed his head harshly into the table. He cried out but said nothing further.

Stark's warmth on his backside sent shivers up Loki's spine. "What...the  _hell_  do I care about that?" Loki sobbed into the table, body shaking violently, wishing it to be over soon.

He waited for the familiar searing pain - which was always worse when he was already injured - but instead he felt...cold.

There was a thud behind him, like a body falling. Loki didn't know what to do,  _what's happening?_  So he cried quietly into the table, waiting for something to happen.

But nothing happened.

He dared to turn around and lean up a little.  _Stark? Where's he gone?_  Loki peered around the room but didn't see him until- the inventor was on the floor, out cold.  _What?_  The god slowly eased back on to his feet, pulled up his trousers and stood up straight, mindful not to step on his captor.

 _He was drunk..._ very _drunk._ Loki almost laughed to himself but the act seemed too foreign so he just stared. Whenever Stark passed out Loki always returned to what he was last ordered to do, or he went back to his cell; so, he went back to the kitchen and continued making the food Stark had requested.  _Hopefully he will be in a more forgiving mood if he has food waiting for him when he wakes_ , Loki reasoned, although it was doubtful.

As he reached for the eggs, the voice of JARVIS filled the air.

_"Sir, Agents Barton and Romanoff are at the door."_

Loki dropped the egg he was holding, he didn't hear it when it crack on the floor. Some loud  _pinging_  noise resounded all around. Loki couldn't feel his face, he couldn't feel _anything_.

_"Sir?"_

The pinging noise filled the air again, Loki was sure he was about to vomit. The only thing that kept him from doing so was the thought that Stark would be angry if he vomited on any of his nice machines. Other, more helpful, thoughts wouldn't form. All he could think was that Stark was going to be angry.  _Angry angry angryangryangry._  Loki started crying again, he stumbled to a corner of the kitchen furthest from the entrance, beside the windows.

The sound pinged again, then a loud banging, then a muffled voice calling his captor's name.

Loki curled into the corner and pulled his knees up to his chest and hid his face in his arms.  _No no no no no..._  He didn't know what else to think, he couldn't even feel his body. There weren't supposed to be people outside, there weren't supposed to be people  _at all._  He hadn't seen a single soul outside of Stark for so long he had nearly forgotten the rest of the world existed.  _Wake up wake up._  He wanted Stark to wake up and tell him what to do; should he stay here? Should he return to his cell? Should he let the people in? Would Stark want him to protect him if they were intruders?

He heard the door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! It's an evil cliffhanger; and it's a shorter chapter, too. I'll try to update sooner than I usually do.
> 
> For some reason I find drunk!Stark funny - well, not where Loki is concerned, of course, but he keeps passing out and having issues because of his drunkenness. Sorta humorous, if in a dark way in this case. And the line "I like the way you breathe" sounds like the creepiest creep pick-up line in the universe or something - not even sure where that came from.


	6. Chapter 6

Loki buried his face further into his knees, wishing the people away. A medium-sized table with chairs was between him and the entrance to the kitchen, but he knew it wouldn't hide him from whoever was invading.

"Stark?" a woman's voice floated toward him.  _No no no, not supposed to be here. He'll be angry...angryangryangry..._

"What, is he not home?" a familiar man's voice said.

"I don't think so, JARVIS said he was here."

"Hm, right," said the man.

"JARVIS?" her voice was a little louder.

_"Yes, Agent Romanoff?"_

"Where's Tony, you said he was here."

_"Indeed I did, it appears he is unconscious in the dining room."_

"What?!" yelled the man.

Loki felt panic rising. They would have to pass through the kitchen to get to the dining room. They would  _see_  him.  _No please, wake up wake up!_

Two feet shuffled quickly in his direction. Loki didn't dare look up, he  _couldn't_.

"Oh my- the hell- what the  _fuck_?" yelled the man, so close now,  _too close!_

"Tony!" yelled the woman as he heard her feet moving across the floor.

Loki heard a strange sound next, very close to his head, like a string being pulled taut.

"Tasha!" screamed the man. "What the hell- what are we supposed to-"

The woman didn't seem to hear him, "Stark's okay, just unconscious like JARVIS said," her voice was nearing. "Although he smells like he took a bath with everything in his liquor cabinet. What the hell is  _he_  doing here?"

"Hey!" yelled the man. Loki still couldn't look up. "Hey! Loki!"

He heard the woman moving, getting closer. "Loki?" she said. "Clint, back up a little, I think you can shoot him fine without being in his face."

Loki didn't hear a response but he did hear the sound of a string untightening slightly - the man didn't move away, though.  _What's happening?_

"Loki?" said the woman, her voice was blank but not exactly hard. "Can you hear me?" There was a light hand suddenly on Loki's shoulder, he jerked away and whimpered. Unfortunately the movement forced him to lift his head somewhat, and he caught a glimpse of the two intruders. The man was standing and the woman was squatting down next to the god.  _So familiar..._ Loki kept his knees close to his chest, but peeked over his arms at the two.

The man shifted his weight uncomfortably, "What the hell is going on, Tasha?"

The woman -  _Tasha?_  - shook her head lightly, "I don't know...can you go check on Stark again? Maybe all this is related to why he's been acting so strangely lately."

"What, you think mister god of taking-over-the-world here brainwashed him or something?"

"I don't know, Clint, just go check on him."

The man sighed but did as she said.

"Loki," her voice was now calm, quiet, as though Loki were made of glass, about to shatter at the slightest provocation. "Can you speak?"

The trickster god eyed her warily for a long moment, then nodded twice and hid his face again.  _No! Don't speak to them! They're intruders, not supposed to be here! He'll be angry, so angry..._

"Okay, can you tell me what you're doing here?"

Loki peeked out a little, frowned, and tried his best not to cry, the woman leaned back slightly at his expression, as though confused. Even so, he finally managed to choke out his words, "I...I..." Loki didn't know what to say, he didn't know the answer to that question. "I was...m-making Stark some food."

The woman's eyes widened slightly as she furrowed her brow. Then she nodded slowly.  _Does she truly understand?_ Loki doubted it.

The man returned and sighed as he spoke, "Yeah, he's fine. Might have bumped his head a little, but he's okay. Drunken idiot..." he mumbled. "And him?"

She looked up at her partner then back at Loki, "He said..." she hesitated. "He said he was making...food."

"Food?"

"For Stark."

"Say what?"

"And just look at him, Clint." She waved a hand in Loki's direction, Loki flinched. "He's...hurt. And," she leaned closer to the god, he whimpered, "he's bleeding. Look at his head. Not to mention," she chuckled humorlessly, "everywhere else." Her scrutiny made the trickster try to hide away,  _get_  away.

The man nodded, eyeing Loki. "You still haven't told me what you think's going on here."

"Look at this," the woman raised a hand, which now gripped the end of Loki's chain. "What-"

Loki hid his face in his arms quickly and tried to push himself further into the wall. He ignored the pain the movement caused and gripped his knees tighter. He started shaking, then crying again. His words trembled when he spoke, "P-Please,  _please_  don't touch that...He'll...he'll be angry if you- just leave me alone, I- please don't make me do anything."

"Don't touch what, Loki?" she said.

The trickster lifted his head slightly to peer at the chain in her hands, "Th-that." He continued to stare at the metal for a moment, then buried his tear-streaked face in his arms again. _No one's supposed to touch it!_ Stark even got angry at  _Loki_ if he found him fiddling with the metal chain. Whenever Stark wanted him to do something, when he wanted Loki's full attention - not that he ever  _didn't_  give his full attention - he would hold the chain. It was now just another part of the god of mischief, another limb.

"Why don't you want me touching this, Loki?"

The mortal man mumbled something about the collar around Loki's neck, but Loki was too busy trying not to run away or to run to Stark's side to scream at him to wake up.

The woman tried again, "Loki. Why shouldn't I touch this?"

He finally looked up, but kept his gaze on the chain tight in her hands. "He won't like it, won't like it. Only he can hold it.  _Please_ put it down, he'll be angry with me..." Loki trailed off and stifled a sob.

Both intruders were silent a moment, Loki returned his face to his knees.

"Tasha," said the man in a strangely wary tone, "I know that look on your face, what're you gonna do?"

She didn't answer him, instead directing her attention to the trembling trickster, "Hey, Loki?" He peered at her nervously. "Stand up for me, will you?" Loki immediately shook his head, but she was adamant, "Now." The god looked at the chain in her hand, then back at her, then back at the chain.

"P-Please don't make me-" he cried.

"I said now, Loki." The woman was relentless, her partner eyed both her and the god curiously. When the man tried to ask her what she was doing she shushed him.

Loki didn't know why, but he found himself attempting to stand. His body screamed at him, but he absolutely felt  _compelled_ to stand.  _What am I doing?_  He stumbled to his feet, using the wall for support. He leaned back against it on shaky legs.

"Good," she said. Her words reminding him so much of Stark. But it was wrong,  _wrong_. She wasn't Stark.  _He'll be so angry with me, so angry. Don't listen to her!_  "Now, Loki..." her voice was in his head, telling him what to do. "Come with me to the living room."

Loki shook his head again at the order, but found his legs already moving, following her - or as best he could.

The man -  _an archer?_  Loki noticed the bow slung across his back - walked backwards then stopped a few steps away, allowing the other two space. The god tried his best to shrink into himself while walking, arms hugging his chest, although it was difficult to appear smaller when the other two were so much shorter.

The woman walked backwards in front of the mischief god, pulling him with the leash as if guiding him as he hobbled along. They entered the living room.

"This way," she said in a calm voice.  _Why is she taking me there?_  Loki was wary of the archer behind him, although he was not following too closely. "Now sit here," she indicated the corner of the couch on the left side.

This time Loki felt panic rising. "No...please don't make me. I don't- I  _can't_ \- he'll- I'm not supposed to sit on-on-on anything," the trickster stammered.  _Please no no no..._

"Loki..." her voice was a warning, stern but still calm.

The tears came automatically as he shook his head, "Please no, please no...I'm not supposed-"

"I know, but you can sit now. Sit down."

Loki was wracked with sobs as he sat down gingerly on the very edge. He let out a strangled whimper but grit his teeth at the pressure which caused pain to shoot up his spine. He briefly wondered how he had managed to sit so long on that hard floor before the woman's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Loki..." she was eyeing him curiously, there was something in her expression the god didn't quite recognize. "Are you in pain?"

Loki stared at the floor, utter confusion on his face; he didn't understand the question. He was never  _not_  in pain.

"Clint," she turned her head to her partner, he looked at her questioningly. "Unzip your pants for me."

"What?!" he asked, incredulous.

"Humor me," she said.

"What- why-"

"Seriously, just...humor me."

He stared at her for a second, then shrugged and sighed. He reached down and unzipped his jeans without preamble. Immediately, Loki whimpered and jerked back, then scrambled backward on the couch with pained noises. The god whimpered out, "No, no please don't, I didn't mean it...don't..." He hugged his chest more and started trembling again, staring at the floor. Even Loki didn't understand his own words, his instincts driving him.

"What the hell was that," said the archer flatly.

"Oh my God..." whispered the woman still holding Loki's chain.

"What?"

She straightened herself, then turned to face the other mortal, "Really, Barton? Are you that blind?"

The man frowned and glared at the other two, "I don't know," he crossed his arms. "Why don't you just spell it out for me?"

There was a silence for a moment, then, "Best guess, it's a conditioned response."

"It's- what?" said the archer.

"Look," the woman began, "the first sign," she held up the chain in her hand. "Loki here doesn't want to listen to us, yet when I order him to do something while holding this, he listens."

"Oh come on, for all we know he would have listened...anyway..." he trailed off, apparently rethinking his words.

She nodded, amused, "Maybe. But I don't think so. He begged me to put it down, then asked me not to make him do anything. He also shook his head and refused to move, despite the fact that he was doing exactly that."

"Right," he drawled.

"And now, after you unzipped your pants-"

"Yeah, how's that?"

"Another conditioned response," she turned slightly around to eye Loki, who continued staring at the ground as he sniffled occasionally.

The man sighed, "To what, exactly?"

She raised a brow, "If I had to guess: rape."

The archer stared at her for a moment, then said flatly: "What."

She looked back at him, "You heard me. There's not a lot that can break someone like this - especially someone like Loki - but there's always something. And in this case, I'd say rape."

"Stop saying that!" he yelled, disgust in his voice. "You are  _not_  seriously saying that  _Tony Stark_ , okay,  _Iron Man_ , raped a super-villain Norse god."

"No," she said slowly. "I'm saying Tony Stark not only raped a super-villain Norse god," the mortal man scoffed, "but that he's probably been doing it for some time - what with this level of blind obedience. Not to mention, where's Loki's shirt anyway? And look at how beat-up he is. And, really,  _this_ ," she held up the end of Loki's leash.

The man shook his head, "This is crazy, I can't- are you  _serious_? It doesn't make any fucking  _sense_!"

"You're right," she looked back at Loki. "But all evidence points to it." She looked to her partner. "Stark's been acting stranger and stranger these last few months - hell, this last year. We thought it was his break-up with Pepper, but it's obviously been...something else."

"What, oh yeah, I'm sure his behavior points directly to 'Norse god sex slave'!" He sighed loudly, frustrated. "Look. Why don't we just ask him? Loki, I mean."

"Would you believe him?" asked the woman.

He shrugged, "Why not?! This whole thing's out of control anyway! Ask away!"

Loki stared warily at the two, uncertain what to make of their conversation. The second they looked back toward him he lowered his gaze to the floor.

The woman sat next to him on the couch and Loki tried to inch away. She didn't stop him.

"Loki?" her voice was soft again. The other mortal scoffed but said nothing. The trickster flicked his eyes in her direction a moment hoping that would indicate he was listening. She nodded, "How long have you been here? With Stark, I mean."

Loki furrowed his brow, he honestly didn't know. He shrugged one shoulder and eyed the floor, still thinking.

"What date do you last remember? Can you remember that for me?"

The trickster sifted through his memory. Everything was so  _hazy_ , everything before...before Stark, and the darkness, the loneliness... He shook his head in thought, a date flying out to him suddenly, "M-May...s-seventh?"

"May seventh?" said the man.

The woman pressed closer, "That was almost a year ago, Loki."

 _A year...a-a year? How can that be?_  Loki stared at nothing, wide-eyed.  _A year? Is that all it's been? That's how long I've..._

"Shit," said the man suddenly, covering his mouth with one hand for a moment. "Did you think about...Tasha..." She lifted her eyebrows to him. "Thor is  _so_  gonna kill Stark."

Loki suddenly felt a surge of panic run through him, "No no no no! _Get away from me!_  You're not supposed to be in here! Get out, get out!"  _Not that name!_ He stumbled off of the couch and scrambled on the floor away from them. The red-headed woman had let go of the chain in shock at the sudden outburst. "Please,  _please_  just leave. He'll be angry with me, please just leave." Loki was crying again, crawling across the floor to get away.

"Loki," the woman stood up and approached with placating raised hands. "We're not going to hurt you,  _Stark's_  not going to hurt you, not anymore."

"He'll hurt me, he'll hurt me, he'll go away again, go away for so so long." He stared at the floor with teary eyes, "He'll go away and I'll be alone, so alone..." He continued backing up until he hit a wall, breathing hard. "I don't like the dark,  _please_  don't put me in the dark again,  _please_! I'll do anything!"

"It's okay, it's okay, Loki, shh shh," the woman soothed. "No one's going to...put you in the dark again, I promise."

She approached him slowly, then crouched next to him as Loki hid, once again, behind his knees.  _Not that name not that name it doesn't exist. He'll put me in the dark again no more no more please don't. Not that name..._

A gruff voice broke the air, "What the hell? What are you two doing here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes, I realize this is *another* cliffhanger. Sorry, couldn't be helped. But at least this was a longer chapter! ;D
> 
> I wasn't sure how to go with Natasha and Clint's responses, but I figured even they would feel bad for Loki in his current state. Hope you guys liked the chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy early 4th to all my American readers!

The god of mischief couldn't comprehend what was going on around him. The two new mortals were shouting at Stark and Stark was shouting back. The second Loki saw Tony's gaze lock on him, the trickster scrambled as fast as he could across the floor toward him, his chain jingling as he moved.

The other two immediately stopped shouting.

Loki crawled on all fours, grasping at the floor beside Stark's legs in desperation as he hung his head between his arms, prostrated. "Please, please, please," Loki sobbed. "I didn't let them in, I didn't- I didn't- you fell asleep- you fell and I just- was hiding- they came in, I didn't let them in-  _please_  don't lock me in the room again-"

He felt a soft hand on his head, Loki couldn't bring himself to look up, he couldn't catch his breath, he thought he would pass out. He just watched the small tear-puddle that was forming on the floor.

"Stark,  _what. the. fuck!_ " shouted the archer.

The room erupted in screams again and Loki grasped tightly to the bottom of Stark's pant-leg with one hand as he remained prostrate, unable to move except to tremble uncontrollably.  _He knows I didn't do anything. I didn't let them in, I didn't. He'll forgive me, he's not angry not angry._

Out of the commotion Loki heard one sentence, although he wasn't certain who said it: "I'm gonna fucking tell  _Thor_!"

The mischief god jumped back, away from Stark and from the other two.  _Not that name, no no no nononono. He doesn't exist, he's not here... Not in my mind anymore, there's no one there only Stark only Stark..._

Silence.

Loki was sure the silence would devour him.

He felt the wall behind him, and what little air filled his lungs, but he did not see the other three in the room. He didn't see them start fighting. He didn't see the red-headed woman swiftly kick Stark until his back hit the wall. He didn't see the archer pull out an arrow and point it at the inventor. And he didn't see when everything calmed down and the woman approached him.

All he knew was that he needed to breathe, and that Stark wouldn't be angry at him because  _it's not my fault I didn't do anything. He knows it he knows it, not the room please not the room, no more darkness no more... please he knows I didn't let them in he knows._

He couldn't catch his breath, it had run away into the waiting dark.

* * *

Loki awoke in a brightly lit white room on something soft.  _Soft...soft..._  Loki liked the sensations, but it was  _wrong_ , so  _wrong_. He blinked his eyes at the brightness and stared at the unfamiliar room.  _Where am I?_  Panic began rising.  _This isn't my cell. Tony doesn't like me sleeping anywhere but my cell._  Although he rarely slept anyway, Loki had once fallen asleep on the floor of the dining room after he finished cleaning, curled up in a ball. He had been  _so_ tired, and in a lot of pain. He hadn't even remembered going to sleep. As punishment, Stark had broken all the fingers on his left hand and saved the right, because he needed his coffee in the morning.  _Where am I? I can't be sleeping here!_

Loki quickly fell off the bed, then backed himself into the nearest corner.

He was wearing a strange white tunic, and loose white trousers underneath.  _Why am I wearing these? Did Stark give them to me?_  He peered around nervously, he still didn't recognize the room. It had white walls and no window. There was a glass sliding door on the other side of the bed and several rectangular bright lights embedded into the ceiling. There was also a small table next to the bed with nothing on it.

The trickster flinched when the opaque glass doors opposite the bed slid open. A blonde woman in a mint colored shirt walked in, then after seeing Loki in the corner, gasped and rushed out, the door sliding shut behind her. Loki hid in the corner, then decided the underside of the the bed might hide him better, so he crawled as quickly as he could under it, making sure the long chain of his leash didn't stick out. He laid on his side, balled up, feeling slightly better in the familiar position. Even the cold floor was familiar, if as uncomfortable as always.

Suddenly the door slid open again, as several feet filled his vision.

A young woman was yelling, "Sir! You cannot come in here! The director-"

Next, a familiar deep male voice spoke, "I have spoken with your director, lady of medicine, and his answers have been unsatisfactory. I will-" The two stopped near the foot of the bed. "Where is my brother?" There was a pause. "Is this a trick?"

"No, sir," came the woman's voice. "I don't understand, he was just here..."

"Where?"

The woman walked a few steps toward Loki's first corner, he quietly turned on his other side to follow their feet. "He was here, just...crouching down like he was...scared."

The man said nothing for a while, the echoes of his voice rattling around in Loki's head.  _What did he call me?_  Then suddenly there was a face peering at Loki. He jumped and backed away from the lady's face.

"Oh, he's down here..." she said.

Then suddenly the man's face was next to the woman-  _no no no...not possible, he's not real! This isn't real. Just a dream, just a dream._

"Loki!"

The trickster shut his eyes tight and scooted away as much as he could,  _just leave me alone, you're not real! Never real!_

"Loki?"

Suddenly, two arms gripped Loki from behind, hauling him up off the floor. He screamed at the intrusive touch, "No! Let me go!  _Let me go!_ "

The man-who-wasn't-real stood up off the floor, then yelled at the man holding Loki, "Release him at once! You are hurting him!" The arm around the mischief god's waist let up immediately and Loki scrambled away from the three people, trying to find some place to hide. The door behind the grabbing-man was closed and there were too many people on the other side of the room. "Leave!" yelled the not-real-man to the grabbing-man.

Loki, surprised by the voice, whimpered and crawled quickly into the corner next to the entrance. He hid behind his arms and knees once again, wondering where Stark was. He needed Stark to tell him what to do.  _Who are all these people?_  The not-real-man surely would go away soon, he wasn't real, after all. He was just a fantasy lost in the writhing dark. No more real than freedom or happiness or hope. Loki would have laughed at him if he weren't so afraid.  _Look at you, walking about in front of me and ordering real people around! Ha!_ When did phantoms command flesh and blood?  _Has the world changed so much since last I saw it?_

But now the fake-man was talking, "Loki," he said.  _How does he speak so softly, this shade of a man?_  "Please, Loki..." The voice was coming closer, so close now, so close.

"You're not real," Loki said through muffled sobs.  _When did I start crying?_

"Loki?"

"Not real, you're not real..."  _I will not look up._

"Of course I am...how can you say such a thing?"

"Some things aren't real," the trickster said, face still buried. "Some things...like hope, and happiness, they're not real. Freedom, that's not real, either."

There was a long pause, Loki continued crying into his arms. Until, "And what is real, brother." The voice was so low, so delicate. It didn't sound right, Loki wasn't sure why.

Loki finally looked up, he couldn't help it, his voice shook, "Pain..." The blonde man's face contorted, trying to keep something away. "And...misery...and-and blood..." Loki watched the man's face, fascinated that someone who didn't exist could look so sad. "And also...the dark. Always the dark is real. Such an abyss." The trickster stared at the ground with wide unblinking eyes. He saw a wet drop fall somewhere near the other man's familiar boots, but he didn't know where it came from.  _Is it raining?_ Loki looked back up at the man slowly, "How can you not know only these things are real?"

The blonde crouched down and sat on the floor in front of the trickster. Loki didn't notice that there was now no one else in the room. Right now, there was only this phantom sitting before him, breathing with such a similar breath, such a familiar lightning-blue gaze.

"Where did you go, brother?" asked the fake-man, the question deeper than Loki could ever understand.

Loki tilted his head and looked at nothing, not hearing the question. "Do you hear thunder in the sky?" His gaze moved upward as he smiled with open mouth at the ceiling. "I like the rain... it reminds me of..." His smile faded, thoughts moving like raindrops across a window, and his eyes moved down, down, down. "Thor?" Loki furrowed his brow, wondering how he had wandered into a dream.

There were tears in the thunder god's eyes, his voice was thick, "Yes, brother, it is I."

"How have you wandered into my dream?" the trickster asked with another tilt of his head.

"This is not a dream..." Thor tried to reach out to touch Loki's face, but the smaller god leaned back from the hand.

"Don't be silly, of  _course_  it's dream. You can't really be here, you're never really here." Loki smiled and was confused by the distressed look on the other god's face. "Would you...like a hug?" he asked innocently.  _Surely the figment of my brother will feel better with a hug. I can't have such a pleasant dream turn sour because of an upset Thor._  So Loki reached out and grasped his dream-brother around the chest. But the older god responded with quiet sobs. "Why are you crying, Thor? You're ruining such a nice dream with all this blubbering," he chided affectionately. Even as the crying softened, Loki felt the familiar strong arms wrap around him.

Loki sighed contentedly, closed his eyes, then inhaled his brother's scent - like cool air after a storm.  _How strange. Such a realistic dream. He even smells like Thor._  The younger god held on tight, not wanting the dream to end, not wanting to wake up cold and hungry and in pain on the desolate grey floor.

"Loki," Thor finally spoke after a few moments, "what is this metal around your neck, and...this chain." He held up the end of the chain. Loki froze and jerked back against the wall, hitting his back.  _No_ , he scolded himself,  _he's not real, just a dream remember? And besides, what does it matter if Thor has the chain? He would never hurt you._  Loki swallowed his fear then leaned forward again to hug Thor. He wanted this wonderful dream to last as long as possible, he didn't want to scare the dream-figments away.

"You don't need to hold the chain, brother, I'll do anything you say anyway," Loki chuckled into the metal chest.

" _What?_ " whispered Thor. The chain clanged to the floor. Loki nuzzled his forehead into Thor's neck, trying to indicate that he wanted his big brother to hug him back once again. Thor obliged, but then lifted himself up and dragged Loki along. He didn't mind, he was just happy Thor - or as close as he could get to the real thing - was returning his affection.

Loki didn't heed Thor's confusion. "It's been so long since I've dreamed of you, brother. It used to be almost every night, but now..." Loki shook his head, "It doesn't matter, you're here now."

The door suddenly slid open as two figures walked in. Loki stared at them, they stared back.  _Don't be afraid_ , he told himself,  _they're not real, either._

"How did you two get into my dream?" Loki eyed them suspiciously and clung to Thor. "I don't like you here, go away!" With that, the trickster turned his head on the other side and held fast to his older brother.

"Uh, what?" said the archer.

Thor's voice rumbled through his chest, "It seems my brother believes he is dreaming. That none of us are real."

The woman's voice was next, "It's actually not that surprising if you think about it, given what he's been through." Loki wanted the two to go away. "He's probably had to rearrange his hold on reality to get through...everything..." Her voice trailed off.

Thor began walking slowly backward, bringing Loki with him. The smaller god wondered what he was doing, before he realized his big brother was trying to sit on the bed. Loki smiled a little and sat down next to him, then leaned his head on Thor's shoulder. An arm circled around the trickster and Loki leaned into him further. He wanted this dream to never end.  _No, never end._

"Loki," the red-head approached him, "do you know who I am?"

Loki stared at her, thinking. Then he shook his head. The truth was, Loki hadn't given it much thought. She and the archer were both very familiar, but his mind was too busy and filled with pain and darkness to bother with checking his memories.

"I'm Natasha Romanoff," she pointed behind her, "and that's Clint Barton. We're agents of SHIELD. We used to know each other..." she smiled a little. "Well, sort of."

Loki narrowed his eyes and stared at them, thinking.  _Romanoff... Barton?_  Suddenly, there was a blue cube of light somewhere in his memory...and blue eyes. So blue, unnaturally blue. And there were arrows flying by, and a glass cage, and a man with only one eye...no wait,  _two_  men with only one eye. A golden city above clouds...and a silver city of lights. There was a man who hid a monster, and a man with a kind face and a shield who wore colors that were precious to him. Then there was fire, and blood, and...screams... Loki clenched his eyes shut. There was a man in front of him, he held a large metal weapon in his hands and he wore a Midgardian suit, why wear clothing with blood on it? He said something to Loki that made the trickster angry and confused, but he didn't know why. Whatever the man said, Loki knew he was right.

Then there was only Stark... Only Stark...  _Only Stark._

"Do you remember us now, Loki?" the woman's gaze was unwavering, her stance steady.

Loki gripped Thor tighter as the flood of memories came crashing back. There were so many pieces missing, so many things Loki didn't understand. He hid his face in his brother's neck, then choked out, "Yes..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously this is where the 'comfort' portion of the story begins - but that doesn't mean it'll be easy! Poor Loki's got some serious issues, he basically fainted from agitation and stress. I hope Tony and Clint and Natasha's whole scene was okay - let's face it, Stark's no match for either of them without his suit. ;)
> 
> More with Loki and his big bro next chapter, at least it's not a cliffhanger this time.


	8. Chapter 8

_This is real? No, it can't be real. Not real not real- But that would mean Thor is here...Thor can't be here, he's never here. Even when I wept and screamed for him, he's never here. Stark will be so angry Thor's here._  Loki's knuckles were white as he felt tears drip down his face onto Thor's armor.

"You're...not real..." Loki cried into his brother's armor.

"Yes we are," said Natasha Romanoff. "We're real, and so's Thor."

Loki shook his head furiously. "You're not! You  _can't be_! Not Thor, not my brother..." Tears streamed down his face. "If Thor were here, then it would be over. But it can't be over, it's  _never_  over. Stark will come back soon, and I'll wake. I'll be alone again and he'll hurt me more-"

"Stark?" Thor bellowed.

Natasha shifted her weight, "You...didn't know? How much did Fury tell you?"

Loki felt Thor shake his head, "Only that they found Loki and that he was in a bad way. What is this about Stark?" The question was directed at Loki, but Natasha answered instead.

"Look, Thor, there's more going on here than we know."

"Tell me," Thor ordered. His voice allowed for no arguments.

The spy sighed, "There's..." she struggled for words. "There's really no way to tell you everything without..."

"Without what, Agent Romanoff?" he said in warning.

"Without having you storm off and...killing Tony Stark."

Even without seeing his face Loki could sense the anger gathering around his brother; nevermind the crackle of thunder so near it made him jump. "Sorry, brother," Thor managed to mumble so quietly the trickster wondered if he imagined it.  _Real real real real..._ The words echoed around him, _inside_  him.

"Look," now Barton was speaking, "this is a crazy situation. Hell, even  _I'm_  pissed at Tony, but we can't just go off half-cocked even if-"

The man stopped suddenly, and Loki imagined the lady spy glaring at him.

_They're real? No they're not._ He shook his head as quieter thunder rumbled in the distance.  _Thor's real, they're real. That thunder is real. Not a dream not a dream not a dream._  Suddenly Loki felt panic rising.  _Then Stark's going to be angry! He'll put me in the room again! It'll be forever this time, forever lost and away. Too dark. No one there, not even my memories. Just the things crawling over me, eating me..._ Loki began trembling, wishing Thor would hold him tighter.

"Loki?" Thor's voice was so near,  _so near so near not fake, real._ "What is wrong? What has happened to you?" Thor wrapped his fingers around the side of Loki's neck with his free hand, the familiar gesture sent a wave of calm through Loki but he couldn't stop shaking.

"Thor..." came the mischief god's shaky voice, tears dropping. "D-Don't let Stark," he couldn't speak, the words were like sand in his mouth. "Please don't let him..."

"Don't let him what, brother?" Concern bled through the thunder god's voice as he gently stroked Loki's hair.

"P-Please don't let him hurt me anymore..." Loki looked straight at Thor, his face wet, "I don't want this anymore," he sobbed. "It hurts so much all the time, please  _please_  don't leave me! Don't be a dream!" Thor held Loki tighter with one arm. "Please say you'll protect me, promise you'll protect me, that you won't leave ever again-"

"Loki, brother! I  _will_ protect you! I will!" Thor hugged him fully now, his hold so tight Loki couldn't breathe. But the younger god didn't care, he only wished Thor could hold him tighter. "I will  _never_  leave you again, nothing will happen to you. I swear on Yggdrasil, on the All-Father, on the All-Mother, and on Mjolnir - I  _will_  protect you."

Loki cried unashamedly into his brother's chest, relishing the feel of...the feel of... Loki couldn't place the unfamiliar feeling - couldn't  _name_  it. If he were able to, the god of mischief would have cherished the word, but for now, he settled for the simple feeling that warmed every part of him, down to his bones and back again.

* * *

Thunder rumbled outside and rain fell. It crashed in angry waves against the side of the helicarrier.

Loki smiled. He loved the sound of thunder, of rain. And now, he  _knew_  it was his brother's storm,  _Thor's_ storm. It was the most soothing sound in the world - well, next to his brother's snoring.

After Thor's vow to protect him, the suddenly livid thunder god said he would 'have words' with Stark. But Loki had panicked and nearly collapsed at the prospect of Thor leaving, and when he vomited on the floor, his big brother assured him he would not leave. Thor was obviously still angry with the man of iron, as evidenced by the storm still raging, but Loki's pleas rooted his older brother to the spot.

So now here they were. Loki still awake, enjoying the sounds of his brother sleeping against his back and of the storm raging overhead. Thor had lain next to Loki and soon fell asleep, but the trickster had become afraid suddenly. Afraid that something might happen while Thor slept. So Loki scooted backward until his back touched Thor's chest, then draped the thunderer's heavy arm across his own chest. He had smiled at the position, immediately feeling safer, the strong arm warm in his grip.  _No one gets passed the god of thunder_ , Loki thought with satisfaction.  _And besides, Stark is nothing but a mere mortal._ Then he remembered the Iron Man suit.  _No, that doesn't matter either._ He remembered the fight Stark and Thor had had in that forest so long ago,  _if they had kept going, Thor would have decimated him_. Loki nodded, then settled himself against the warm body.

_Then why am I still afraid?_  He tried to shake the feeling away, but he still couldn't go to sleep.

* * *

Loki woke from his half-sleep with a start, the warmth of Thor no longer against him, the strong arm no longer draped over him. He screamed and fell off the bed, about to scoot under it once again before he heard the familiar voice.

"Loki! Brother!" The large form of Thor filled Loki's vision suddenly as the thunderer ran around the bed and leaned down. "I am sorry, I should have known." He lifted Loki up with ease and placed him on the bed. "Are you well?"

The trickster stared at Thor, wide-eyed and still frazzled. For a moment he believed it had all been a dream, that he really had not been here, so he panicked and instinctively fell off the unfamiliar softness. He hugged himself and tried to relax against the bed, mostly unsuccessfully. He nodded to Thor.

"You do not  _look_ well, brother. You are shaking." He leaned down and hugged Loki, then lifted the smaller god into a sitting position and rubbed his back soothingly. "I am sorry..."

Loki relaxed and sighed into the embrace and nuzzled his face into Thor's neck - his new favorite place to be. Thor's beard tickled his cheek. "It's alright, brother," Loki mumbled. "I just...I thought you weren't real again."

"I understand." The thunderer nodded for a moment. Then he let go a little and leaned back, suddenly chuckling.

"What is so funny?" Loki asked, looking up at his face.

"It is nothing...it is just..."

Loki lifted an eyebrow, "What?"

Thor smiled widely, "Well...I love it when you call me 'brother'. Like you used to-"

The trickster pushed Thor playfully, "Shut up,  _Thor_." But a smile tugged at his lips.

The door suddenly slid open and Loki's smile disappeared. He didn't care who it was, he leaned back into Thor with a jerk and was pleased when his big brother wrapped protective arms around him. He hid his face in Thor's shoulder, not looking at who entered.

"Hey Thor...Loki." The quiet man's voice was not familiar.

Thor nodded in greeting, "Doctor Banner, I did not realize you were here." Loki stiffened at the name, immediately remembering the coy scientist, the mask that hid the real monster inside. "It is alright, brother, he is a friend." But Loki wasn't having it, he kept his face in Thor's shoulder and scooted closer to him.

"Actually, I've been here since he first arrived. I guess you don't remember much of that, huh?" The question was directed at Loki, but he didn't respond or care to acknowledge the mortal in the room.

"I apologize for my brother's-"

"Oh no, you don't have to, really. I get it, I do. I...still can't believe.." He paused. "Well, I'm...actually surprised to find you here, Thor. That's not exactly true, I'm surprised to find  _Tony_  still here." Loki began to tremble. "What I mean is, that he's still alive, that you haven't-" The doctor sighed, "I'll just...shut up now." He chuckled awkwardly.

"I see," was all Thor said, voice flat but deep.

"Well anyway, I'm glad you didn't hurt- uh-" The trickster could  _feel_  a heat rising in his brother. The scientist was quick to continue, "I mean- what I- it's just that, we've found something wrong with Tony."

Loki felt the blood leaving his head, dizziness skirting at the edges of his mind. Thor spoke, "Explain." Loki was confused, confused at Thor's sudden somber disposition. His brother was usually so boisterous, quick to anger and even quicker to forgive. Extreme emotions were as easy to him as subtlety and poise were to Loki. This... _quietness_  unnerved him.

"Uhh, well, it's hard to say. We're still doing some tests, he's under observation," he paused, presumably seeing the confusion on Thor's face. "He's...unconscious. We're not taking any risks." Loki perked up at that, and turned his head around so he could see the doctor. "Oh, hey Loki," smiled the strangely calm man as he lifted one hand in a nervous greeting. Loki again said nothing.

"So," Thor said, "what is wrong with Stark?"

Banner winced slightly and tilted his head, "Well," he said slowly, "we're not really sure just yet. But," he added at the slowly growing annoyance on the thunderer's face, "we're thinking it has something to do with the Tesseract."

Loki spoke up, "Th-The Tesseract?" he said with a quiet voice, slightly incredulous. "Do you...accuse me of-"

"On no, no," Banner quickly waved the question away, "obviously not, why would you- Never mind, we've just been finding readings in him that correspond to the energy of the Tesseract."

Thor rubbed a hand lightly on Loki's back. "And what does that mean, doctor?" Thor asked.

"Uh, well," he grimaced, obviously not wanting to answer, "we think... _maybe_  it might have caused him to..." He paused.

"To what?" asked Thor impatiently.

Banner wrung his hands nervously. "I'm just- We think that maybe..." his eyes shifted to Loki, then Thor, then to Loki again. "That maybe he wasn't in complete control of...himself...Maybe..."

Both gods stared at the doctor. Loki felt numb, like his body had disappeared. He wanted the doctor to go away. He didn't want to speak anymore, speaking and listening were  _exhausting_. He just wanted to stay in Thor's warm arms forever and never have to do anything again.

"Do you mean to say," Thor began slowly, "that everything that Stark has done to my brother - that he is not responsible?" Loki suddenly whimpered and whined, clutching the front of Thor's tunic. He buried his face in his brother's shoulder, anxiety growing with his light-headedness. He didn't like their words, he wanted to sleep again; lay next to Thor and listen to the wonderous thunder and rain.  _Why can't there be rain?_

"Well- I... We just don't know yet. I'm just telling you that...that it's  _possible_."

Loki was fidgeting, he couldn't stop moving. Thor began rubbing his entire back with strong motions and filled his ear with soothing words. The smaller god relaxed a little and stopped moving, although he couldn't stop the slight trembling in his bones.

"Loki," Thor said, "are you alright?"

The trickster didn't answer for a moment, then shook his head reluctantly.

Banner nodded, understanding. "Look, I'm sorry...I shouldn't have brought it up-"

"No...doctor," said Thor quickly. "I thank you for informing us of...your progress..." Loki shifted uncomfortably. He was sure his older brother didn't quite know what to say; the truth was, Loki didn't quite know what to  _think_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize we have yet to address the fact that Loki's still wearing a collar with a chain attached, and that Thor still doesn't really know what happened to him. Don't worry, these issues will be addressed soon enough. As for what's up with the Tesseract and Tony... Some of you may have already guessed there was something more wrong with him other than the obvious (the obvious being, 'Tony's evil' lol). ;)
> 
> Also, some shift in POV next chapter; so far we've only seen everything from Loki's viewpoint, so that should be interesting.


	9. Chapter 9

The day after Banner's visit with the two brothers, the thunder god decided it was time to get some answers. So far everyone - yes,  _everyone_  - had been avoiding telling him too much. Even Loki, who always shrunk back into himself when asked any questions about his ordeal. The medical staff always claimed to be busy and needed elsewhere whenever he asked, or referred him to Doctor Banner, who was equally reluctant to provide any information.

So Thor decided he would go straight to the top and ask - no  _demand_  - Director Fury answer his questions. Some part of him didn't want to know, feeling that if everyone wished to keep it from him it must be-

He sighed and walked down the corridor which led to the director's spacious office. But as he walked he began hearing voices, hushed but agitated voices coming from a room a little ahead and to the right. The metal door was open and revealed two agents sitting in a small dark room, backs to the door. Both were men whom Thor didn't recognize, and - Thor froze and stepped back as quietly as possible. Standing to both sides of the men were Barton and Romanoff, and it was they who were arguing with each other. The thunderer wasn't certain  _why_  he was hiding, but for some reason he felt the need to.

"I really can't fucking believe this," came Barton's hushed voice. "Did he really-? Damn..." Thor imagined the archer shaking his head.

"Clint," said Natasha, voice also low. "You know he keeps surveillance twenty-four seven, even in his tower? Why wouldn't he do it in his  _home_?"

A pause. "I don't know, I guess... after what happened, to have recordings of it -  _video footage_ , it's just... sick, somehow..."

"What? You think he watched them or something?"

Barton snorted. "Shit, I hope not. That would elevate this to a whole new level of fucking  _wrong_. If that's even possible."

Thor peered inside, hoping the agents wouldn't see him. There were several flat screens in front of them that played images, and the two who were seated seemed to be increasing the speed that the video played, occasionally slowing it down.

"Why the hell do we even need to go through this sick shit?" asked Barton, slight disgust in his voice.

Natasha sighed. "Fury said he wanted at least one of the Avengers to help go through it-"

"Great. That means I can leave-"

"Clint." The woman's tone was even, but with a hint of warning. "No fucking way."

The archer made a strange low whining noise - most likely in jest - that might have made Thor laugh any other time.

The video stopped for a moment and played, and Thor immediately recognized it as Stark's home, the image displaying his living room. It paused for a moment, then played, showing a half-naked and barefoot Loki walking across the floor behind Stark, who, to Thor's quickly rising anger, held the chain that connected to Loki's collar.

Although the bruises littering his brother's body made Thor want to smash the screens with Mjolnir, it was Loki's  _attitude_  that stopped him. He was... calm, blank even, and  _complying_. With Loki's strength he could have snapped Tony's neck in an instant, especially since Stark was without his Iron Man suit. The implications of  _why_  his brother would be so docile, so... tame, made his blood boil.

Thor must have moved, or made a noise, since suddenly Romanoff's face was in front of him, eyes wide - at least for a moment, then her usual indifferent mask replaced the obvious surprise.

"Thor..."

Barton quickly moved to block the footage, looking suddenly nervous, as though he expected Mjolnir to remove him at any moment.

"Thor," said Romanoff again when Thor didn't even look her way. The god suddenly realized he was clenching his teeth hard enough to nearly hurt his head, but he looked at her, eyes confused and angry all at once.

"What  _is that_?" Thor asked, his voice sounding much angrier than he intended.

The archer walked toward them - now that the god was distracted - and closed the door behind him, not taking his eyes off the incensed thunder god.

"Thor," continued the woman, "can we... go somewhere? To talk?"

"No," said Thor through his teeth. "Tell me now what that was. I saw Loki... Did Stark record what he did to him? Why would he-"

A gentle hand touched his chest, "Look." Thor looked at the small woman -  _really_  looked at her. She had the most determined look in her eye that it gave the god of thunder pause. "I'll tell you..." she nodded, her eyes steady and never leaving his. "I'll tell you..."

Thor nodded, transfixed by her gaze.

"But," she said calmly, "you need to promise me one thing."

"Anything," said Thor, eager to hear what everyone had been avoiding telling him.

She raised a brow slightly. "Thor..?"

"Whatever you ask, I will give my word."

She nodded twice. "Then I need you to promise me that you won't kill Tony Stark."

Thor furrowed his brow, uncertain what to say. It wasn't the first time someone had expressed similar concerns, but he had not promised anything yet, hadn't given  _his word_. If he did this, he would have to keep it. He couldn't imagine what might have been done to Loki that would make him immediately wish death upon his dear friend -  _what could be so terrible?_

Either way, he had no choice if he wanted to know. It was clear everyone on the helicarrier had been instructed not to reveal any details of Loki's ordeal to the thunder god, and that made him very nervous, but also very curious. Curiosity had never been his nature, that had always been Loki's, but the fact that  _everyone_   _else_  knew except his own brother... No. He had to know.

Thor nodded resolutely, then spoke, "I swear. I will not kill Anthony Stark."

Natasha tilted her head, "Or hurt."

Thor wanted to roll his eyes, but relented, "Or hurt. But," he glanced at Barton then back at Romanoff, "I expect justice to be served, one way or another, even if  _I_  am not the one to deliver it."

Both agents nodded, looking at each other. "Okay," said Natasha. "Come with me."

* * *

Loki trembled, huddled in the corner. Thor hadn't come back yet,  _why hasn't he come back yet?_  He had given his word,  _vowed_  to protect Loki, and where was he? There was someone else in the room with him, who was it? Oh yes, Steve Rogers, so called Captain America. Thor had left him to watch over the fearful trickster god, but Loki didn't want him, he wanted  _Thor_ , he wanted his  _brother_.

_Where is he? Where is he?_

The golden-haired mortal was crouched in front of Loki, saying... things. But the god didn't hear him, he just sat shaking in the room's corner, his legs and arms trying their best to hide his body.

"Where's Thor?" asked Loki's whispered and desperate voice. He was crying -  _crying_  in front of the mortal. Loki knew he should care, should be ashamed, but he honestly  _did not care_. Did he ever care? He couldn't remember. He was sure he would have cared before... or would he? There were memories in the back of his mind, shattered fragments of long years and wars that dripped with blood. That he couldn't remember scared him, but he was so full of fear that it hardly mattered to add one more.

The mortal's lips were moving, "...sure he'll be back soon. Just...please, Loki get..." Loki tuned him out, waiting for Thor. Always waiting for Thor.

_Where is he?_  The words were all that filled him up and he feared he would burst if they continued to gather inside.

Suddenly the glass door opposite his bed slid open, and Loki was dashing across the room toward the familiar figure before his brain even registered he was moving.

The younger god practically leapt into his brother's arms, grasping the blonde around the chest as though afraid he would disappear at any moment.

"Loki!" Thor exclaimed, wrapping his arms around his little brother.

Loki buried his face in Thor's neck, determined to hold tight no matter what - he wasn't about to let Thor go  _again_.  _No, no, not again, never again..._ "Please don't leave again!" Loki sobbed out.

"Brother," Thor was directing them toward the bed. "I am sorry... I... I needed to... to do something..." The thunderer sighed. "I left Rogers here," he felt Thor nodding, "but... I should have known you would awaken soon."

The two sat on the bed and Loki nuzzled closer, resting against Thor. He hadn't heard the door slide shut, nor did he notice the two brothers were now alone. He tried his best to collect himself before speaking, telling himself all was well now, that Thor was here, nothing bad could happen- "What- Why did you leave?"

Thor moved back to lean on the headboard, then waited for his brother to settle against him again before speaking. "It..." he hesitated. "It is not important... You need not concern yourself, little brother."

Loki glanced up at Thor, but the blonde's face remained impassive, staring straight ahead. He looked...sad? "Thor?" There was something... something wrong with Thor's face; the trickster couldn't pinpoint it. "Thor?" he said again, then leaned back just a little bit to get a better look at the thunder god's face.

Moments passed as Loki stared at the other, trying to figure out why his brother was trying to hide something behind a mask.  _When did Thor start doing that?_

But when Thor finally looked at Loki, his blue eyes looking at each green eye in turn, something in the thunderer's expression changed, like the breaking of a dam, as tears spilled down his face.

"Thor?" Loki couldn't fathom what was happening.  _What- what is-?_  The great thunder god's eyes were filled with tears as he watched his little brother's confusion and horror. "What-What's wrong, I- I-" Loki couldn't speak.

Two large and gentle hands grabbed Loki's face as Thor pressed his lips to his forehead. "Oh Loki..." said the blonde softly, his voice thick with sorrow. "I am so sorry..." he hugged Loki around the neck, pulling him close as the tears fell on his brother's dark hair. "I am so very sorry..."

The trickster clutched at Thor tunic, uncertain what to do.  _He's...sorry? For what?_  "Why?" asked Loki. "Why are you sorry?"  _What could_ Thor  _possibly have to apologize for?_

Thor stroked his brother's hair, sniffling. "I am... I am sorry for what you have gone through... I am sorry I was not there to protect you."

Loki jerked back, the act startling Thor as he loosed his grip. The trickster shook his head, shook his head and didn't stop.  _No... no please, no... Thor can't- he can't know, he can't!_  Because if he knew, if he  _knew_ , then it was real. Then it had happened. Loki was hurt, he was damaged, he was  _broken_  - and nothing could put him back together. If Thor knew... The two things shouldn't be in the same room, the same universe; the pain, the hurt, the sorrow - it shouldn't exist where Thor was. Wonderful, shining,  _golden_  Thor, who had never let Loki down, who was  _safe_  and  _eternal_ and  _powerful_. Loki  _needed_  the two realities to be separate lest they crash against each other and rend Loki apart when they battled.

_No please... you can't know._

"No..." Loki barely choked out, but the word was so small he was sure he hadn't even spoken. He leaned back, away from Thor, away from the promise that everything would be okay, that he'd  _be okay_.

"Loki..?"

"No," he said again. "No you can't know... you  _can't_. Please don't know, please don't..."

Thor looked at him with such sympathy, such  _compassion_. How could Loki, who was nothing and no one, be allowed to even look upon the golden prince? To bask in his glory and touch his face? How could such a lowly insignificant and unworthy creature as Loki, who was little better than a mortal's toy, who was meant for others' amusements, be permitted to exist in the face of such greatness?

Loki knew he didn't deserve this treatment, this overpowering sympathy, this unrelenting love...  _those tears..._

But he did cry - the thunder god  _did_  cry, and for him, for  _Loki_? Why should he? How could he?

"Please..." cried Loki, his own face wet. "Please don't cry for me... please don't... I don't- I don't deserve..." he shook his head, looking down, voice choking passed his constrained throat. "I don't deserve it. You mustn't cry for me- for  _nothing_."

"Loki." Hands were suddenly on Loki's arms, then the sides of his face, forcing him to look up, to look at his brother. The face that greeted the trickster was so determined he could do nothing but stare, eyes wide. "Do not say such things. You are not nothing.  _You are not nothing_." The hands were warm, unmoving. The face, so adamant. "You are my brother, my  _brother_. Do you understand? You are _everything_  to me. And I would give up everything -  _everything_  - in the Nine Realms for you." Loki tried to shake his head, but his muscles wouldn't move. " _For you._ "

More tears fell, but Loki wasn't certain whose.

Then suddenly he was being embraced. Embraced so tightly he couldn't even  _think_  to breathe.

He wanted to say 'No', to deny it all, because it  _wasn't true_. Not a single word - it couldn't be! His body wouldn't move, his muscles were liquid, unresponsive. He just let Thor hold him, his big brother. So loving and kind -  _impossible_. How could such a being exist? Surely this creature holding him was some illusion, some imagined thing, a dream of the trickster god's delusions.

But he wasn't - he was  _real_ , and every fiber in Loki's body  _knew it_.

It wasn't until that very moment that Loki finally understood why Thor could wield Mjolnir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, poor Loki's kinda deep into the big brother worship, huh? I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter - obviously the other POV I mentioned was Thor's, at least for this chapter. Other characters will have their chances in later chapters. This fic will continue to be mostly from Loki's perspective, although there might be more switching POVs in the later parts of the story - not sure yet.


	10. Chapter 10

Over two weeks had passed since Loki's rescue. Thor stayed with him every hour of every day, barely leaving his sight and sleeping in the same bed. Although all of Loki's physical injuries had healed, Banner still insisted on keeping him in the infirmary, although neither god questioned it - and Loki truly could care less as long as Thor was with him.

Every night Loki would drape Thor's arm around him, and every night Thor would act as though he were already asleep when Loki did it. The trickster didn't mind; although he truly didn't understand why Thor felt it necessary to pretend. Was it a game?

Loki knew his mind had slowed, and more than anything else he feared this. His knowledge was vast, his comprehension of spells even more so, but now he feared he would lose that knowledge, that the part of him he held as dear to him as his family might be lost.  _No_ , not anymore. Thor was everything to him now, did it really matter if he lost his mind?

He shivered; suddenly afraid of his own thoughts.  _Why do I think these things?_  His memory was faulty, his thoughts unclear and clipped off like scraps of paper that couldn't form a perfect picture for all their pieces lost in the wind. He saw glimpses of what he  _should_  remember, but they floated around his head, mocking him and unwilling to settle within his mind like they were supposed to.

But Thor was there, Thor was his  _anchor_. Steadfast and unchanging. Always there, never leaving.  _Never leaving._

Loki suddenly felt afraid and began trembling. He turned around in the bed to face Thor, but then felt exposed at his back. What monsters lurked there?

It was bright in the room - always bright now, but he still felt the dark, bleeding in through the corners of every room, waiting for him to turn his back-

He whimpered and shook Thor, immediately feeling foolish for it but still not caring.

The thunder god woke with a slurred start, looking about. "Brother?" he mumbled and squinted against the light. "What is wrong?" he asked quickly when seeing Loki's fearful wide-eyed gaze curled up against him, shaking slightly.

"I... I couldn't sleep," came the feeble reply. Loki wanted to say more but his throat was too tight and the words wouldn't come anyway.

Thor sighed and drew him closer, arms wrapped around him. "Did you have a nightmare?" he asked with soft voice.

"No," said the younger quickly. Loki didn't have nightmares because Loki didn't sleep. The few times that he did manage to sleep, he woke up screaming and sweating and vomiting. The word  _nightmare_ didn't quite cover it.

The look on his big brother's face told him Thor knew he wasn't saying everything, and that he didn't have to - didn't  _need_  to.

The warm arms comforted Loki like a soft blanket never could, even the brightest sun paled in comparison.

Loki once again turned his back to his brother, content to sleep in their usual positions now that his worried thoughts had died down. The heavy arm over his chest was quickly followed by loud and wonderous snoring. Like thunder rumbling across the horizon, from one edge to the other following the lightning.

_Damn_ , Loki thought. He should have asked Thor to conjure a storm; the thunder god usually obliged whenever Loki was fearful - which was frequently - but more so could be convinced when Thor wasn't in complete control of his faculties, like when tired or sleepy. The agents on the helicarrier always complained to Thor about the frequent storms, but the god of thunder only shrugged and smiled that bright smile of his which rarely failed to impress - or so Loki believed.

Who would argue with Thor, anyway?

* * *

"Where are we going?" Loki asked with half-shaking voice, holding tightly to Thor as they walked down the metal corridor. He didn't need any aid in walking, of course, but he was sure if he let go his trembling knees would send him crashing to the floor. Some part of him wanted to, then maybe his big brother would take him back to his room, where it was  _safe_ , where people wouldn't  _stare_ at him.

Loki whimpered and hid his face on Thor's shoulder when a man with dark short hair and a beard happened by, although to Loki's relief he didn't seem to notice the two gods. Thor said nothing, allowing the trickster to reorient himself before walking at the more steady pace again.

"I told you, Loki, the mess hall." Thor's voice was calm, neutral, as if there were nothing odd about taking him to the mess hall when Loki's food was always brought to his room.

He didn't understand the point of this. "But why?" the younger asked, with as much fear and confusion as he could muster, hoping the thunderer would take him back. He didn't want to see more mortals, he didn't want to see  _any_  mortals.

"You-  _We_  cannot stay cooped up in that room every day and every night. One meal away will not harm you," Thor said jovially.

Loki leaned in, "But what if the mortals poison me?"

Thor nearly laughed, but upon seeing his brother's fearful face answered, "Why would they rescue you only to poison you? And besides, I doubt there is a poison on Earth that could kill us."

The second answer didn't exactly reassure him, but he supposed Thor was right. And anyway, if they somehow  _did_  poison him, Loki would know it and Thor would break into little bloody pieces whomever did the deed, so he shouldn't worry.

But he  _did_  worry, and he couldn't  _stop_  worrying. Poison was the least of his concerns, there were so many more worse things the mortals could do to him.  _But Thor's here, Thor's here. Nothing can happen. Relax, nothing will touch you, harm you..._  His own thoughts somehow made him  _more_  nervous, though, so he stopped thinking altogether and concentrated on not falling over and holding on to Thor.

It seemed there were several 'mess halls' and Thor took him to the nearest one, or so he'd said. The room was large, filled with nearly fifty silver tables with chairs affixed to them.

Fortunately, there were very few mortals eating right now, and a glance at a clock on the wall told him it was between meal times.

After passing through the large open door, Thor lead his brother to the left, then sat him down at the corner-most table closest the door. Loki sat with his back toward the wall, at least content that no one would sneak up on him, although a few passed behind since the distance to the wall was still somewhat large. The floor was grey and the ceiling filled with bright long square lights, which Loki drank in, happy to be out of the dark corridors - at least by comparison to his room.

Thor sat down next to him. "So," said the thunderer. "Will you stay here while I bring our food?"

Loki's eyes went wide, shaking his head at Thor.

"Loki..." said Thor with gentle admonishment. "I will be right there." He pointed to their left, where there was a long line of food-filled trays being watched over by several strange cap-covered mortals. The line to gather food was small, barely two or three humans at a time. It was indeed not very far away, and there were only four or five tables between Loki and the food-serving mortals-

"But," said Loki, trying to think of a good reason other than,  _'I don't want you to'_  and  _'Stay with me'_ , which really wasn't a reason so much as a desperate plea.

Thor raised two sympathetic eyebrows, then nodded and stood up. "I'll be right back, brother. You need only call to me if you are troubled." With that he walked away, quickly but steady on his feet.

Loki stared after him, but noticed the line had grown since he had last looked. He chided himself for delaying Thor; if only he'd not said anything his brother would have been back by now. And he  _was_  hungry. He had eaten breakfast, but they had lost track of time while sharing stories of their childhood and only remembered to eat when Thor jumped up to exclaim that he had arranged for no food to be brought for lunch today.

_'...Cannot stay cooped up'_  Loki grumbled to himself. He very well  _could_  stay cooped up in that room, and for all of eternity for all he cared, as long as Thor was with him.

He knew mortals had rescued him, but they still made him nervous. How many more were like Stark? Loki shivered and hugged himself, looking down.

His gaze on the dull reflective surface of the table was interrupted by something both pale and dark, the table reflecting someone standing on the other side of it.

Loki flinched back and curled in on himself, barely glancing up to see who it was.

It was a woman. Loki relaxed a little but looked around warily, catching sight of Thor and cursing the line of mortals for forming in front of him.

"Hey," said the mortal, voice slightly high in casual greeting. Loki said nothing, eyeing the table. "I don't think we've met; I'm Agent Maria Hill." The name did sound familiar to Loki, but he couldn't recall where he'd heard her name. He dared another look at her.

She wore the same dark uniform as most SHIELD agents, and her brown hair was tied back professionally, her bangs swept to the side. All in all a pleasing-looking woman, Loki thought, even for a mortal, but she had an intense gaze that pierced through him even with her gentle expression - which she clearly wore for his benefit. Strangely, this made Loki feel better; knowing that the mortal was making an effort to make him comfortable told him she cared. Although on second thought it could also be a ploy to make him let down his guard, but what would be the point of that?

She carried one of the food trays in both hands, clearly here for lunch as well. A kind but tight-lipped smile crossed her face as she tilted her head a little. "I heard you're settling in well; glad to hear it." She was apparently trying to make 'small talk' and Loki's mind honestly could think of nothing to say in response.  _Who is this woman? Why is she speaking to me? Where's Thor?_

"Well," she went on, "I hope you get to feeling better. And," she looked at him more pointedly, but not with malice, "if you need anything, just ask. Tell your brother if you'd like, he can relay it to me-"

"Lady Hill!" Thor's voice broke through, causing Loki to jump slightly. The thunder god walked up to the woman, carrying two trays balanced expertly on his arm.

"Thor, please," she said with a teasing and amiable tone, "I've told you before, call me Agent Hill or, if you must, Maria."

Thor laughed, seemingly at the words 'if you must' and canted his head. "Very well," he gave a small friendly bow. "Agent Hill. Would you like to join us?"

Loki tried to give Thor a reproving look but the idiot thunder god wasn't looking at him.  _Is he insane? I can't sit with a mortal and-_

"It's nice of you to ask, but I don't think your brother would be comfortable-"

"Nonsense!" said Thor in his usual booming voice that no doubt carried through the entire ship. "He has had only me to speak to these past weeks, it would be good for him - for both of us - to converse with another." Loki scoffed internally at that. Most of the Avengers - save one - had visited every so often, although... he had to admit they seemed nervous around him, as though simply being in his presence grated on their nerves. Thor had said it wasn't that they were angry, or scared, or any other negative emotion, only that they felt  _Loki_  didn't want them there, and that that was what made them apprehensive. Loki didn't buy it. His older brother wasn't the best at reading people, after all. No, it was something else, although he was wasn't yet sure what that could be.

"Even so," Agent Hill countered. She glanced at Loki, as though sensing his trepidation. "I sort of promised Agent Scott I'd sit with him-"

"Ah," Thor smiled and nodded knowingly with a hint of intrigue. "I see. Then perhaps another time?"

She nodded. "I'd like that. I'll see you guys later."

Thor smiled as she turned to Loki and nodded, then walked away.

"I like her," said Thor pleasantly, watching her disappearing form. He sat down next to Loki and set down the trays. "She is a formidable woman and she has been quite kind since your return."

Loki didn't know what to say to that since he didn't even know the mortal, although Thor didn't seem like he expected the trickster to chime in anyway.

Unsurprisingly, the food here was exactly the same as what was typically brought to his room. And, once again, he wonders why it's necessary for them to come  _here_  instead of remaining where they had been for the last few weeks.

Thor began devouring his meal immediately - which was typical - but Loki eyed his tray without touching it, lost in thought.

"Hey, there," said a male voice suddenly. Loki winced and glanced up; a man stood in much the same position as Agent Hill had earlier. He immediately averted his gaze back to the table, somewhat able to make out the man's form through the hazy reflection. He too wore the dark SHIELD uniform, like Maria Hill.

Thor looked up after a moment, apparently lost enough in his meal to delay his notice. He smiled good-naturedly. "Well met, Agent."

The mortal glanced at Thor for a moment, but eyed Loki. "How're you guys doing? Having fun?"

The trickster continued avoiding his gaze, finding it unnerving, but the thunder god responded in kind, "I am doing very well; is there... something I can help you with?"

"And," said the mortal, ignoring Thor's question, "what about him?" He flicked his head in Loki's direction, eyes still intently watching the younger god.

Thor frowned a little but patted Loki twice on the back, still smiling, "He is doing better. I thank you for your concern."

The mortal made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort. "Right," he said with a hint of sarcasm Loki was sure Thor wouldn't notice. A moment of strained - at least Loki thought so - silence passed, then, "And you guys just let him roam around like this? Should I be concerned?" It wasn't a question and Loki knew it.

But of course  _Thor_  wouldn't notice that. "You need not be concerned, friend. My brother is no longer a threat." Loki only just now noticed his brother's hand still on his back and it occurred to him that he wasn't the only one suspicious of this mortal. But Thor would only remain pleasant so long as the other party didn't push, Loki knew. If this mortal kept going in this direction...

The man set his foot on the chair in front of him, then leaned over with an elbow on his knee. "I suppose you just expect us to take your word for it, right?"

Out of the corner of his eye Loki saw Thor's eyes narrow slightly, the smile fading. This man's posture was suddenly challenging - if not exactly  _overt_  in its challenge. But the thunder god doesn't like people unnecessarily asserting themselves near him, and he  _certainly_  doesn't like the way the mortal stares at Loki. The trickster swallows and shrinks down in his seat, uncertain what to do.

"Nay, friend," said Thor, voice deep. "You may take your  _director's_  word for it. But if you wish,  _we_  may have words over it."

No one moved, the two stared at each other. Loki kept his head low, afraid to even look at the man's expression in the reflection of the table.

Suddenly Thor stood up, making Loki flinch at the unexpected movement.  _No, don't leave!_  screamed Loki's mind, but the blonde didn't move from his spot, he only placed both hands - slowly, deliberately - on the table before him, then leaned forward, eyes still on the mortal.

"Now," he began, "was there something  _else_  you wished to discuss, or will that be all,  _agent_?" His voice was hard, a clear warning to  _back off_  or feel the wrath of the thunder god. Thor was no less intimidating without his armor or hammer, and the mortal backed away, legs firmly on the floor again. Thor continued staring.

The agent scoffed. "Sure. Of course. I have a shift to get to anyway..." Although he was trying to hide it, Loki could sense the nervousness in his voice. Apparently the man had not thought this through; did he really think he would get anywhere with the god of thunder standing here? And suddenly it hit home even more than it had before- how vulnerable he was without Thor. He still wore the collar and chain - something that no doubt made him stand out even more than he already did - and was without his magic. He felt naked out here, Thor his only shade from their blinding hatred. But it wasn't all bad, was it? The mortal woman - Agent Maria Hill - seemed amiable enough. And despite the Avengers' obvious unease around him, they too appeared mostly friendly. Still... there were probably thousands of mortals in this flying fortress; how many more of them wanted to do Loki harm? How many more wouldn't care if he was hurt, if he died in their care, if he was once again returned to Stark-

Loki whimpered at his own thoughts - although not meaning to, drawing close to Thor. The thunderer slowly sat down and put an arm around Loki when he heard his distress. "Fear not, brother," he said, still gazing in the direction the mortal had left. "I will not let any harm come to you, remember?"

The smaller god nodded, but still felt anxious. He leaned on his older brother, food forgotten. Thor couldn't stay with him  _all the time_ , even if he wanted to. He had duties as an Avenger, and  _eventually_ , Loki knew, he would have to resume those duties. Midgard needed him, and without the ability to return home, he - and Loki - were stuck here. The thunder god easily became restless; how long would he be satisfied with spending almost every waking moment with the mischief god? Loki didn't know the answer, didn't  _want_  to know the answer.

* * *

The trip back to Loki's room was much the same both ways. Loki held tightly to Thor and Thor reassured him as best he could, holding him tighter when he became especially fearful. It was pathetic, Loki knew, but he couldn't simply shrug off his fear despite knowing how ridiculous he looked hanging on to the thunderer like that.

When they returned to the safety of his room, Loki turned to Thor. "Brother..." he began, uncertain how to put his thoughts in order. "I..."

Thor's brows lifted slightly but he said nothing and waited. It amused Loki somewhat how his once overly-exuberant brother had learned patience these last few years.

The trickster sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, then decided to start with something more concrete, something more easily discussed. "Thor, can- can we..."  _remove my collar_. But he couldn't make the words come out so he just fiddled with the metal around his neck. It may be easier to discuss than other issues, but it still made Loki nervous to bring it up. It blocked his magic and he knew that SHIELD might not allow him his - relative - freedom anymore if he suddenly regained his full abilities. And the truth was, he would much rather stay free without his magic than have it back and be imprisoned again... The thought made him shiver. Still, if he had his magic he would be able to defend himself... eventually, at least. Or he  _hoped_  'eventually'. He might feel safer now than when he had first come here, but only when in Thor's presence. He still felt his heart beat too harshly and his breath quicken whenever someone other than Thor entered the room. And the mere thought of Tony being in the same-

Loki shook the thought away and realized his hands were shaking.

"Brother," said Thor quietly, stepping forward and grabbing his hands in a gentle hold. "Do you speak of your collar?"

Loki didn't look at Thor but nodded, saying nothing.

"I..." Thor hesitated, "I thought you did not wish it removed..."

Now Loki did look up, searching the blue eyes.  _Why would he think that?_  "What do you mean?"

The thunder god frowned in confusion. "Because I asked you, several days after you arrived here. Don't you remember?"

Loki's eyes widened. "No..." he whispered, staring at nothing.

A sigh from the thunderer drew his green eyes back. "Well," now Thor looked at nothing, "although I asked you then, when I discussed it with Director Fury and Agent Hill..." he trailed off.

Loki nodded in understanding, and somehow didn't feel disappointed. "They do not wish to remove it because they believe I will use my magic to..." he grimaced at even the thought. "That I will try to fight them again..."

Strangely, Thor's gaze snapped back to his, deep frown in place. "No, brother," he said, the faintest of smiles lingering in the corner of his mouth. "You- you believe they are afraid of you, how can they be when-" he cut himself off; Loki didn't know why. Thor shook his head, "I am sorry, Loki. I did not mean to imply you are wea-" He stopped again. Loki only stared at him, confused.  _Imply what?_  Thor stared back, frown still in place. "What I mean to say is: they do not fear you using your magic, or anything of the sort, they  _tried_  to remove your collar when you first arrived."

The trickster's eyes widened and he absent-mindedly scratched at the metal at the back of his neck. "What- but..." He didn't know what to say to that.

Thor sighed out through his nose. "You were terribly injured when you first arrived and they knew - from what I had told them of you before - that your magic aids you in healing. Doctor Banner said that several SHIELD agents had studied the metal and determined that it was made of some metal called..." Thor frowned for a moment, searching his memory, then said slowly, sounding it out, "...adamantium. Yes. From what they told me, this metal is very strong - they could not remove it no matter the tools they had." Loki listened, his despair growing but still curious about this metal. "They said... they said it is nearly indestructible and that they were surprised Stark had acquired it."

Loki wasn't surprised. Stark could do almost anything he wanted, couldn't he? What was obtaining some metal to him, no matter how rare? "Then," croaked out Loki, suddenly aware of how dry his throat was. "Then I will never be rid of it... I will..." He lowered his head, despair growing as the words came out. "Forever," he whispered. "I'll never be able to use my..." he couldn't say it. He couldn't  _say it_. Magic. His magic was gone, then. Gone forever. He felt a tear drop.

"No, no, brother!" Thor leaned in, hand on the side of Loki's neck. "Do not despair-" his bright blue eyes stared at Loki, almost as distraught as the trickster. "Please, I have spoken to several of the SHIELD agents who are knowledgeable about such things. They said the collar is not closed completely - that it need only be unlocked." The trickster frowned, confused. "It is a  _collar_ , Loki. Stark had to have put it on you somehow. It is only locked around your neck - and if their is a lock, then it can be opened once again." A small, but still sad, smile crept onto the thunder god's face, and strangely, even that small gesture made Loki feel a little better.

"L-Locked..." repeated Loki.

Thor nodded, "Yes. Only locked. It  _can_  be removed... somehow..."

_Somehow... but how?_  Then it hit him, and he didn't want to think it, but he did. He stared at the white floor. "Stark." The thunderer leaned back, arms crossed before him. "Stark can open it." Loki's eyes remained wide, words coming out on their own. " _Only_  Stark can open it."

The thunderer nodded again, sadly this time. "So it would seem."


	11. Chapter 11

_His house was much the same as it had always been; bright and metal and glass and the sun shining through the wall-spanning windows, the ocean breeze caressing the solid walls of the structure. There was his grand piano in the corner, his pale couch, the stairs that led downstairs to his lab. His lab... But there was another place down there, wasn't there? He stared at nothing a moment, the stairs the only thing in his vision._

No, no, no...

_He was suddenly standing there._

_There was a door._

_A metal door._

_It was at the end of a long hallway. But it wasn't long enough._ Too close...

_He stood at the end of it, staring passed the dim lights that lined the right side of the grey corridor._

_He didn't want to go there._

What's in there?

_...Dark._

_It was dark in there, he was sure. He took a step forward, then another. His legs were like lead, too heavy but still moving on their own._

No!

_He didn't want to go there..._

_Then suddenly he was before the door. The creaking metal seemed to_ move,  _ripple_ -  _almost_ alive _, but nothing happened. It didn't budge, it didn't open, it only waited. Like death in a corner._

_Then a whispered voice behind him and he jerked around._

_Nothing._

_His breath came in short gasps and his vision blurred._

_"Who's there?" he called to the dim hall. His heart beat so fast he thought it would tear through his chest._

_Convinced he had imagined the sound he turned back to the metal door. But it was open. He jerked and fell onto his back like a force had hit him when the most terrifying_ wail _screeched out from the blackened nothingness beyond-_

Stark woke up so suddenly he would have fallen off the bed- except that he was tied down. Instead he sat upright, arms straining against their restraints, muscles coiling, hurting,  _pulling_. His eyes were too wide, his breath too thin and fast, his heart beating so furiously it would have ripped out of its white-bone cage if it were possible.

He swallowed. Then swallowed again. Sweat dripped down his face and the sheets were wet with it.

"Hey," he called without thinking.  _Where is everybody? Where... where am_ I _?_  he wondered, looking around. He attempted to catch his breath while he looked around, trying to calm his nerves by doing something mundane, something familiar.

The room was mostly white and, looking down, he realized he was indeed tied down.  _What the hell..._  He pulled at the soft restraints and continued looking around.

"Seriously, what the hell?" he called out again, voice broken and high. He swallowed a third time, throat suddenly so dry. He felt like he hadn't drank water in far too long. For the first time he noticed the IV going into his arm.  _Did I... was I hurt- did I get hurt?_ This place somewhat looked like a hospital, but it was strange. There weren't any windows and it was just...  _wrong_  for a hospital room. "Hey, anybody?" he said a little louder, leaning a little to look around his bed.

He wore a hospital gown- which still pointed to 'hospital', but he was tied down and didn't seem to have a 'call' button. A weird thought jumped into his head.  _I've gone insane. I'm in the loony bin, I've been tied down for my own good- all that drinking and partying and life-risking behavior... Pepper was right. Great. I'll never live this down._

" _Hey?!_ " he screamed louder this time.

The door suddenly burst open and a man walked in, but his start and wide eyes at seeing Tony awake told him the man hadn't come in here because of Tony's yelling.

"Oh wow, there is a staff here," said Tony. "Little help-" the man walked out in a rush, closing the door "-or not..." Tony laid back onto the bed with a huff, then yelled to the ceiling. "If this is a prank or something I'm gonna fucking kill you guys!" Nothing. Quiet. "Seriously, guys... Clint! If this is because I left your stupid-ass-"

The door opened again, quietly this time, but Tony still heard it, sitting back up. At seeing Natasha walk in he sighed in relief.

"Finally," he bemoaned, then sighed loudly again. "Romanoff, why the hell am I tied to this bed?" He held up his hands then shook them. She walked over quietly, saying nothing. He frowned. "Or... did I..." he leaned back. "Did I really go crazy?" He stared at her, and wasn't sure if he was really joking or not. "I've gone insane, haven't I? What did I do this time? Walk naked through some bachelorette party uninvited? I  _apologized_  last time, and I wasn't even really naked- they were exaggerating..." He eyed her suspiciously when she continued saying nothing. He quirked his jaw. "Seriously your kinda freaking me out right now. You got that 'I'm here to interrogate you' look. Should I be scared? Do I need my lawyer? Are you about to kill me?" he pointed a finger at her.

 _Well,_  he thought,  _this is unnerving_. Normally, Natasha didn't laugh at him, or even really smile, but she at least scoffed at him or shook her head, or  _something_ ; right now she was just sort of looking at him, not staring really, but  _looking_. It was... very weird. She's not a woman you want looking at you like some experimental creature in a petri dish.

Stark looked around, then shot his eyes back to her. "I know I shouldn't bring out the big guns, 'cause you know, you're my friend, but if you don't tell me what the hell's going on _right now_..." Dramatic pause. "I'm gonna have to tell Pepper," he finished quickly.

Still nothing. Not even a hint of a smile. Now Tony really  _was_  getting nervous.

"Tony," she said suddenly and he nearly rolled his eyes in relief. "What was the last thing you remember?"

And what the fuck was that question? "Huh?" he blurted out.

"The last thing you remember." She quirked an eyebrow but remained otherwise stone-faced.

"Uh..." he lowered his head in thought, eyes fixed on the far wall. "I don't... what?" he looked at her, brow furrowed.

"Tony," she sighed.

"Alright, alright!" he tried to hold up his hands in surrender, but couldn't.  _What the hell happened?_  "Um..." he really  _was_  trying to remember now, but his memory seemed hazy. He closed his eyes. "Me and, uh, let's see... Me and Bruce working on the cube, then..." he cracked one eye open. "We... uh..."  _Damn! What the hell's wrong with me?_ Why was his memory so muddled? Then it jumped into his head so suddenly he nearly spit the word out. "Loki!" Now  _this_  got a reaction from her, her eyebrows lifting a little. "Bruce, uh, Bruce had already left, he had some kind of... shit, something he had to do overseas, then..." He shook his head, as if that would jog his memory. "Yeah, yeah... Loki just popped up in my tower, then," he felt like his brain was actively trying to hide something from him. "I don't know..."

"Take your time..." said Natasha's strangely soothing voice.

He squinted. "Yeah, uh... He- he was in the basement, or... no it was a cell and..." His eyes went wide. "The collar- the collar I made for him, I- I put it on him, and... wait," he looked at the red-head. "Did it work? I mean, did he- did he get away? Did you guys take him?"

Natasha stared at him, face blank. "No. You never told us you had him."

Tony frowned. "What the hell's that mean? Did we- the Avengers, did we keep him there? I mean, I guess it sorta makes sense, Thor not wanting his brother in the hands of such a  _benevolent_  spy organization like your... own..." he trailed off at the look in her eyes. The problem was he didn't exactly know  _what_  that look meant, but it still creeped him out severely. "So..." he drawled. "So where is he?"

Ignoring his question, she asked something else that caught him completely off-guard. "Stark, what day is it?"

He gave her a blank look. "What... day is it." She nodded, nonplussed. "What... day- uh let's see..." he looked around the room as if it were a really important question, which it wasn't. "The day is: who the fuck cares?! What the hell is  _going on_ , Natasha?"

She leaned in closer, suddenly. "Answer my question:  _what is the date_?"

"Um," he leaned back, really confused now.  _This is just too weird._  "It-It's May. May... I-" He grimaced at his memory. "Okay, I don't actually remember the  _exact_  date- Don't hit me!" He mockingly turned his head away and closed his eyes, then cracked an eye open when she said nothing.

For the first time her expression was one he was more used to: condescending and ready for an eye-roll any second now. Then she said, "Stark, it's April."

"Huh?" he frowned. "Oh shit, did I invent a time machine and go back in time and that's why I'm strapped to this bed, because future-Tony can't exist in the same place as present-Tony - you're really freaking me out with your face, you know." Because she was so  _serious_  again. Her eyes frequently lowered, as if thinking, like there was something on the tip of her tongue.

And when her eyes finally landed on his, so slowly, almost something like pain behind them - although he knew better, this was  _Natasha_. Still... there was  _something_  there, and the fact that he, of all people, _could tell_  sent shivers down his spine. His tongue was suddenly too heavy and his mouth hung open, like a door waiting to be slammed shut by whatever might come next.

"Stark," she started, then, "Tony," she said instead, "you've been... gone... nearly a year." His brow creased but he said nothing. "You had Loki that entire time. You put the collar on him - and yes, it  _did_  work - and then you moved him to your house in Malibu." Tony blinked, unsure what to think; all he could do was listen, her tone so calm yet so ominous at the same time. "You didn't tell anyone you had him, and you kept him locked in your basement, some kind of cell you built, I guess."

He felt his breath quickening, his heart beginning to beat faster.  _Basement... cell... dark..._ His eyes left hers, falling on the blankets at his feet. He finally found his voice,  _had_  to say something. "Why... why can't I remember?" He never looked at her, the sheets were all he could see.

"I don't know," she said quietly but firmly. "You hurt him, Tony." His eyes flicked to hers. "You hurt him a lot."

 _Hurt him..._  But that wasn't the whole truth, was it?  _Blue..._   _d_ _ark..._  He closed his eyes, the black behind his eyelids so terrifying, so familiar, but  _not_. What was he seeing? There was something lingering there, something screaming and something else...blue, something eating at him and something scratching at his skin and his eyes and everything hurt,  _why can't I remember?_

And her next words took his breath away. "You raped him. You tortured him. You did it... you did it to him a lot..."

Tony suddenly couldn't breathe- he  _couldn't breathe_. He tried to intake a breath, but he  _couldn't_. His eyes were wide now, looking at her. Panicked.  _I can't breathe_ , he wanted to say.

_Blue, blue, blue._

Something in his eyes must have screamed at her because her eyes widened in return. "Tony?" she said worriedly.

He opened his mouth like a fish, nothing coming in. His vision blurred.

 _Blue, blue, blue... I can't see anymore, what is that? Where am I? Who's there?_ It's not blue like the thing in his chest - a wrong blue,  _not mine..._ _  
_

He sat up straight, then his voice spoke, "I'm... I'm gonna vomit now." And before he knew it his hands were free and he was moving without his knowledge somewhere... somewhere. There was a toilet in his vision next; ugly yellowed water was there, too. But before he could wash his mouth off, wash it _out_ , he was standing, trying to walk back out, but he couldn't-  _couldn't_  because the stain wouldn't go away, his mouth-  _he_  would never be clean again.  _I can't- can't... just have to, get out..._

He walked into the room and Natasha's hands,  _too_  warm hands were on his arms, steadying him. He pushed her away.  _No!_  "No, it's..." he coughed out a laugh. "No, this is bullshit. This is- this is..." he stumbled onto one knee beside the bed, she caught him again, he tried to push her away. " _Stop_ , touching me!" he yelled, but she didn't heed him.  _Can't breathe._ She squatted down next to him and he realized he was sitting on the floor. So cold against him and he wanted to vomit again. "This is a really cruel fucking joke, Nat, this is-" but his face was scrunching up as he tried not to cry-  _tried_  so hard not to but the wetness was already spilling. " _Fuck,_ " he coughed out and rubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Fuck..."  _It's true isn't it it's true..._  He knew it was true,  _but no, it can't be true, but there's too much... too much of it, too much blue..._  "What the fuck am I  _saying_?!" he suddenly screamed out.

Her hand was still warm on his shoulder. Unmoving, strange. It was his support, he knew, but he couldn't accept it. He was alone and she was alone. Two people alone in a room together. How did that make sense? Nothing would be okay again and he knew it, oh how he  _knew it_. What would happen now? He didn't want to think, there was too much noise in his head and too much darkness- it was so loud it was eerily quiet. There was an expanse surrounding him, midnight broiling like a mass of unending ink, vicious on his skin and inside, too. He grabbed his head with both hands and sat and felt the coldness beneath him and the warmth of the hand on him because he had to  _hold on_.  _Just hold on, Tony, you idiot, just hold on..._  But he couldn't make it go away, could he? It was there, and it was waiting.

And somewhere, somewhere so deep he trembled with the hollowness of it, a whispered voice screamed at him:  _"Shall we play again?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all of you Tony fans out there, hope you liked this Tony-only chapter! And for my Loki fans, no worries, this is still a Loki-centric fic, more with him next chapter. I'd love to hear you guys' thoughts on this chapter. ^^


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo sorry for the insane hiatus, you guys! I have no excuse. Okay, I do have excuses, mostly a busy life and extreme writer's block (worst combination ever) but still, I hate leaving you guys hanging! I can't guarantee that my writer's block/busy life isn't going to interfere again, but I'll try not to go so long between updates again. ^^ Longer chapter to make up for it a bit, hehe.
> 
> Since it's been so long, you guys might not recognize it, but there's a bit of a flashback in this chapter that's from an earlier chapter.

"Are you  _sure_  he's..." Steve hesitated, "himself?"

Natasha nodded, solemn but clearly certain. "He doesn't seem to remember anything, or..." now she hesitated, "maybe he doesn't remember most of it; I'm not sure."

Thor had insisted they have this conversation with Loki, in his - or rather  _their_  - new room on the helicarrier, but now, looking at his younger brother, he was unsure if it had been the best decision. Loki's face was pale- paler than usual, and the way his wide eyes darted around, the way his hand squeezed Thor's tighter, made Thor's heart ache.

The two brothers were sat on a small couch at one end of the room while the other Avengers, save Tony, had gathered chairs and dragged them into a semi-circle near the couch.

Clint spoke next, "But you're sure. I mean, he's not gonna... try and..." He looked around at the others. "I don't know!" he defended. "Kill us or stab us in the back or something while we sleep- holy hell that did not sound right."

Steve squinted at him and Natasha frowned. Bruce didn't even seem to be listening and the two brothers were too concerned with each other to pay the others much heed.

"Loki," Thor said quietly, rubbing the other's back, "are you well? Do you wish to-"

"I'm fine, Thor," interrupted the trickster, but the bite that should have been there wasn't. His green eyes continued to watch the others with a fear that made Thor want to kick them out - as politely as he could manage with his brother still clinging to him like a lifeline that might disappear at any moment.

"So," said Steve to Natasha, "did you get anything more out of him? Like the key to Loki's collar? Anything else?"

She shook her head. "The 'key' isn't a traditional key; the lock is electronically sealed and we'd need the code to open it." She paused, glancing at the brothers. "But...it looks like Tony doesn't remember the code-"

"Could he be lying?" asked Steve with a soft voice.

"No. I don't think so. Tony's not the best liar and even if he somehow  _learned_  recently..." Her brows furrowed slightly. "No. He's not lying; not to me at least."

"But," Clint interjected, "why doesn't he remember? I thought you said he remembered designing the collar - wouldn't he have set up the code then?"

Natasha shook her head. "My guess would be that he changed it after... After he put it on Loki." Her gaze was hard but apologetic toward the gods.

"So what should we do?" asked Clint, and it was obviously the same question on everyone's minds.

Thor also knew that the question,  _Should we do_ anything _?_ was also on everyone's minds. Loki was safe for the time being, and Stark was, seemingly, harmless and - Thor hated thinking it - even, perhaps, blameless. It couldn't be that simple, though, no. To  _Loki_ , at least, it probably didn't matter that Tony didn't remember; he was still haunted and damaged and perpetually fearful and whatever changed with _Stark_  wouldn't necessarily change with Loki.

Steve spoke quietly after a long pause, "He designed the collar, do you think he could, I don't know, fix it? Open it, somehow?"

Natasha's eyebrows lifted slightly. "I'll ask him."

Suddenly, everything seemed so strained, awkward. Was it pointless, this discussion? Natasha had told them everything that had transpired between she and Stark, and although Loki listened, Thor had a difficult time reading his brother. A few of the Avengers seemed relieved, while others, like Barton, looked disturbed. Thor wondered why. Could it be that Clint sympathized with Loki more than the others? Or did the archer simply not believe his partner, that Stark was indeed lying, somehow.

* * *

_Dark. Dark. Everywhere dark._

Where am I?

_A scream erupted next to him, he jumped back as his back hit a wall. Hard and flat and so real._

_Another scream, so close, he couldn't_ see _and his heart beat too fast and_ where is it what is it where am I?!

_Silence._

_Breathing._

_It wasn't just his own breathing. There was something else in here with him. His fingers felt along the wall behind him. Wet. Sticky. Cold and warm mingled._

_Tony's breath shook as he tried to suck in every breath, wondering if it might be his last._

I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here.

_He felt a soft bed beneath him, like an echo, so far away..._

_But at the same time the wall was still there, still dark, still- the_ smell _._

_Suddenly, a bright light attacked him. The sound of gears grinding against metal assaulted his ears. He cowered against the wall, arms covering his face as he half-crouched against the wall, stickiness seeping through his already sweaty shirt._

Who's there, where am I?

 _He opened his eyes but they were blurry, he could barely_ see _. Something moved near him, a chain rattled against the floor. Dark figure on the floor. Moving, whimpering. Too-bright lights and_ red, red, red-

 _Tony couldn't control his breathing. Red and brown and_ what the fuck is this?!  _The smell of blood made him gag- he vomited on the floor next to him._

_Voices in the lights._

_"...You'll be happy... I kept them out."_

What-

_"Try to run away."_

Red. There's too much red!

_"D-Do w-what again?"_

Have to get out- need out- can't-can't-

_"...going to try to escape again?"_

No...

_"I-I kept them out..."_

No more! This isn't me! Stop stop  _stop_ -!

_"Please?"_

_The body on the floor. Tony couldn't stop looking at it. There was a man, too._ Not me not me.  _He stood still, face hidden, face away from Tony-_

_"Are you going to try to escape again?" the man asked the body on the floor._

_"No, no more, no no no no. I-I-I'll do what you want, what you say, anything, anything you say," replied the body. Red teeth and green eyes jumped to Tony, suddenly. Tony flinched fiercely, unable to breathe beneath the too-wide gaze. Then the body smiled, grin so wide his face seemed to split. "I kept them out...You'll be happy."_

 

 

X - X

Tony felt himself falling but he didn't feel the floor hit him. He breathed hard against the cold seeping in through his thin clothes. For several minutes, he just breathed.  _Breathe, breathe, breathe, you fucking idiot, breathe!_  But when he felt light-headed, and then cold from the sweat covering his body, he cursed himself.  _Damn. Too much breathing, maybe._

He tried to sit up, and although he shook fiercely, he managed to lean against the side of the bed with his back.

 _Hospital_ , whispered his mind.  _No, you idiot-_ helicarrier _, not hospital._

His breathing finally calmed but his heart still beat too quickly.

 _Fuck. What the hell_ was  _that?_

* * *

"Sorry, guys," mumbled Bruce as he stood up slowly and shuffled toward the door. "I've got something running up in the lab-"

"Of course," said Steve, waving a hand in understanding. "This wasn't really going anywhere anyway," he whispered almost to himself.

The scientist nodded and walked out the door, with apologetic looks to everyone- especially Thor.

Loki knew he should feel a bit safer with Bruce Banner out of the room - or, perhaps, simply because there was one less Midgardian in the room - but he felt no change, the same apprehension and fear still lingering in his bones, edging him ever closer to begging his brother to make the mortals leave.

It wasn't as if he didn't  _appreciate_  them and what they had done for him, but he simply couldn't find comfort in their company. He knew  _they_  hadn't hurt him, but his mind couldn't help but group them in with the mortal who did;  _he_  was human and so were they - he couldn't  _not_  connect them.

Rogers ran a tired hand through his hair. "Uh, I guess we should all get some sleep." He looked to Barton and Romanoff. "We can pick this up later- Thor?" The thunder god barely moved to acknowledge the mortal. "You guys okay? Need anything-?"

"We are well, Rogers," said Thor, and Loki wondered if he only imagined the slight impatience in his brother's voice, as if he too wished them to leave. Still, Thor remained polite and even smiled - although it was clearly for the mortals' benefit; Loki knew better. And, perhaps, he should be offended at Thor speaking for him, yet he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. Thor always spoke for him now, although he wasn't sure if he should be comforted at not being required to make decisions or outraged that Thor thought him too weak to speak for himself. But wasn't it true? Wasn't Loki too broken to be trusted with any decision, even ones that influenced his life directly?

He snuggled closer to Thor and decided not to care about any of it. At least he had control over  _that_  much.

The mortals talked amongst themselves for a few minutes more before the three left, sympathetic glances his way telling Loki that they apparently felt  _concern_  for him.  _Oh, shut up,_  he scolded himself.  _They're only trying to help._  Another thought invaded, though.  _Help? What good was their help this past year? Stark is one of_ them _, what took them so long? Why didn't they find me before I became...before I became..._

"...Loki!"

_...helpless..._

Loki jerked up to find Thor's concerned face filling his vision, harsh hands gripping his shoulders. It took a moment for him to gather himself. "Th-Thor? What is it?"

The thunderer frowned, concern barely ebbing. "Are you well?"

 _Didn't you just answer that for me?_  Loki shook his head but still answered, "I'm fine."

"No you aren't, stop saying that."

"What else should I say?" he spit back, the harsh tone making even himself wince. Thor leaned back, hands leaving a warmness behind that Loki desperately wanted to keep. "I..."

"It's alright, brother," Thor interjected, quietly.

It felt cold, suddenly, without Thor so close. But for some reason, Loki made a point not to rub his arms. Thor would see.  _What is wrong with you?_ he hissed at himself.  _You know he would not hesitate to embrace you._  But he remained stiff, staring at nothing. And suddenly it was too late to change his mind as Thor was standing up and moving across the room, straightening the disarray caused by his friends' visit.

"...Thor?" Loki blurted out. Thor turned around but said nothing, eyebrows slightly raised. "Nothing."

"What is it, brother?"

"I said it's nothing."  _Stupid, stupid, what is wrong with you?_

Thor moved to the bed in the corner opposite the couch, then placed a hand tentatively - far too lightly for Thor - on its sheets. "Do you wish to sleep?" he asked without turning around. When Loki said nothing for several minutes he turned his head. "Brother?"

It wasn't that Loki hadn't heard him, he just didn't know what to say. Such a simple question, why couldn't he answer? "I..."

"Brother?" Thor said again, walking toward him with concern in his brilliant blue eyes. He joined Loki where he still sat on the couch. Before Loki could pull away, he grabbed both hands in his strangely gentle ones; he had never known Thor to be so gentle, when had that changed? "Whatever is the matter?" The eyes watched him intently, concern growing as Loki remained silent. What could he say? Suddenly, Thor pulled him into a tight hug, arms wrapping around him. "Oh, my dear brother. Why can I never make it right?"

 _Make it right... Make it right? No one can make it right. It'll never be right. I'm not right. I'm not_ me _anymore, can't you see?_ He tried to make the words come out, but only tears fell.

Loki wrapped his arms around Thor, still unable to utter any sound except sorrowful sobs.

_Please, I can't take this anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me- I don't know what to say anymore. You're all I have- I can't feel the ground beneath my feet, there's nothing there. I'm lost- so lost. Lost and alone in this abyss..._

Thor pulled him tighter, as if he knew Loki's thoughts. "Please, brother," whispered the blonde against his head, "don't despair. Please don't despair. I'm here..."

_It won't matter. Won't matter- How can you find me in the dark if I can't even find myself?_

"Don't give up on me...I...I love you-"

Suddenly, Loki felt a sharp stabbing pain assault his head.

Thor started and pulled back, worried. "Loki? What-"

The pain stopped a moment later but, just then, a loud sound filled the room as red lights flashed overhead.  _"Warning. Code 418 in effect. Warning. Code 418 in effect."_ The obviously automated female voice made Loki cringe and instinctively jump into Thor's arms.

"What is that?!" Loki hissed fearfully.

Thor thought for a moment, then his eyes went wide. "That is the code for Banner!"

"W-what-?"

"For when the Hulk emerges. Loki," he turned to the younger god, hands once again on both shoulders. "I must go- I am the only one able to-"

"You're going to  _leave me_?!" Loki didn't mean for his voice to squeak but he couldn't help it.  _He's leaving he's leaving he's leaving._

Thor gripped him tighter just as something shook the floor. Loki eyed the ceiling as a panic suddenly ripped at his stomach.

"Loki," Thor said again, suddenly serious and voice low, still somehow easily heard over the noise. "Stay here. Lock the door. Do  _not_  leave under any circumstance."

Without waiting for a response Thor called Mjolnir to him and stood up. Loki nodded absent-mindedly as he watched Thor move. The thunderer gave one last glance at his brother before leaving and shutting the door firmly behind him.

* * *

"What the  _fuck_  is happening out there?!" Tony screamed to no one in particular - mostly because there was no one in the room. " _Hello?_ " he drawled loudly to the cameras in the room. The floor shook again, then again as a cup fell off the nightstand and skittered across the floor.

He moved around the room and checked the doors for the millionth time. There were three doors: two exits and the bathroom and the two he needed to open right now, wouldn't.

When the floor lurched, sending him to the floor, he yelped. "Shit-  _fuck!_  Where is everybody?!"

Suddenly, the door burst open as a helmeted agent rushed in. The man looked around for a moment, then, when his eyes - which Tony couldn't see - fell on the billionaire, he all but ran toward to him. Alarmed for some reason, Tony took several steps back.

"Woah, woah, woah-!" But the man didn't stop and, before Tony could react, the man backhanded the genius. "Fuck-!" Tony ducked the next blow, then pushed the man back with both arms as he backed away, against the wall. "What the fuck is-" The agent wasn't giving him a break as he lurched forward and caught Tony around the waist. Immediately, Tony countered by elbowing him in the back twice. The agent slumped down to one knee but in the next instant lifted Tony off the ground and slammed him against the wall. Tony saw stars for a moment but regained his senses in time to stop the man from grabbing at his throat. He flicked both hands away with his own, then quickly jabbed at the man's throat, causing him to double over, then, without waiting for him to recover, used the wall at his back to help kick the agent in the stomach. The man flew backward just as another lurch of the helicarrier caused him to stumble. Seeing an opportunity, and managing to keep his footing, Tony grabbed the closest thing to him - which happened to be a bedpan - and struck the agent multiple times, again and again and again, until he stopped trying to get back up.

"Holy fucking psycho agents!" Tony yelled as he fell against the wall, adrenaline still pumping fiercely. "What the fuck was  _that_?!" he once again screamed to the ceiling- and no one. Again.

Unfortunately, the door had closed on its own. He was trapped again.

_Fucking hell._

A muffled - and very distinctive - roar reached his ears.

The stream of profanities didn't stop for several minutes.

* * *

The god of mischief cowered behind the couch, having moved it toward the corner so he could hide there. He knew anyone looking for him could easily find him, but he was more concerned with the mindless Hulk at the moment; he reasoned that the beast wouldn't specifically  _look_  for something he couldn't readily see.

The floor shook every so often and Loki couldn't help but curl into himself further. He hugged his knees tighter and hid his face. He knew he should keep an eye out, at least  _look_  for any possible danger, but he couldn't stop the old habit of hiding his face when he was terrified.

 _How long will this go on?_ While Loki worried for his own safety, he also found himself worrying over his brother. Although he knew Thor did not easily lose - in fact he had  _never_  known him to lose - the thunder god seemed to fair far worse than usual against the Hulk. Although Loki only knew of one instance of the two fighting, he wasn't certain how equal that fight had been or if Thor had had any help.  _But surely the mortals will aid Thor?_

The door suddenly burst open, as if the person entering was in a great hurry. Although hopeful that it was Thor, Loki remained hidden, certain that his brother would easily guess where he was hidden. If it somehow  _wasn't_  Thor, though... Loki scrunched down, hiding himself further, mindful of his leash and collar, making certain they made no noise.

Loki's heart jumped into his throat when he heard an unfamiliar voice. "Where are you, you little shit?" asked a male voice.

Fear gripping him, Loki pressed himself - slowly, quietly - against the floor. He could see beneath the couch. Dark boots slowly walked across the floor, apparently searching.

Of course-  _of course_  this would happen! Many of these mortals still held a grudge against Loki - although he had never thought they would shirk their duty by attacking him during a crisis... It didn't matter now, did it? Someone was here to exact vengeance and Loki knew he couldn't stay hidden forever.

A panicked voice whispered in his mind:  _he'll find you, it won't matter how well you've hidden. He'll hurt you like Stark did- and then he'll do more, Thor will return to a mangled corpse-_

He couldn't help the small whimper that escaped.

The couch was suddenly pushed aside as it slid across the floor and hit a table. Loki yelped when a rough hand yanked him up by his hair and forced him to his knees.

"Well, what do we have here?" said a mockingly gleeful voice. The blonde man shook the god with one hand in his hair, a weapon in the other, ready to end his life - or so Loki assumed. Yet, it wasn't pointed at him.

The man saw him looking.

"What? You think it's gonna be that easy? Boom, you're dead?" He chuckled darkly, smiling. "Too easy. You're goin' out  _slow_." He dragged the last word out and Loki whimpered.

 _Get away, get away! Fight back, you coward!_  Loki's mind screamed, but he was frozen. He couldn't even make words come out, his tongue felt as if it had swollen in his mouth in the last few seconds. He couldn't stop the tears when they fell.

The man laughed as he shook Loki again, hand gripping tighter to black locks. "You're fucking pathetic, you know that?"

Loki didn't know why he was doing it but he nodded furiously.  _Please, please go away..._

He barked out a laugh, throwing his head back. "Obedient little bitch, aren't you? Good boy." He sobered up a moment. "Now let's see how obedient you  _stay_."

He threw Loki's head forward until it hit the hard floor. He yelped but remained quiet otherwise. Being suddenly prostrate sent a jolt of fear through Loki, but he couldn't control his rigid body enough to move or crawl or  _do something!_

"Well look at that," continued the mortal. "You always present yourself like this? No wonder Stark fucked you so much," he chuckled.

Loki breathed harshly through his nose.  _Get up! Get up!_ But it didn't  _matter_  because he  _couldn't_.

"Stay the fuck where you are," instructed the mortal. But when Loki heard the sound of a zipper, he moved on instinct; he lurched forward, crawling across the floor in a panic.

" _No! No!_ " he barely heard himself scream.

"Oh no you don't-!" hissed the man.

Suddenly, Loki choked and gagged as he felt a sharp tug on his collar.  _No!_  He continued to scramble, to try and get away, but he was too frightened to move fast enough, or even try harder.

The chain of his leash clanked just as the mortal came up behind him and once again forced him to his knees, but via the collar, this time. Loki choked when the mortal pulled at the metal harshly.

"I thought I told you  _stay_!" screamed the mortal. Then he bent down, close to Loki's ear, so close he felt the moisture of his breath. He whispered, " _Didn't you say you'd do what I want? Anything I said?_ " The god's eyes widened, his hackles rising. " _Didn't I tell you to never run away from me again? Didn't you_ agree _? Beg me to stay?_ "

Despite the collar choking him, and despite his terror, Loki slowly moved his head around to stare at the mortal. To  _see..._   _It can't be-_

But the mortal's eyes were blue. Not the natural and calming blue of Thor's or the Captain's, but  _that_  blue... Tesseract blue...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, I just had to go with a cliffhanger, didn't I? So sorry about that, lol. Don't worry, though, I've got almost all of the next chapter written so it shouldn't be too long until the next update - I just need time to proofread it, etc. Not sure how long that'll take me...
> 
> Also, you guys see TTDW? Maybe that's what got me back to writing this - loved it. Gotta go see it again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Again... ;) Didn't think it would take this long to update - tempus fugit, ugh. But at least it wasn't several months! And we're back to our regularly sized chapters here. Thank you to my readers and reviewers, you guys are awesome. Sorry if I don't get around to responding to all your comments but I read every single one. :)
> 
> But anyway, hope you enjoy. ^^

Loki's entire body seized up at the revelation.  _No! It's impossible!_  But how could the agent have known those words? The very words and pleas that had been spoken on that fateful day, when Stark allowed him out of his personal hel and into the light? He had begged him then, to stay with him, to let him out-  _How can he know?_

It was impossible. Wasn't it? His eyes...

Loki yelped when he was once again thrown to the ground - this time with the mortal's tight grip around his collar - as a pair of metal cuffs were fastened around his wrists behind his back.

Still stricken with confusion and panic, Loki didn't resist, barely acknowledged the metal until it was already on him.

The man sat on Loki's back, suddenly, straddling him. He bent down again and whispered, " _You think you can get away that easily, Jotun? Didn't you say you were mine? Your brother won't survive - you'll be mine again and we can watch him bleed together..._ "

He could hear the smile in the mortal's words, but he refused to believe them - or, at least, that Thor could ever be defeated - now  _that_  was impossible.

"Let's start with that lying tongue of yours, hm?" he said suddenly.

_What-?_

A knife was suddenly near Loki's face and he tried to jerk away.

"Nuh-uh. No moving. Wouldn't want to cut up your pretty face-" But Loki couldn't remain still. He knew what the mortal meant to do-

"No!" Loki screeched, trying to struggle.

" _Be still!_ " he screamed into his ear causing Loki to freeze in fright. Eyes wide, he couldn't bring himself to defy, suddenly.  _Move, move, please move!_  He breathed in and out, so fast, in a panic.  _You don't have to listen to him. He's no one- no one to you!_  The knife neared, slowly, as if deliberately. "Now, open your mouth..."

Tears fell from Loki's eyes. He tried to shy away but he couldn't. He also couldn't bring himself to open his mouth, either.

" _Now!_ " screamed the mortal and Loki complied, unable to stop himself opening his mouth.

_No no no! Why are you listening? Just stop!_

The metal touched the side of his mouth, he whimpered and jerked.

"Stay still..."

A popping noise nearby made Loki flinch, but the next moment the mortal let go of the knife just as he slumped heavily against Loki, pushing him to the floor.

_What's happening- Did he change his mind?_

"Fuck, Loki!" exclaimed a familiar voice. "I mean, uh...I really feel weird saying that word around you anymore..."

The weight of the - apparently now unconscious - agent suddenly lifted, just as Loki was turned over, somewhat carefully. "A-Agent Barton?" Loki stuttered, utter surprise engulfing him.

The mortal smirked. "Nice to see you remember me."

Loki continued staring, wide-eyed and confused. He looked to the man at his side, he was indeed asleep. "What-" He didn't finish his sentence as the floor shuddered.  _Thor...the Hulk..._  His eyes snapped back to Barton's. "Thor- where's Thor? What's happened? How did- what-?"

"Woah, woah, one thing at a time." He helped Loki sit up, then taking out a set of keys, he uncuffed the trembling god. "But first - because Thor would kill me if I didn't - you okay?" He returned to face Loki, leaning down on one knee, his expression one of slight worry - genuine. The god couldn't help but feel grateful.

Loki nodded quickly. He  _wasn't_  okay, of course, and he knew his falling tears no doubt gave it away, but he didn't care - he wanted to know where  _Thor_  was. "What is happening?" He wished his voice wouldn't shake pathetically but it couldn't be helped.

The archer sighed, looking about, then back at Loki. "The Hulk." Any other time and Loki might have rolled his eyes. "Which...you probably already guessed. Thor's fighting him, I guess you guessed that, too. No idea  _what the fuck_  is going on with everybody else, though."

Loki frowned. "W-what do you mean?" he asked, although he had his own ideas. Or, at least, an idea of what might have afflicted the agent.

"That guy," Barton nodded in the agent's direction. "I guess you noticed the eyes?" Loki nodded. "Tesseract, I'm guessing." Barton seemed to be waiting for some reaction from Loki but he continued anyway. "No idea  _how_  or why or whatever the hell other questions we should be asking but everyone has gone fucking  _nuts_. A few blue-eyed agents just started attacking everyone else, and..."

"...What?"

"There's a lot more of them now than when this whole thing started."

Loki looked to the ground, trying to keep his mind from reeling, his breath from stuttering. "And...Thor?"  _Please no please no please-_

"I don't know. He's fighting the Hulk, though. I guess...that's a good sign?"

There was no way to know. Green eyes met Barton's. "What are we to do?" Loki didn't say what he really wanted to, didn't want to ask the question that gnawed at his mind, because what if it became true? What if...could  _he_ , could  _Barton_  come under the influence of the Tesseract? Other questions flew passed. What did the Tesseract have to do with what had happened to Loki? How did the agent know? Was it just a coincidence, something unrelated to what was happening?

"Come on," Barton spoke as he stood up. "We can't stay here." At Loki's questioning look, he replied, "That guy there, he made a beeline for this room." Loki frowned. Barton snorted. "Thor asked me to look after you - more like  _ordered_ , but anyway." He made his way to the door and peeked out, then looked to Loki. "I saw you on the security cams. There really wasn't anyone on this level except you and Mister Frisky here." He walked to Loki and helped him stand. "You hurt?" Loki shook his head, uncertain what to say. "Okay. Let's get the hell outta here before somebody else with creepy eyes comes looking for you."

X - X

Indeed there were few people on this level, although the floor continued to shake indicating that a battle waged elsewhere, which no doubt occupied most of the helicarrier's residents. Barton had explained that he had no intention of  _killing_  any of the blue-eyed agents, unless absolutely necessary. The popping noise Loki had heard earlier was some sort of gun that rendered the agent unconscious instead of killing him. Loki was uncertain what to feel about that, except that it was probably prudent, if...if these people were indeed not in control of their actions.

Loki shivered.

"You okay?" Barton kept asking him that, Loki never knew how to answer. He nodded. "You know," they passed into another room, also empty, "I'm not sure if I ever believe you." He glanced back at Loki. "No offense."

"No..." responded the god. "I understand." No, he didn't. He truly didn't know how to answer the archer. Words frequently passed between them but Loki barely knew what to do with any of it.

Loki suddenly realized that he had been so long without contact with others that he didn't even know how to respond or react around them. Thor he was accustomed to, but others... What could he expect from them? What did  _they_  expect of  _him_? Did they secretly hate him, want to hurt him, and if Thor wasn't around, would they act on those desires?

Barton had told Loki to stay behind him and to crouch down, try not to draw attention to them. Feeling vulnerable and ever more fearful with each step, Loki clasped the back of the agent's black vest, and, to Loki's relief, he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to prefer it, if only so that he would know where Loki was at all times while he looked out for other agents in each new room or corridor.

Loki had no idea where they were. The helicarrier seemed a labyrinth of corridors, rooms and labs, all unfamiliar and innumerable. What made it worse was that there was very little variation in architecture - he was having difficulty keeping track of where they were, which doors they had passed through. Still, he kept his head low and tried not to tremble too much as he kept one hand perpetually on the archer's back, hoping that Thor would soon return.

* * *

"I really can't take much more of this!" Tony shouted at the third unconscious agent that lay at his feet. He coughed and leaned against the wall by the door, wondering what the  _hell_  was going on.

Actually, he was also very surprised at how the hell he had beat his third SHIELD agent in a row. Not that he was a slouch when it came to fighting, but these guys - well, two men and one woman - were specifically  _trained_  for this sort of thing, and Tony didn't even have his suit.

Squinting, Tony noticed that the second agent's foot had somehow gotten caught in the door during the third scuffle.  _Well, what the hell..._  He moved toward it and, immediately, nearly fell back as two people crashed through the door as they fought each other.

" _Holy shit-!_ " yelled Tony.

The two men, both dressed in SHIELD uniforms, wrestled with each other as if their lives depended on it.

"Mister Stark!" one of them yelled as he knocked the other down. "Get the hell out of here! They're out of contro-" The other punched him and their struggle continued.

 _Well, far be it for me to ignore an order..._  Not that SHIELD agents had any authority over him, even Fury didn't have that luxury.

Not knowing what the fuck was going on, or just  _who_  he should help - if he did - Tony stumbled out of the infirmary.

 _Now what?_  The corridor was in  _chaos_. At least eight agents were fighting each other. Gunshots reverberated through the floor and walls, somewhere to his left. Scientists, agents, medical personnel, men, women-  _everyone!_   _What in the name of Thor's dad is fucking happening here?!_

Ducking under a stray kick from a female agent, Tony made his way down the corridor. The few that noticed him -  _and what is up with their eyes_  - he pushed away as quickly as possible and continued running down the hallway; he didn't have time for this.

He had one destination in mind, and only one thing he could think to do.  _Just hope it works._

* * *

"The helicarrier's server rooms are one level above this one," stated Barton. "Almost nobody goes there, and, well, if there's anyone there to attack us, they'll just be some computer nerds. Shouldn't be a problem." By Barton's light tone, Loki assumed he was attempting to assuage the god's fears; not to mention, Loki had no idea what a "nerd" or "server" was, although he assumed the latter might be some sort of servants' quarters.

Seeing several agents fighting in the corridor outside of the "office", Barton opted to take another route. He said something about not wanting to 'risk it' given that he had to look out for Loki. The god lowered his head, suddenly feeling like a burden.

"Hey," said Barton, glancing back a moment. "I'm not saying you're useless or anything." Except that's  _exactly_  what Loki was - a liability. "I'm just saying that all this might have something to do with you; I can't let them get their hands on you," he finished in a pragmatic tone.

Loki nodded but wasn't sure he believed him. Barton had also said that Thor would 'tear him a new one' if something happened to him, although Loki wasn't sure just  _what_  he was afraid Thor would tear, he understood his meaning.

The archer put a hand on Loki's shoulder, stopping them just shy of another closed door, tranquilizer gun ready. He looked back at Loki. "You know," he said, as if he wasn't sure he should speak his next words, as if they had just popped in his head, "you could have just twisted that guy's head off." Loki frowned, bemused. "I mean...not that I'm saying you should have. Just...you know, you  _could have_." Loki still didn't understand. A small sigh escaped Barton. "The  _agent_ , the one that attacked you? You could've killed him, you know, really easily." Barton opened the door a crack, then quickly shut it, gritting his teeth in annoyance.

And suddenly, Loki understood.  _Killed him..._  Could he have? Loki shook his head, so confused, breath quickening.  _Could have...could have...killed him?_  He scrunched his eyes shut.  _No...no I-I couldn't-_

"I'm not condoning it, of course," continued Barton, "just that...you don't have to be a doormat."

His voice was so far away; Loki's hand on the agent's vest felt numb. He felt dizzy - his mind, distant.

"...that Thor's not always gonna be there, you know? I'm not saying you should fight back, exactly, just that..." his voice trailed off into a low murmur in the back of Loki's mind.

 _No no no no..._  Words rushed back to him, echoes from memories he wished to bury, to forget. Nightmares, even when awake.  _No please._   _"...the second you step out of line, the door goes shut, and no more mister nice guy."_  There weren't any lights there. So dark. He couldn't pull himself away, couldn't stop- couldn't take himself away-  _get away!_  Blood everywhere and there was no one, no one for so long and dark, dark, dark,  _please don't make me!_

"... _Loki!_ " Barton's voice crashed in and Loki wrenched his eyes open. He breathed hard, in and out, so shallow and not enough-  _never enough_. "I'm sorry-" breathed Barton. "Sorry, really, I didn't mean- _damn_..." murmured the archer. Loki suddenly noticed the two hands gripping his shoulders, the worried eyes of the man before him. "Seriously, just- sorry. I didn't mean it, okay?" Questioning eyes. Loki nodded absently, breath slowing. "You're okay...you're okay..." the archer repeated. "...right?" The two hands rubbed a little, meant to be comforting but they only served to unnerve Loki further. Seeing his reaction, Barton let go. He didn't turn away, though. "You don't have to do anything," he assured with worried tone. "Just," he turned around, "stay behind me. Don't let go. Understand?" Even the obvious order was softly spoken.

Loki nodded but Barton didn't seem to need to see it.

X - X

It turned out the "server rooms" were  _not_  what Loki was expecting. Tall metal casings with blinking buttons and other things he didn't recognize filled the rooms. Each one the same. The floor was a strange black rubbery substance and the ceiling was high.

There was, as Barton had predicted, no one here. Still, the archer walked methodically, from line to line, checking every corner. Loki followed, barely a step behind, both hands secured to the agent's back as they moved. Reaching the end of the vast room - the largest of the three, or so Loki assumed, unless there were more - Barton stopped. He looked around. "Fuck. Wish I had Stark here, he could-"

Loki whimpered and ducked his head, curling up against one of the long metal containers nearby.

"Oh," blurted out Barton. "Shit, sorry. I mean- you know what I mean." Loki looked around nervously, as if he could spot Stark around the corner. Of course, it was ridiculous, but still... "Sorry, man," mumbled the agent as he shifted awkwardly.

"W-what are we doing here?" Loki asked timidly, head still low.

"Uh, hiding, mostly. But I'm hoping to-" at his suddenly wide eyes, Loki followed the archer's gaze across the room.

Loki froze; then, Loki fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know! I'm so mean with these cliffhangers. But hey, I'm already halfway through the next chapter so hopefully it won't be too long until the next update. Still, with the holidays and all I'm not sure when exactly I'll find the time to update. Until then, I hope you guys liked this chapter!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to update this earlier this week but it turned out I hadn't finished the last part, lol. But anyway, here it is, I hope you guys like it. Thank you to all my readers and reviewers! XD Love you all.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit and fuck and what the fuck are_ they _doing here?!_

Tony watched Loki faint right in front of him.

"O-kay," was all Stark could manage at the sight of the god passing out.

Unfortunately for Loki, Barton -  _isn't he a spy, shouldn't his reflexes be better?_  - failed to catch him. His body hit the floor as both Avengers winced.

"What the hell, Bird Brain?" Stark all but yelled, too surprised to know what to do.

Barton quickly recovered. "What the hell to you first! How did you-" and suddenly, his body tensed up a fraction, as if he just saw an enemy appear before him. Stark looked behind him for a moment, then back-  _Oh wait... Me?_

"What's wrong, Angry Bird, you look like you've never seen a billionaire wandering the halls before."

 _Don't look at him, don't look at him._  It wasn't working, he couldn't help but glance at the unconscious god.

Clint was already bending down to check Loki. "Hey, Loki? You okay? Dammit."

"Uh," Stark started sheepishly, "he okay?"  _Shit, I can't deal with this right now!_

"Uh,  _no_ ," Barton hissed through his teeth as he stood up. "What the  _fuck_ are you doing here, Stark?! I barely even got him here as it is - he's not going anywhere if  _you're_  here." He flicked an annoyed arm in Tony's direction, dismissively shaking his head.

"Nice to see you, too; mind if I do something here while you keep not making sense?"  _Always with the sarcasm. Smooth, Stark._  Well, his brain sure thought so. Not always appropriate, though.

The archer shrugged as he bent down to check on the god again.

_Right. Now to integrate JARVIS..._

* * *

A rough shaking abruptly woke Loki, just as a strangled whimper escaped and he bolted upright.

"Woah, woah!" said a voice. "You're okay- just breath, okay, just breathe."

Suddenly coming back to himself, Loki's shoulders rode up as he hugged his knees, recognizing the form of Barton hovering beside him on one knee. Loki did as instructed, though, and  _breathed_. A deep inhale, slow exhale.  _And again, and again._

"Good, that's it," Barton instructed. "Just keep breathing, everything's fine."

But everything  _wasn't_  fine, was it? The image of...of  _Stark_  standing - Loki couldn't stop himself as he vomited to his left side, away from Barton.

"Oh, fuck," whispered the agent, although, to his credit, he quickly responded with, "that's fine, uh, you're...okay..." He sounded less certain now, but Loki appreciated his constant presence next to him; lingering but not touching. He didn't know if he could handle  _touching_  right now.

Suddenly, a new voice: "What the hell was that noise-"

 _Stark._ Stark had just walked around one of the square machines.  _Close._   _So close._

"...Oh. Uh." Stark.

Loki couldn't form thoughts.

"Loki?" Barton.

Hand on his shoulder.

Lights blinking on panels.

Square things and dark floors and  _Stark Stark Stark..._

Loki gasped and scrambled backward on hands and knees until he hit a wall. He couldn't stop the keening distressed noise from exiting his throat because  _Stark, Stark,_ Stark _is here- I can't- no, I...no no no nonononono..._ Someone was speaking to him but all Loki could do was try and hide further into himself, to hope that his prostration pleased Stark-  _please no no, please don't- I don't- can't- can't- can't-_

* * *

"Fuck- hell?!" Stark barely heard the squeaky words escape his own lips because he was too busy trying to remember to breathe.

Barton was kneeling next to Loki, trying to - do something... Tony honestly didn't know because  _what the fuck do you do with_ that _?_  He couldn't even imagine.

If Tony didn't know better, it looked like Loki was trying his damnedest to hide inside himself. And, despite everything in him telling him not to, when he walked a few steps closer to the two, he could swear he heard the weirdest sound,  _what the hell is that?_  It was like a high-pitched... He didn't know  _what_  the sound was, he had never heard anyone make that noise before - much less from a guy like Loki.

He remembered-  _of course_  Tony remembered what Natasha had told him, but he didn't  _want_  to believe it, couldn't. It was too outrageous, too insane, too... just  _too much._

Clearly, the god held a similar sentiment.

When Tony almost took another step closer - mostly out of curiosity - Barton held up a hand and all but yelled: "Fuck, Stark! Give 'im a little space, huh?"

Too freaked out to do anything else, he nodded and took a few steps back.

Still, this close up Tony could hear exactly what he quickly wished he  _couldn't_  hear. Loki whispering under his breath, repeating _,_ over and over and over,  _"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."_  and it made Tony cringe. The god trembled fiercely and yelped every time Barton tried to touch him. Helplessly, Clint glanced at Tony, not that he was exactly asking for  _Tony's_  help, and he was glad.  _Like I know what to do with this?_  He barely knew what to do with  _anything_  lately, not even what to do with himself.

Tony jumped when Loki vomited on the floor again, although he apparently wouldn't have lifted his head enough to keep it from splashing his face unless Barton had pulled him back a little.

Seeing the puddle a little ways away, Stark was struck with the knowledge that  _this guy just threw up because of me. Me. He- he vomited_ twice _because of_ me _._  The revelation felt like a stab to his heart and he stumbled a little backward and braced his hand against one of the servers.

"Oh...okay. Just...need a..." Tony half-mumbled as he tried to control his breathing. He kept his eyes trained on the floor as he concentrated on breathing.  _Just breathe, that's right, just breathe._  And suddenly he realized it was exactly what Barton was murmuring to Loki at the same time. "Okay. Damn," he said to himself as he slid slowly the floor.

"Fuck, Stark, I already got enough with  _him_  puking his guts out, don't you start, too."

Tony glared halfheartedly at the archer, who had barely any expression on his face. But there was something in Clint's face... _Panic? No._  That wasn't right; concern, maybe, worry over the two in the room who he felt helpless to help.

Clint moved Loki a little ways, just enough to stop him from wallowing in his own vomit-  _Aaand there it is._  Stark suddenly felt like vomiting, himself.  _Control yourself, you idiot._

_"Sir."_

_What the fuck? Oh right._  "JARVIS? You up?" Tony lurched to his feet unsteadily, Barton hissed an admonishment for making he and Loki jump.

_"Indeed, sir. The helicarrier's systems have been updated since last I was here; please give me a moment to adapt."_

"Right, sure. No hurry there, it's not like we have a ship full of insane agents running around or anything."

_"Thank you, sir."_

_Damned snarky AI. Did I really program him to-_

"JARVIS?" exclaimed Barton. "Really, Tony? Is that what you're doing here?"

Tony turned his head toward the archer. "Yep. Didn't think the helicarrier's systems would agree with me so I used JARVIS to negotiate with them. You know how diplomatic he can be."  _That's right, just keep talking_. No need to think on  _things_  going on around him.

Barton rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Are you...sure you're okay?" he asked, apparently worried.  _Or is he?_  There was something in those eyes that almost looked...wary.

"Uh, yeah. Fine. What about..."  _Reindeer Games._ "...Loki? He okay?"

The god hadn't moved very much - unless shaking like a leaf could be considered moving. Barton shrugged uncertainly, saying nothing.

Tony stared. "Right. Jarv?"

_"Integration complete. However, I must point out that your own modifications to my code may interfere in the future."_

"Wait, what?" Stark stammered. "What modifications?"

_"Mister Odinson is not permitted outside of the mansion. I'm afraid I will be forced to confine him to areas where you are present."_

"What the  _fuck_  does that mean?" Stark all but yelled to the ceiling, as if he could see JARVIS. He moved a few steps and started tapping on the panel against a wall as it lit up. "J, where the hell are ya," he mumbled.

 _"Here, sir,"_  intoned the AI smoothly as Tony found JARVIS' core programming code.

"This is too much to look through - just show me the most recent changes." Tony's eyes widened when he saw the unfamiliar changes to his AI's code. "What the fuck!" he screeched, not caring who heard. "This is hard-coded! Why would I-?"

He paused. Hand frozen in a half-point against the panel, Tony turned slowly toward the god still cowering against the floor.

Barton spoke up, quietly, "Guess you didn't want him getting out, huh?"

 _"Indeed,"_  interjected JARVIS.

"Shut  _up_ , JARVIS," Tony's voice wavered, barely a whisper. His throat suddenly felt like it was being closed in a vise. Voice barely a whisper, he asked, "Uh, J...how long would it take to remove the...modifications?"

_"They are extensive, sir. An hour, at least."_

Tony nodded, already expecting that answer.

"What does that mean?" asked Barton.

"It means," Tony cleared his throat, not really succeeding. "It means Rudol- uh, Loki, is going to have to, uh, stay wherever I am...I guess..."

"Of course," intoned the archer sardonically, "it's not like this whole thing isn't insane enough."

_Yeah. Understatement._

_"Sir?"_

"What, JARVIS?" Tony said tiredly.

_"I believe you have visitors coming from entrance D-7."_

"Shit," hissed Barton.

_Couldn't've said it better myself._

* * *

There was some sort of commotion going on around Loki but he didn't care to look. He backed up, away from the noise and the moving bodies and... _Stark_...

His back hit the wall as he remained curled on himself.

The voice of Barton floated toward him from some distance away. "Watch Loki!" he screamed.

Next came a voice Loki's mind couldn't process. "What're you kidding me?! Don't you need help-"

"Just  _watch him_!"

Loki's back finally found a corner as he rested his side against it, wishing he could find a smaller space to crawl into. He kept his head low even though he knew he should look up, should  _see_  what danger might approach. But he was too shaken and too frightened and  _too..._ just too much of everything all at once!

He sensed someone nearby, lurking.  _No, not lurking._ Just standing there. And if Loki could also sense body language he would have seen the way the man nervously looked about and toward him.

"Shit," he heard the man mumble. "You sure you don't need help!" he yelled away from their little alcove.

 _"Shut up, Stark!"_  yelled Barton in return.

Cries echoed through the room and the thuds of bodies hitting something made Loki flinch and curl up further.

"Uh, look," said the man nearby. "It's...gonna be fine. Sure. Uh, Barton's...good at this kind of thing..."

Loki sniffled and briefly looked up, suddenly lost and wondering where he was, and  _who_  was talking to him.  _No...I can't!_  He choked on a sob at the sight before him, then hid his face under his arms.

"No, no no no..." he mumbled frantically under his breath.  _No it's not real._

"Uh, yeah, I'm...not gonna do anything to you. Honest."

Loki shook his head fervently, shoulders shaking and teeth chattering. He felt cold with all the blood rushing out of his head.

"Please don't pass out again- Man, I can't handle this." A heavy sigh and shoes shifting.

Someone cried out from far off as Barton's voice yelled toward them once more.  _"Stark!"_

"Um. I'll be back in a sec."

Stark -  _Stark. No it can't be, can't be_  - ran off, out of sight around one of the machines that blocked Loki's view of the room. Suddenly alone, Loki looked up cautiously, certain Stark would round the corner any moment and do...  _Do what?_  What had Bruce Banner said about him? That he was...that he had been influenced by...by...

He shook his head, he couldn't remember! He drew in a deep breath and exhaled after a moment as his mind cleared.

 _The Tesseract._ That's what it was. But was it true? Could it be? Would it even matter? What did any of it mean? It was too much to think on. All he knew was that he couldn't be near Stark, he didn't -  _couldn't_  care about any of it right now; he only knew his fear and  _that_  was more real than anything else surrounding him.

A rush of wind and a body nearly hitting the wall near Loki made him jump back and hit his head.  _Stark!_

"Oh, sorry," said Stark. He had apparently run himself into the wall getting back to this point, his breath heavy and his manner frantic. "Uh, look, we have to-  _shit_ , fuck, I really can't handle this."

Loki didn't dare look up, draw any more attention to himself, even if he knew that was foolish; Stark obviously had his full attention on him. Loki whimpered and wondered what he should do. He didn't understand what _this_  was anymore, how he should act around Stark.

The mortal, apparently, held a similar sentiment.

"Look, you don't have to...do  _that_ ," said Stark. Loki didn't understand his meaning. And when Stark neared, the god couldn't help his noises of distress. Stark still continued, bending down slightly. "I...I don't really- uh. Just...we can't stay here." Loki suddenly noticed how quiet the room had become. "Barton's..."  _What about Barton?_ Loki wondered. "He's gone," Stark finished bluntly. Loki's head jerked up a moment, heart catching in his throat, although he looked back down just as quickly.  _He's left me!_  "Just...don't panic. He's not...he's just outside. I mean the door. There's way too many crazy blue-eyed agents on this level now; he had to go help out..." he trailed off.

Loki's chest felt suddenly constricted, not enough air and not enough space to move and  _nothing but Stark._  He heard a cry escape his lips that he couldn't stop.

"It's okay, it's okay!  _Not_  gonna do anything," said Stark, slightly panicked, but Loki didn't hear him.

* * *

 _I have no fucking idea what to fucking do here!_  Stark's mind raced as he tried to calm down the panicking god. Loki was making an odd keening noise and barely breathing-  _this can't be good._

"Hey, hey, hey," said Stark, wondering if he should get closer or get away. "Just...you gotta breathe." He grimaced at the sight, lost on what to do.  _Where the fuck is Thor?!_  Loki either wasn't listening or couldn't. He was wheezing now, straining for breath and clawing at the floor.  _And I thought I had problems..._

Muffled gunshots reverberated through the walls as Stark looked around, wondering what he should do. Should he wait for Clint here or should they go to a better room?  _Was_  there a better room? And how could he get Loki there if he couldn't even hear him? From what JARVIS had said, Loki would have to stay with Stark or...what? He wasn't sure  _what_  would happen; just how much control did the AI have on the helicarrier now? He suddenly wished he hadn't integrated JARVIS at all.

_Damn you, evil me._

But first, Loki. What to do with Loki.

Tony took a big breath and knelt, closer to the god than before. Loki immediately made more strange noises, scooting backward - if that were even possible anymore, he was practically living in the wall now.

"Please, please, please..." Loki repeated in nearly a whisper against the floor, refusing to look up.

Stark ran a hand through his own hair, trying to make a decision. Loki wasn't getting enough air and he definitely  _would_  pass out if he kept it up; or so Stark assumed. He didn't know much about the god's physiology. _Not important right now, idiot._  He pointedly ignored the collar and chain still attached around the god's neck.  _I still can't believe I don't remember the code._

"Uh, Loki. You really need to calm down."  _Need to calm down. Really?_  He didn't want to acknowledge it, or even  _think_  about it, but he knew what Loki had gone through - had gone through  _because of him._  It didn't matter to the trickster that  _Stark_  didn't remember any of it. So how was he to approach this? How  _could_  he, given what he knew about Loki's torture? He suddenly understood there probably wasn't any easy way, any _right_  way to do this, especially since they  _didn't have the time_. Whatever was going on wasn't going to stop for a therapy session.

Making a decision, Tony clenched his fists and leaned down further, whispering. "Loki..."

The god flinched but didn't respond.

"Hey, Loki?" Stark tried again.

A moment passed before he heard a quiet mumble of, "Please, no, please, please," the word repeating in a harsh whisper.

"We have to go now." Tony tried to sound convincing.

Loki shook his head frantically.

"I'm really, really sorry," said Stark, peeking around the servers to make sure no one was approaching, "but we have to go now. We can't stay here." He looked back at Loki.

"Thor will come for me," the god said, almost to himself. "He'll come, he'll come...he'll come for me."

Tony sighed. "I'm sure he would if he could, but we  _have to go_."

A crash right outside the door and screams of men and women echoed from right outside.  _Oh fuck, we really_ do _need to go._

"Can you get up for me?"

Loki seemed to be ignoring him so he put a hand on the god's back - which turned out to be a  _bad fucking idea_. Immediately, Loki screamed and reared up, cracking his head against the wall, then grabbed a fistful of hair in each hand and pulled, all the while making an ungodly half-growl, half-screeching noise that Stark couldn't put a name to.

"Uh-um, okay," Stark blurted out in a nervous voice, jerking back his hand and jumping back.

Loki continued hitting his body against the wall and pulling at his hair, eyes wide and nearly feral, tears pouring as his teeth were clenched tightly shut.

"Hey, hey, stop!" But Loki wasn't stopping. Worried and frantic and  _shit, I don't have time for this!_  Stark grabbed the first thing that flashed in his mind and suddenly the god stilled, the abrupt lack of noise filling the air with a heavy silence. Loki's body slumped with a small whimper, although he didn't go to the floor this time, he just sat, shaking and hunched over, as if waiting.

Blinking rapidly, Stark looked down, then realized what he had in his hand. As if the thing were on fire, he dropped it - the sound of the chain falling on the floor banging as loudly as gunshots next to his ear.

Looking up, Stark saw Loki's eyes turn slowly toward him, wet and fearful, but suddenly calm.

_Damn, what did I do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this...a cliffhanger? Sorry if it is! Fortunately, once again, I have most of the next chapter already written, let's hope it's not too long until I update again. ;)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, I just noticed, all of my chapters seem to be getting longer... Good for you guys, I guess! ;D Sorry if my chapters start getting shorter again, though.
> 
> Once again, thanks to everyone reading and commenting! Especially those of you who review since I don't always have time to respond.

Loki watched the chain fall and wondered why it was on the floor. His mind had suddenly snapped back from some dark corner he couldn't get free from when he felt a tug on his collar. And all at once he could focus, the sharpness of clarity greeting him with the sight of Stark holding his leash.

He looked at Stark, wondering what he wished Loki to do.  _What am I thinking? I don't have to do anything-_  A sharp jolt in his mind made him cringe back, memories of severe beatings and so much worse coming to mind, and...and...  _Dark, I can't take the dark, please don't put me in the dark-_

Loki rushed forward and crawled to Stark, prostrating himself and touching the side of his face against the man's knee on the floor. Stark cursed but Loki barely heard it, only listening to his instincts. If he pleased Stark and obeyed, maybe he wouldn't do anything to him? Surely he wouldn't punish him if he knew Loki hadn't escaped - he had been  _taken_  away, kidnapped, really.

 _What am I saying?_  said a voice.  _He doesn't care. He's not_ that _Stark._  But it didn't matter what the little voice said, Loki couldn't stop crying as he expected pain and punishment for what he  _knew_ he had done - he  _had_ run away from Stark, had gone to his brother, had sought out freedom and comfort, things he wasn't allowed to have.

"I..." said Stark, voice small.  _Why does his voice shake?_  "I really... I-I don't..." A trembling sigh and feather-light touches on Loki's head and back didn't give him enough of a picture of what Stark's intentions were. Was he angry? Surely. But how much would he punish him?

Loki felt the mortal shuffle, a nervous move that confused him. None of it made sense.

"Please just get up," said Stark, voice still shaking. "I don't need this...right now.  _We_  don't- I don't think you should be-" he took a breath. "We just need to get out of here."

Why was he so nervous? Loki could feel the way Stark's leg shook, if slightly. Suddenly, he stood up. Loki remained on the floor.

"We gotta go. I'm not gonna- You have to get up. Right now."

Loki's eyes moved up, searching for explanations in Stark's body language but finding none. Except, perhaps, that he was agitated for some reason.  _Not good. No, not good._  "Please don't," Loki whimpered. "I...I didn't mean to-"

"No, look," Stark said quickly, "I'm not mad at you." Loki couldn't believe it. Surely he would punish him- "I'm not going to do anything to you, hell, I'm not even going to  _yell_  at you, so can you  _please_  stand up right now?"

Trembling, but determined to extend Stark's forgiving mood, Loki stood up on unstable limbs, although he kept his head as low as possible and forced himself not to step back. Stark didn't always like it when he tried to hide away. But hadn't he been hiding a moment ago? Loki put it out of his mind; Stark, apparently, wasn't caring about that right now.

"W-what do you wish of me?" asked Loki timidly.

A sigh - a decidedly sad one at that. "Just...come on. There's a door at the other end, we can get out there."

_"As I said, sir. However, you may wish to hurry as the agents outside entrance D-7 will break through soon."_

At the voice of Stark's AI, Loki hunched down further. Seeing this, Stark scowled at the ceiling. "I'm not talking to you right now, JARVIS."

 _"Of course, sir,"_  replied the machine flippantly.

Stark next mumbled under his breath, "And here I went and somehow made HAL-fucking-9000 and I don't even remember it..."

_"I'm not certain a few altered algorithms and protocols means-"_

"Just  _shut up_ , JARVIS!" Stark yelled angrily, "I don't need snark from Skynet right now!"

Loki didn't know what to think as he followed after the mortal to the back of the large room.

X - X

_Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out._  Barton's words. Somehow, they were stuck in Loki's mind, like an anchor to the world of sanity that he feared was slowly slipping away the longer he remained with Stark. He briefly wondered what had happened to the archer, but quickly clamped down on the thoughts, somehow, even illogically, afraid Stark might know he was thinking of someone else. He nearly choked himself when he almost thought about Thor-

_Where are we going?_

"I don't even know," responded Stark.

Loki's eyes went wide. Perhaps he  _could_  read thoughts? That was ridiculous, the mortal had never been able to do that. He next realized he had just spoken aloud; he swallowed, nervous. Still, Stark didn't seem to mind him speaking out of turn, nor did he even seem to notice he himself had answered.

The exit to the room slid open, and although Stark was cautious, when he found no one in the new room, he headed into it with slow steps. Loki followed, equally slowly, looking about.

Although being in this environment with Stark was strange, Loki almost felt better, knowing what was expected of him. Since the mortal had apparently not cared about whatever Loki had done wrong up to this point - or so he hoped; would he punish him later? - he knew all he had to do was listen and Stark shouldn't punish him. The man was unlikely to force himself on Loki in this sort of situation, with so many people around - he, again,  _hoped_ \- so it should be easy enough to avoid punishment.

Loki vowed to listen and do whatever the mortal said;  _listen, do not drift, keep your mind focused._  He knew he had a tendency to lose himself sometimes but that simply wouldn't do in Stark's presence.  _Do as you're told, nothing bad will happen._  He repeated it, over and over in his head until he felt his breathing settle.

Stark looked about the new room, searching around scattered desks and equipment Loki didn't recognize.

"Do you have to keep doing that?" Stark blurted out loudly.

 _I've already done something wrong!_  Loki instinctively brought his hands up to his chest in protection, holding his breath and bowing his head.

"Oh right. Sorry. I mean...you really didn't-" Stark stepped a little closer, but when Loki whimpered he stepped back again. "I-I didn't mean to yell, you were...you were just standing kind of close. You don't have to hover over me."

 _Hover?_  Loki hadn't realized. He just wanted to be close in case Stark wanted something from him.

"Really," continued Stark, "not angry, not at all. Just...can you stand over there? Just for a sec." He pointed to the other side of the room and Loki immediately moved, glad Stark had said something clearly, giving him an easy order he could follow. "Uh...right," said the mortal, although Loki wasn't certain what to make of the man's flat words so he waited by the wall, ready to act if ordered.

Stark conversed with his AI for a moment, asking questions of it about agents and other things. Loki tried his best not to listen, thinking the mortal might not approve. Then they were on their way again.

* * *

Thor woke up in water. He coughed and choked until he swam to the surface, then realized, looking around, that he was in the ocean.  _What in Helheim..?_  The water was calm and the sky clear. And, hovering above, was the helicarrier. For whatever reason, the invisibility cloak it usually wore was not activated and Thor wondered why. All at once it came back to him.  _The Hulk!_  The base had been under attack. But it hadn't just been the Hulk, had it?

Calling to Mjolnir - although it took a moment given it was apparently under the ocean - Thor grabbed its handle and flew out of the water, toward the flying fortress.

What had happened? Was the Hulk still rampaging, killing those inside the carrier as Thor slept in the ocean?  _But what does it matter?_  Thor frowned at the sudden and odd thought as he landed on the deck.

Looking about, he saw several agents lying unconscious - or dead - near a door. When he ran toward them he was suddenly hit with something that jolted him but didn't hurt. Looking behind, he saw an agent firing a gun at him with frantic speed, then reload and try again when Thor began walking toward him.

"That will aid you naught," said Thor, pointing with his hammer. "Why do you attack me?" The agent fired a few more bullets and one hit his face, annoying the thunder god. He grit his teeth, knowing the agent did not have control of himself, but jumped toward the mortal and flicked him away -  _carefully_ \- knocking him unconscious.

 _By the Norns, what has happened to these people?_  Their blue eyes gave one explanation, but could it be true? Loki's scepter could only be wielded by a magic-user and there were none on this ship, save Loki. But Loki had been with Thor almost every waking moment since his arrival; he knew the younger god wasn't to blame, so who?

The helicarrier's bridge was largely abandoned, strangely enough. Computers remained active but unattended. Although some people were dead, most of them weren't, only unconscious. He wondered how many were fighting against them, under the influence of some foreign power, and how many had still been right of mind. Nick Fury was not here, nor was Maria Hill. Was that good or bad?

_"Why should you care about these mortals?"_

Shaking his head, Thor moved on.

* * *

It was really,  _really_  frustrating, that Loki was standing on the other side of the corridor, doing nothing, and Tony was here, trying to break down this door. It was locked, had to be, or was it barred from the other side? He didn't know, didn't care. It was either go through here, or go back. There were too many rooms to pass through and too many crazed agents they could run into if they went around.

Squaring his shoulders, Tony walked to the god, who immediately stood to attention, eyes downcast and body rigid.  _Man, I wish he would stop doing that._

He flicked a hand back, "Can you open this door?"

Loki's green eyes flitted to the door, then to Tony, then the floor. "If you wish it," said the god with the  _extremely_  uncharacteristic small voice that he had been using the entire time. It didn't sound right. Tony almost wanted to make the god angry or something so he would talk more normally.  _Yeah. Like he can talk normally around me after...after all_  that?

"Yeah," Tony said curtly. "If you will." He stood to the side, then in a sweeping gesture indicated the door. "Please."

Although the god frowned in confusion at the last word, he moved over to the door and, with a quick glance at Tony that screamed of waiting for approval, kicked down the metal door with a loud thud, then stepped back, hands nervously curled over his chest.

Tony groaned loudly and rolled his neck around. "Finally! Holy hell, maybe  _you_  should handle the doors from now on?" He walked to the door and peeked in, although he didn't move into the new room.

"A-As you wish," said the god, voice small. Tony wished those words sounded different. Maybe...with some sarcastic snark? He could imagine it:  _"As you wish, Stark,"_  with a raised brow and vainglorious smirk as the god looked down at him.  _That_  Loki he could deal with, not this...whatever this was.

Sighing, Stark moved into the room, finding only a long conference table and several knocked-over chairs. A blue holographic projection on the wall showed something that he didn't care to comprehend at the moment,  _some spy crap, probably_ , and a scattering of bullet casings on the floor were all that caught his attention.  _Fired from an M4, no doubt,_ Stark noted absently.

Suddenly, the door across the room burst open, and, before he could even think to think, Loki grabbed him and turned them around, shielding Stark from an onslaught of bullets that sprayed across the room. He heard Loki hiss behind him with each hit.  _What the fuck is happening?!_

Then, the agent cursed, and from the sound Tony guessed he had run out of ammo. No time to waste! Without a second's thought Tony jumped and slid across the table -  _oh, how very action movie-y_  - then punched the agent out before he had a chance to even look up.  _Ow, my hand_.  _And_ damn _are these agents slow when they're evil! Or whatever's happening with them._

Stark stared at the agent, then, remembering what had just happened... He whipped around, finding Loki standing awkwardly by the door, looking down and biting his lip. But just as Tony began moving around the table toward him, with words of  _what the hell was that?_  ready to jump out, an agent rushed into the room from behind Loki, gun cracking the side of the god's head, which appeared to have little effect on him other than turning his head. To Tony's surprise, Loki did nothing. And when the agent began beating Loki across the head savagely, causing him to stumble and cower, Loki  _still_ did nothing.

"What the hell, Loki, fight back!" Tony yelled, but that was apparently a bad idea because Loki pushed the man, with very little effort, who then went flying across the room, the distinctive _crack_  of the agent's bone ringing in Tony's ears.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, with suddenly frantic breathing, Loki bent over himself, nearly falling to the floor. "No, no, no, please, I didn't mean to, please I didn't mean it..." He scurried backward and hit the wall when Tony approached.

"Shit, Loki..." was all Tony could say, because he had just  _killed_  the guy without even trying, the agent's obviously broken neck evidence enough. "And  _thanks for the warning,_ _JARVIS!_ " He yelled, looking up. He ignored the AI's claims of still having problems integrating with the helicarrier. He wasn't in the mood.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," Loki repeated over and over.

Tony sighed and grimaced at the dead agent's body. "Uh, it's...okay. I mean, it's not okay that he's dead, but-" And now Loki was back on the floor, practically melting into it.  _Fuck that, not again. No, no, no more of that._  Tony knelt next to the crying god and wondered if he should pat his back or what. "Seriously. I, uh, I told you to fight back, and...you did. So...good...job?" Loki's teary eyes looked up at him. "Who am I kidding - you really need to be careful, these guys aren't in control of themselves." And here's more grovelling.

"Please don't hurt me..." Loki choked on a sob.

"I'm  _not_  going to do anything, how many times do I have to say it?" He lifted Loki's chin with a finger, wondering if even that small touch was a bad idea. Wet, distraught eyes greeted him. "It's not your fault; just an accident. I'm not gonna..." He let go of Loki and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.  _I don't know how to-_

And a sudden thought occurred to him. Because  _w_ _hat the fuck..?_  Why hadn't he thought of it before? "Loki?" The god flinched but looked up again, sniffling. "Why didn't you just kill me?" A bemused frown formed on the god's face. No answer. "I just...thought about it." Stark's eyes didn't move from the other's frame. "You could have just killed me; why didn't you?" Again, nothing. Comprehension of such a subject apparently required more explanation. "When I, uh...had you in my house? You had the collar, sure, but you're...still wearing it, and you're still super strong - why didn't you just kill me?" Loki looked down, he couldn't tell if he understood. "I mean, even I can safely say I fucking deserved it," Stark chuckled mirthlessly. "And just now," he pointed aimlessly, "you saved my life. What gives?"  _What the hell am I saying?_   _Did I really just tell him he should have killed me?_

Finally, Loki fidgeted, as if ready to speak, although several more tense moments passed first. "I..." he swallowed hard. "I...don't know."

Stark stared.  _'I don't know.'_  Nice answer. I don't know. _I don't fucking know, either!_

"You," continued Loki, voice trembling and small, "were my... I-I c-couldn't have..." He looked down at the floor, as if ready to shrink into it again. "Why do you ask me such things?" he whispered to the floor. "I...I have done everything you have always asked; is it not enough?"

Tony was having a hard time following this line of thought. "I'm, uh, I'm not asking- er, ordering you to tell me or anything, I was just curious. You could have just killed me and...you didn't."

Loki covered his head with both hands, then started rocking himself back and forth. "I don't understand what you're saying, what you are asking me. I don't understand.  _I don't understand._ " He made a noise of distress, with short breaths going in and out as he hugged himself.

Stark frowned, understanding all at once flooding through him.  _No you don't understand, do you?_  Because Tony had never asked him something so complicated before, when...when he had him...when he was his prisoner. Tony didn't remember,  _no I don't, I don't remember_ , but he could understand, somehow. Loki expected to be given orders and pain -  _orders and pain_  - that was all. Nothing more, nothing less. As strange as it was, it was one thing above all else:  _simple_. Do this, don't do that,  _listen_ , and you won't get hurt.

Fuck. He had well and truly broken a god.

 _But we really don't have time for all this deep shit, do we?_  Because boot-steps were echoing through the door and they had to move.  _God, I can't believe this is my life now._

* * *

Why would Stark ask him such things? Loki didn't understand - couldn't  _bring_  himself to even try. Those were the thoughts of those who misbehaved, those who were punished for their rebellious thoughts. Those who were...put in the dark.  _Alone._  He couldn't be alone again. Where Thor would never-  _No no no!_  Stark was here and now, and  _only_  Stark; there was no one else,  _nothing_  else, not even Loki. He would either do as Stark commanded or be alone forever. Given the choice, he would choose Stark every time. But he didn't have a choice, did he? He never did. If Stark wanted him in the dark, Loki would be there. It didn't matter what Loki wanted.

The death of the mortal agent obviously displeased Stark. Loki hadn't meant to kill him, he had simply forgotten how fragile mortals could be. He suddenly wished - even as his own horror ripped through him at the thought - Stark would hold his leash. At least then he would know where he was supposed to be; where to stand, what to do, what  _not_  to do. He wouldn't be able to make a mistake, wouldn't be able to displease Stark if he was more controlled.

Loki let go of his head and looked up. At the sight of Loki's tear-stained face, Stark's face contorted in... Was that sympathy or misery? Loki couldn't tell. Perhaps both?

Stark remained crouched next to him. "Dammit. I, uh, I'm...being selfish, aren't I? Real jackass..." Loki frowned.  _What does he mean?_  "Should we, I dunno." He sighed, frustrated. "Is there...anything you need? You want me to, uh... I'm so bad at this. Do  _you_  have any ideas or...something?" The man's stuttering was strange and Loki stared, wondering what to say.  _He wants to know what I-?_ He blurted out the first thought that jumped into his throat.

"W-Will you hold my leash?"

Stark's eyes went wide as his brow furrowed fiercely. "Uh..."

Loki bent his head low, feeling stupid.  _What did I just say?_

"Um..." mumbled the mortal, still staring.

 _Stupid. What is the matter with me?_  Loki ignored the large part of him that wished Stark would say yes. The smaller part, the part that remembered this was a different Stark, rushed to the forefront of his mind.

"You...what?"

"I'm sorry," whispered Loki, face downcast. "You don't- I'm sorry," he repeated.

After a long moment, Stark asked, "Why would you ask me that?"

Loki's inhale shook. "I-I-I don't know. Please, I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm saying."

Again, a pause. "I think you do," mumbled Tony. He hissed in frustration. "I mean...  _dammit_ , just answer me, huh?"

The god nodded furiously, although he wasn't certain what to say. How could he tell Stark it was  _he_  who wanted it,  _Loki_ , that he wanted to be told what to do so he wouldn't be so lost, so he wouldn't accidentally displease Stark? That this new place made him nervous, that he needed someone to direct him, keep him in line so he wouldn't do wrong?

"I...I don't know what to do," muttered Loki, finally. "I-I need you to tell me..." he trailed off, his words stopping, his thoughts suddenly getting tangled, jumbled in the chaos of his pained mind.  _Confused_ would be too light a word for the mischief god right now.

Glancing up, he saw Stark staring at him, face utterly devoid of any emotion Loki could identify. It frightened him, reminding him of the Stark he knew so well, the Stark that  _would_  hurt him, and sometimes for no other reason than his own perverse amusement.

So Loki whimpered and did nothing, waited to see  _which_  Stark was truly in front of him.

There was a heavy silence, then, the mortal spoke. "I really don't know what to say." And after another moment, he scoffed, then sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stark and Loki...quite a pair, huh? They got issues. Lol. Thoughts, comments, anything?
> 
> On a different note: if any of you guys are reading _The Unopened Door_ , sorry about not updating in a while. I've actually written the next chapter already, I just have to proofread and edit it. Hopefully I'll update within the week.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your reviews and comments! Love you guys. ;3

The painful thing was, Tony  _knew_  what Loki was saying. He understood, somehow so quickly, just why the god had wanted such a thing, such a  _ridiculous_  thing, but for all of Tony's incredulity and distaste at doing such a thing, he couldn't bring himself to be snide with the poor god. Hold his leash? Was he serious? Sadly, yes. And for no other reason than what  _so many_  people struggled with...

Loki wanted direction.

He thought Tony could provide.

 _Well,_  thought Tony,  _I can't help you, buddy, because even I don't fucking know what I'm doing!_

There was fear there, for Loki, fear from the beginning - of  _Tony_ , no less, but the god also feared himself, that he would do something wrong.

 _Look at me, getting inside someone else's head and_ understanding _them; Pepper would be proud._

Three rooms later and Tony still hadn't said anything further to Loki. He  _wasn't_  going to hold his leash -  _his fucking leash! Still can't believe it_ \- because he was pretty sure Loki would probably pass out and he couldn't even  _imagine_  what Thor would do to him if he found him doing that, and Tony himself... Well, he didn't need  _things_  jumping into his head right now-

 _"I kept them out..."_  said Loki's distinct but distant voice,  _"You'll be happy."_

Tony shook his head and suppressed a shiver, determined to ignore every memory that popped up as they walked swiftly from room to room. Honestly, he wasn't even sure where the hell he was going anymore, he just  _had_  to move, he couldn't stop now,  _not now_. They had to get away.

A door barred their way. A  _very_  secure looking metal door at the end of a short corridor. Licking his lips, Tony examined the access panel next to it. "JARVIS? This door is sealed electronically, can you open it?"

_"I'm afraid not, sir. There seems to be a malfunction."_

"Shit." He looked back at Loki, whose gaze remained, as ever, down. He doubted even the god's strength could open this door.

JARVIS' voice broke though, suddenly.  _"May I ask what your destination is?"_

Tony blinked. "Uh..." He didn't have an answer. There was a door here and he wanted through it.

_"This door leads to the science labs; is that your destination, sir?"_

Again, Tony didn't have an answer. He breathed in and out, louder than he knew he should, but he didn't really understand what he was doing. He looked back at Loki. "I don't suppose  _you_  can figure a way through this door?"

The god cocked his head to the side, thinking. He glanced at the door, scrutinized it for a moment, then narrowed his eyes and scooted toward it. His fingers ran along the seam that ran down the center as he whispered, "Here."

Tony leaned down and squinted. "Uh. What? You think you can open it with just that crack?" The door was, indeed, just slightly ajar, if only by a hair.

Grabbing a long piece of metal that was narrow at its end, Loki hurried back to the door and jammed it in, as if he were in some kind of hurry.

"Woah," said Tony, "slow down there. The world's not gonna end if-" But the door  _was_  moving, groaning under the strain of Loki's efforts. Somehow, the god's obvious  _eagerness_  unnerved Tony. It was suddenly so clear why, though; Loki had something to do, had an  _order_  to follow.  _Shit. Not what I meant._ So again, Tony tried to get him to let up as he stepped closer. "That's, uh...that's good, but-"

Suddenly, the door burst open and Loki...

_God in heaven, what the fuck is this?!_

* * *

The second the door slid open Loki couldn't catch himself. Couldn't catch himself because he had been leaning forward -  _Stark wants this door open Stark wants this door open_ \- and there was simply _nothing there_. There was darkness, and emptiness, and a sharp  _fall_  that made Loki cry out as his body lurched forward into the terrible maw that waited.

Stark cried out, too. His voice frantic, hissing and desperate and confused from somewhere above.

But Loki wasn't falling. He felt himself choking, though, as if there was no air in this abyss, this void,  _no I can't it's so dark too dark, I don't want to be here- where's Thor?!_  But the lack of air wasn't because there  _wasn't_  air, but because Loki was choking on his metal collar, pulled taut by the weight of his dangling body.

 _What's happening? I don't understand. Where's brother?_  The dark was all around him, seeping in.  _Bleeding_  as it always did when Loki tried to open his eyes and saw nothing but the endless gaping hole of the emptiness of-

"Just hang on!" someone's strained voice broke through his falling thoughts. "I got you, I got you!"

_Stark?_

The mortal grunted and strained to breathe just as Loki did, although Loki couldn't even manage to cough, his throat so constricted. He flailed about, suddenly realizing he  _wasn't_  in some abyss,  _no, nothing like it, I'm not there anymore,_ never _there again..._  But he couldn't control his sudden need to  _get away_ , to find some way out.

"Pl-" he tried, but he only choked more. His eyes swelled with tears as he tried to kick his feet, to find something to stand on,  _anything!_  But there was nothing.

The mortal cursed continuously but Loki barely heard him.

There were noises in his ears, a pounding in his head.

_"There you are...do you like my game?"_

Loki tried to jerk away from the voice suddenly near his ear but couldn't move in the dark, his silent tears the only thing real except for the  _boom, boom, boom_  that echoed all around.

_No please..._

He scratched at his throat, trying to get free but also trying to  _feel_  something other than the oppressive  _nothingness_  surrounding him.

There was something he should do, something a strained voice above him was telling him to do but he couldn't bring himself back, couldn't sense his own body anymore.

_Lost here forever...forever. Will it ever end?_

Then a tug.

_No, I can't._

And a tug. Moving upward.

Brightness flashed overhead.

Coldness was seeping in through his clothes, up his limbs.

Another tug.

_"...You'll never get away..."_

_Boom, boom, boom._

_"Let us try a new game."_

Then the light above engulfed him.

* * *

Thor's hammer finally crashed through the debris blocking the doorway as he burst through, suddenly convinced his brother was on the other side. Because  _of course_  Loki would be there, although he wasn't sure why.

Then he saw it, what haunted his nightmares and burned,  _ripped_  through his mind like a wildfire stayed put by the begging eyes of his little brother-

Tony Stark was  _holding his brother's leash._  Tony Stark was  _touching_   _him_.

And although he should have seen, should have seen the way Stark panted and lay on the ground, apparently having over-exerted himself, and the way his brother lay beside him, next to the open doorway that led to a room that had fallen through thanks to the Hulk and Thor's earlier fight, because it was all-too obvious what had  _truly_  happened - but Thor didn't see.

All he saw was  _red._

"How  _dare you!_ " Thor screamed as he grabbed for the mortal and hoisted him up by his neck, lifting him off his feet.

Loki coughed and choked and  _cried_  as he half-lay on the ground, his neck red and bleeding, and Thor could see nothing but that-  _hear_  nothing but his little brother in distress and he couldn't control himself any longer.

_My vow, my vow..._

He swore to protect Loki, and he failed...

But he had another vow, didn't he? Had he not promised he wouldn't hurt-

_"He hurt him...he hurt him...Don't you want to hurt him, too?"_

Thor shook his head and tightened his grip on the mortal as his face turned colors.

Then, suddenly, a choked voice broke through, even with its frailty, "Thor- stop!"

_I can't, I can't. I swore it and he's hurt you-_

"Brother," several coughs, "you'll kill him. He was- he was helping me..."

Thor tore his face away, to look at the green orbs of his brother, so wide and  _pleading_ that Thor, all at once, let go.

* * *

The moment Stark's feet hit the floor Loki didn't know what to do. His instincts told him to check on the mortal, to make certain he was well because that's what Stark would  _want_  him to do - but the other part of him wanted nothing more than to jump into Thor's arms, leave all of this behind because _brother's here, here, here, not going anywhere no more no more, no more_ darkness  _to fill me up to scratch me eat me._

He curled in on himself.  _But Stark saved me, took me from the darkness- such darkness._  Did he truly care for Loki? Or did he save him for his own ends, so that he could one day claim him again,  _use_  him as he had so many times before?

 _No no no no... not_ that  _Stark anymore, not anymore._

"...Brother?" The word, spoken with  _that voice_ , broke through Loki's mind as he suddenly realized he was staring at the other, bright blue eyes staring back, so intensely Loki shuddered at the sight.

_Brother. Brother, yes._

A groan and a mumble escaped Stark as he stumbled to his feet, off-balance as if with too much drink - a humorously familiar sight, if still unnerving to Loki.

"Step away from him," growled Thor, stepping toward the mortal with his hammer clutched tightly in warning.

Tony frowned and coughed several times, then attempted to speak, although his voice was rough. "What the...what the  _fuck_ , Thor?" He coughed several more times. "You- you tryin' to kill me?"

"If needs be..." he stepped forward again, eyes burning and dangerous.

On instinct, Loki was suddenly in his path. "Brother-"

"Loki,  _move_."

Loki blinked rapidly then moved to step away, but when Thor, once again, moved toward Stark, he couldn't help but block his way again.

Thor frowned, hissing in annoyance. "I will not tell you  _again_ -"

"Brother, please," began Loki, moving forward and laying his head on his brother's shoulder. "I...I want to..."  _What? What do I want?_  "Please...stop. I just want to go home." But where was home? He didn't have an answer, but that didn't make the need any less true at the moment.

Still, Thor seemed determined, his hammer aloft and pointed at Tony, who stepped back, hands up in nervous surrender. "Look, uh, Thor, I just wanna say-"

" _Be silent!_ " roared Thor as he moved as if to strike the mortal.

Without thinking, Loki jumped in front of Tony.  _What am I doing?_

"Must I tell you to move  _again_ , brother?" said Thor, incensed.

"W-why are you doing this?" stuttered Loki, although he didn't understand his own words. He just wanted to go home with Thor; why was he provoking him? Protecting Stark? "He- he's your friend, is he not? Why are you so angry with him?"

 _Because he hurt you_ , was what Loki was expecting but the thunderer's next words caught him off-guard. "You would prefer  _him_  to _me_ , your own brother?"

Loki blinked, eyes wide.  _What..?_  Ludicrous. Thor should know better.

* * *

 _This is insane_ , thought Tony. Insane,  _insane_ , but he didn't say it aloud. When an angry - which was an understatement - thunder god was flashing his giant hammer in your face -  _that_ so _doesn't sound right_  - it was probably best to stay quiet and let the  _other_  god - who you  _may have_  hurt in unspeakable ways - talk said thunder god out of caving in your skull.

Yep.  _Insane._  But what was he to do?

And then...it got worse.

"You would prefer  _him_  to _me_ , your own brother?"

_What the fuck?_

Insane really wasn't quite covering it now.

Loki shifted, obviously taken aback as much as Tony. "N-no, brother. I would never-"

"Then step away from him," said Thor in a low voice that made Tony shiver.

"But...are you...going to harm him?"

"Why would you care, after what he did to you?"

And really, even if Tony didn't really want to-  _shouldn't_  want to for the sake of his own safety, he was wondering the same thing.

Loki, voice shaky, answered, "Because he...because..." He looked down, then back up. "It was not him." The trickster god glanced back at Tony. "I still... I cannot  _stop_  fearing him, but," his eyes looked around, searching for answers, "but  _I know_  it was not him, even if I cannot bring myself to fully embrace that thought-"

"Then  _you do_  care for him more than I," stated the older god, still seething.

"What-?" Loki blurted out, shoulders beginning to shake.  _More like: what the fuck?_  thought Tony.

"You care for this  _mortal_  more than your own brother?" continued Thor, anger barely ebbing. "I should have known," his eyes narrowed dangerously, teeth bared. "You always were a little  _whore_."

At that Loki made a noise of distress that made Tony's heart clench as the god pitched forward and grabbed desperately at Thor's chest with both hands, face hiding against the elder. "No no no no," he sobbed, suddenly, "I'm sorry- I'm sorry, please, brother, I'm so sorry-"

Tony, needless to say, couldn't hold it in anymore. " _What the fuck, man?!_ " he burst out. "What the hell is  _wrong with you?_  Did the Hulk fuck up your brain or something because you  _did not_  just call your brother that."

Thor glared at him but said nothing as Loki continued to mumble against his chest,  _"I love you, I love you, I love you,"_ as if the end of the worlds would come and those words alone could hold the inevitable at bay. One of the thunder god's hands went to the nape of Loki's bowed neck, avoiding the collar, as the other hand, in a knuckle-white grip, held tightly to his hammer's haft.

"It is alright, brother," said the blonde god, suddenly calm, his hand never leaving the back of his brother's neck. "I am here."

The way he said that, for some reason, sent a shiver up Tony's spine. He stared, agape, uncertain what to do or say. Because just  _what the hell_  was happening here? Had Thor always been that cruel to his brother? In Tony's mind, despite Loki being their enemy for so long, Thor had always been as protective of Loki as any older brother, even as he chastised his acts of mischief. The thought that  _that_  guy, who still defended his villainous brother, even after everything, could be so cruel...

Was this real?

"I didn't mean it," whispered Loki with a trembling voice. "Please, I didn't-"

"Hush," said Thor as the younger settled against his chest. "Be silent, now." Loki nodded and sniffled. Thor petted his raven hair and despite the gesture, in any other circumstance, perhaps seeming affectionate, it just screamed of  _possessiveness_  to Tony right now. And the way he glared at Tony while doing it? Just... _creepy._

"Look, Thor," began Tony, "maybe...maybe we should all just, uh, settle down before, um..."  _Before what, exactly?_  For now, this area was safe since the way they came in was blocked by JARVIS and every other path was blocked by debris - except the way Thor had come through, of course. But how safe was that direction when the thunder god had all but crashed through the door to get here?

Thor gave him a look that said,  _Shut up_ , in big bold letters, but... Well. Whoever said Tony was cautious?

"I'm sure the rest of the 'carrier could use your help with, uh, all the fucking insanity that's-"

A sharp blow sent Tony flying across the room and into a wall. He grunted at the impact and slid to the floor, wind knocked out of him and...hopefully not  _more_.  _That's gonna hurt in the morning..._

"Thor!" exclaimed Loki.

Even through the darkness seeping in at the edges of his vision, Tony saw Thor give Loki a  _look_  and then the trickster's subsequent cowering and repeated apologies as he curled against his brother once again, as if starved for his affection.

_Damn that thunder god...goin' all creepy-ass on me._

Thor moved Loki - still with a hand on the other's neck - to a barred door down another short hallway perpendicular to this one.  _Not gonna do._ That led to nowhere. That led to a long drop, then  _outside_. Nice, open air.

The sudden voice of JARVIS filtered through his failing thoughts.  _"I cannot permit the prisoner out of Mister Stark's presence. Please remain here. I will not open-"_

But the AI was cut off when Thor, without even a glance back at Tony, crashed through the metal door and dragged his brother along with him, disappearing out of sight.

_Ah, fuck. Forgot about the d-damned ham-hammer..._

Sleep suddenly never looked so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, some of you guessed there was something strange going on with Thor...
> 
> Very sorry to anyone who was waiting for _The Unopened Door_ to be updated. I realized, belatedly, that I'm missing a huge chunk of something I was supposed to put in the next chapter so I haven't quite finished it yet. Kind of hectic around here, lately, not sure when I'll be able to update.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, so sorry for the long wait! I honestly didn't realize how long it's been since I last updated, it feels almost like yesterday. Lol. I hope this slightly longer chapter than usual can make up for that. :)
> 
> As always, thanks to all my readers and reviewers! You guys are made of awesome and fluffy goodness.

_Thor loves me._

_Thor loves me._

_Thor loves me, he knows I didn't mean it. Stark is nothing to me, he's nothing._

Loki kept his arms around Thor's neck as they flew, stinging wind whipping his face and body as lightning and thunder raged all around. While Loki did enjoy listening to storms from  _inside_  a building, he didn't exactly like being  _out_  in it. Especially not while flying. And  _especially_  not when Thor was angry, and  _at him_.

 _Thor didn't mean it, just as I didn't mean it._  His elder brother's words had struck him more viciously than his lightning ever had, that Thor thought Loki didn't  _care for him_ , that he somehow preferred that mortal. It didn't make sense; Loki loved Thor more than anything in the Nine Realms, even beyond, so how could he think such a thing?

He knew why,  _of course_  he knew why. Because Loki was pathetic and weak, too easily swayed like the coward he was. He would latch onto the first person that came his way, betraying the one that truly mattered -  _Thor_ , his brother, his protector; how could Loki betray him so? And it didn't matter that Loki didn't truly understand just  _what_  he had done to betray Thor, it was obvious that he had and that he deserved punishment for it. But Thor was merciful, wasn't he? He wouldn't hurt him...

Loki buried his face against Thor's neck, suddenly feeling overwhelmed at his own inadequacy. Because Thor  _was_  merciful, so kind and forgiving and Loki  _didn't deserve_  that kindness, didn't deserve  _Thor_.

He would make it up to him, make up for whatever wrong he did. He would keep Thor's good graces any way he could, be a good little brother every way he was able. He would  _earn_  Thor's love and devotion because what else was he to do when he was so useless and unworthy? Clearly Loki lacked something, lacked something vital that meant he deserved Thor's love.

The trickster would earn the thunderer's love and they would be a family again.  _Yes, again. Forever and always. Never again lost..._

Determination rekindled, Loki almost didn't notice that they had arrived.

X - X

Although it seemed an odd place to settle, Loki didn't question his elder brother. If Thor thought this place could be home, then it would be.

A long system of caves spread out from the edge of the ocean, the violent surf crashing far below the mouth of the entrance. The thunderstorm hadn't let up and Loki was uncertain if he could soothe his brother's ill mood with words, or if it would be better to wait it out - so much like a storm his brother's temperament always was.

Shivering, Loki walked alongside the other, led along with that ever-present warm hand on the back of his neck. Experimenting, Loki snuggled closer in an attempt to assess Thor's disposition. Unfortunately, Thor did very little; he didn't push Loki away, but neither did he pull him closer.

The third cave in was small, or perhaps cozy, and sporadically stacked with random wooden boxes, as if left by others some time ago. Most were broken, but of the few that weren't Thor made a point of moving them and arranging them in a seating pattern, then maneuvered Loki to sit on one.

"Sit," his voice rumbled. Loki didn't resist as he was guided to the makeshift chair.

To his surprise, Loki noted that the cave, despite being quite far into the system of caverns, was slightly illuminated by a soft glow.  _Where is it coming from?_  He looked around, confused, although gladdened it wasn't very dark.

Thor chuckled darkly. "Looking for this?"

To Loki's horror, from behind his back Thor produced none other than what haunted Loki's nightmares of late, the focus of his terrors when his eyelids could no longer remain open: the Tesseract.

"B-Brother..." Loki's breath came in gasps.  _Breathe, just breathe._  He swallowed and whimpered, suddenly unable to be so close to the glowing cube as he tumbled off the back of his seat, hands braced on sand. "Thor, please..."

"Please,  _what_ , brother?" said Thor in a half-mocking tone. "This trinket," he held up the blue cube in its glass and metal container, "should not be in the hands of mere _mortals_. They are  _unworthy of it_ ," he all but seethed through his teeth. " _I_  will keep it and  _I_ will guard it, perhaps..." he glanced sidelong at Loki, "... _wield_  it."

Loki swallowed again but, to his relief, Thor set the device down on the far end of the room and approached the trickster.

"All will be well," said the thunder god as he knelt next to him. He put out both arms, as if waiting. Immediately, Loki jumped into the elder's waiting arms, leaning the side of his head against the broad chest, hungry for the comfort he had been deprived of for what seemed like an eternity. "Shh," said his older brother. "I am here. Nothing will harm you as long as I am here. You are  _mine_ , Loki,  _I_ will not let harm come to you. All is well."

And even with those words, with the soothing gesture of Thor's hands carding through his hair and down his back, with the knowledge that Brother was here and  _nothing_  could separate them, Loki couldn't bring himself, even for all this, to shut out the ominous glow at the edge of his vision. Blue and unfettered and  _real_ , even shutting his eyes and thinking of  _Thor_  and only Thor couldn't keep out the horrors now, scratching and clawing their way back into his raw and exposed mind.

But Thor was here. Nothing could go wrong.  _Nothing._   _Nothing. Nothing..._

_Nothing can go wrong._

* * *

"Ow, ow! What are you doing, trying to kill me?"

The medic rolled her eyes at Stark as she finished patching up his head. He was bruised and scratched up but not as badly hurt as he feared. "There," she said, "all done." Without waiting for a response, she gathered her supplies and hurried out of the helicarrier's bridge to aid the other medics and doctors scattered throughout the ship.

Steve walked up to the billionaire. "You okay, Tony?"

" _Okay_?" Tony looked at him. "No, I'm not  _okay_. Did you see what Thor almost did to me-" He stopped.  _Dammit._  All of a sudden even  _he_  couldn't bring himself to care very much about his own well-being because Thor was  _out there_ , with  _Loki_ , with the  _Tesseract_ , and...evil. It was the only explanation, wasn't it?

"...Stark." Fury's voice broke through and Tony jumped a little in his seat, causing him to hiss in pain.

"Dammit, Nick, a little less booming and a little more quiet like a one-eyed church mouse, huh?"

"Church mouse..?" said Bruce, as if to himself.

"Tony, what  _happened_ ," interjected Steve as he picked up one of the conference chairs around the large table and sat down. The soldier himself nursed a sprained wrist but voiced not a single complaint. _Typical._

Everyone fell silent as Stark stared out across the helicarrier's bustling bridge, suddenly so glad that it hadn't been worse. Some people had died, yes, but not as many as it could have been. The Hulk, fortunately, had been occupied with fighting Thor and most everyone knew to get out of their way. Still... He knew it was foolish, but for some reason, Tony felt responsible.

"Tony?" said Steve again, voice softer, leaning in.

Tony stared at the table. "It got fucked up," he said, voice breaking, however minutely. He continued to stare, determined not to look at the others as they remained standing. "Thor is...Thor isn't right anymore..."

"You mean he's like them-" Clint grimaced. "I mean, like how they  _were_. Insane?"

"Clint," Natasha scolded lightly, although the words were still soft. "It wasn't their fault," she added, then looked at Bruce and Tony. "Right? That's what was causing all of this, the Tesseract?"

Bruce nodded and shifted on his feet. "We think so. I mean, we all sort of agreed that that's what it was, what with the eyes and... Yeah. Yeah, that's what caused it."

Suddenly frustrated, Tony ran an angry hand roughly through his hair, then leaned forward and hit his forehead to the table with a thud. "I should've stopped him," he nearly whined. He jerked back up. "I should have  _fucking stopped him_ -"

"Don't even try that," Steve interrupted. "This is  _Thor_  we're talking about. Anyone but the Hulk wouldn't have been able to-"

"That doesn't make it any less my fault!" Tony found himself on his feet, glaring down at the soldier, whose eyes were intense but filled with a deep worry.  _Shit,_  thought Tony,  _I really am his friend. When did that happen?_  He walked a few steps away, turning his back on them. He didn't know what to say, what to  _do_. Fortunately, as always, Steve set them back on the right path, back toward the relevant questions.

"Director, your people still haven't been able to track the Tesseract?"

"Not yet, Cap," responded Fury. "Seems like the tried and true methods aren't working anymore; any idea why?"

Tony didn't want to answer. He didn't want to turn around. He was replaying the events of the day over and over in his mind: the attack by the helicarrier's own residents, his encounter with a frightened Loki, but, most of all, the events leading up to Thor going absolutely  _insane_  and saying things reserved for Asshole of the Year and crashing out the side of the helicarrier. And yet... yet there was something else...

"...trying to find a way, but so far, no luck." He caught the tail-end of Bruce's explanation but Tony waved him away as he rushed back to the table, hands flat on the cold surface, eyes wide and  _knowing_ , suddenly.

"What's wrong?" asked Cap.

"Nothing. I mean, I don't think it's exactly the same for Thor." Tony felt the words rush out, quickly and without thinking.

"What do you mea-"

"I mean we're all worried about him, right? Loki. Thor, too, of course, he's our friend and everything, but it's  _Loki_  who could be in a world of hurt right now-"

"Stark," said Fury in a flat tone. "Get to the point."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just mean..."  _What do I mean?_ He didn't even know what he was saying. "He's not like me," he finally blurted out.

"Who, Thor?" asked Clint.

"No- yeah." Tony grabbed his hair for a moment, frustrated, then let go and waved about wildly. "I don't know what the hell I'm saying! I'm  _just_  saying that I think Thor is different from me..."

"We kinda already knew that," said Clint.

"Not really needing the sarcasm right now," returned Tony, rubbing his forehead.

Steve, who was now standing as well, took a step toward him. "You mean he's  _not_  going to hurt Loki...?" The implication that Tony  _would_  hurt him - even possessed by an outside force - struck like needles but it was, unfortunately, true. Denying it wouldn't help now.

"No, no, I'm not saying  _that_...exactly..."

The others frowned at him, bemused. How nice that they were all on the same page, every Avenger. Even Tony.

"Then what  _are_  you saying?" asked Fury.

Tony stared at him. He suddenly  _knew._  He didn't know how he knew, he just did.

* * *

Loki remained awake, even as Thor slept peacefully. The thunder god's cape lay under them, soft on the sand of the cave. Loki snuggled up to Thor further, suddenly feeling cold and exposed in this unfamiliar place. He knew that there was nothing to fear, that as long as Thor was here nothing could harm him, but that  _light_ , that ever-present blue light in the room made him want to hide away and scream and jump out of the cave into the waiting ocean below...

 _Stop that, stop that!_  he scolded himself. Thor wouldn't want him to jump and...and  _Loki_  didn't want to either. Why would he even think such a thing? His mind no longer heeded his wishes, it sprang with strange thoughts that rooted themselves with terrifying ideas and words-

Why couldn't he just  _sleep_?

Only his continued wakefulness answered him as he buried his face against his snoring brother.

X - X

"Are you certain your enchantment will hold?"

Loki snapped up, his half-asleep state disrupted by his brother's sudden question. He blinked wildly and looked around, finding his brother crouched next to the blue cube against the far wall. "W-what, brother..?"

"I asked you a question," stated Thor, face devoid of emotion. "I expect you to answer it."

Loki shivered. The echo of Thor's warmth against him made him want to rush over and lean on his brother once more, meld into his embrace. He swallowed, then answered, "Yes. Yes, brother, although... it- it is not an  _enchantment_ , it isn't sorcery. I simply modified the mortals' technology, to alter the Tesseract's container so as to disrupt any-"

"Do I  _look_  like I need a lesson in primitive Midgardian technology? I simply asked if it will  _hold_."

Loki shrunk into himself. Why was his brother still so angry?  _Because you betrayed him, fool,_  said a voice. He knew it was true. Thor had found his little brother with  _him_ , with Stark, and then Loki had tried to defend him - why  _shouldn't_  he be angry? Loki clearly couldn't control himself, he'd gone back to the mortal where he could be hurt again, and Thor had to save him,  _again._

But...but hadn't the mortals saved him the first time..?

Thor abruptly standing made the trickster jump back and hit his head against the back wall. The blonde walked over slowly, slightly smirking, then knelt beside him on one knee and rubbed the back of his head, saying, "My poor, weak brother. If no injury comes to you from another then you will always injure yourself, instead." The light chuckle that followed made Loki want to cry.

Then, a moment later, he did. His face was already wet before he could even  _try_  to stop.

"And what is this now?" purred Thor. The mocking tone sounded... _wrong_  in his brother's voice. "Why are you crying?" The thunder god remained where he was, tall and suddenly so imposing to the trickster, even as he remained crouched.

A small sob escaped and Loki didn't know what to  _do_. He wanted to curl into Thor's chest, to seek comfort there, but he suddenly couldn't bring himself to. What had changed? Why was Thor so unwilling to forgive Loki? Or...or perhaps he didn't deserve forgiveness. Thor was always right...wasn't he? In whatever way he could, he always looked out for Loki...didn't he? He was golden and perfect and  _everyone_ loved him...right? Didn't that mean he could do no wrong, that Loki should always listen to him?

Of course. Of course those things were true.

That meant...that meant that Loki was in the wrong. That meant that he had to make it  _right_ , had to make up for whatever wrong he did.

His green eyes flicked up to his elder brother as he wiped away his own tears. What could he do? Saying 'sorry' was useless, like an empty, hollow sky, promising rain.  _Action_  meant something, while words were phantom droplets on your head while you thirsted for the downpour. Stark had proven that some time ago, and now, now Loki had to follow that rule. Had to  _act_  not just  _say._

Thoughts of Stark caused a stray memory to emerge, jumping to the forefront of Loki's mind, of a time he wished he could forget, of  _Stark_  and that  _house_ , of unending pain and humiliation and...and...

 _"You think you can make it up to me?" Stark's words sounded casual, almost bored, but Loki knew better. He could_ do something _, do something to please Stark or he could bear punishment._

_"N-no- Maybe. I...I don't..."_

_"Because you're free to try. I'm kind of bored right now, give it your best shot." The mortal walked to his long couch and sat down, almost tentatively, as if watching the trickster out of the corner of his eye,_ testing _, waiting for Loki to act._

 _But Loki already knew what he had to do, what Stark wanted. His body language told him everything. He was_ bored _and when Stark was bored he only wanted one thing. It was one of the many things that Loki was required to give anyway, so what was the difference?_

_The trickster god crawled over and remained on his knees in front of the mortal. There was no need to get up. He was right where he was supposed to be._

Thor's eyes almost shined blue, pupils small in the morning light that seeped in through holes in the cave's ceiling. Pale light, not as bright as it should have been.

Loki knew what he had to do. If it made Tony forgive him - not hurt him as much - why not his brother as well? He wronged them both so easily, didn't that mean the act to make it right could be the same? It had to be true. It had to be that simple.

It made Loki's stomach cramp up to even move, to even  _try_  what he was about to, but it was for the best. Thor wouldn't be angry anymore and he would welcome Loki into his strong arms and everything would go back to the way it was - bright storms and kind smiles and warm, comforting arms in the night.

A final push of his muscles and Loki moved forward, the shaking of his fingers not enough to deter him from trying to undo his brother's trousers.  _This will make it better; Thor won't be angry with me anymore-_

Loki nearly bit his tongue when the thunderer's hands shot out, iron grip holding his wrists. "Just what in Helheim are you doing, little brother?" His face was tipped up yet his eyes were dark, shadowed against the suddenly fading sunlight.

"I-I'm making it better," blurted out Loki. "You'll see. I'm good. Stark- Stark taught me what to do-"

A sharp backhand sent Loki sprawling across the ground. He landed on his brother's cape so he didn't see the blood that dripped there.

"You will  _what_?!" bellowed Thor. He gripped Loki by the back of the neck, his fingers harshly pulling hair as he lifted his face so he could see the stormy blues of his eyes. "Firstly,  _little brother_ , you will _never_..." he leaned in close, all hot breath and clenched teeth, "... _ever_  say that disgusting mortal's name again." Loki whimpered and tried not to move, but his brother wasn't finished. "And secondly, what is _wrong_  with you? Have you become so depraved that you would allow yourself to do such a thing with  _me_ , your own  _brother_?"

Loki's eyes widened with shock as hot tears fell. Of course... _Of course! What is wrong with me?_  He didn't know why he'd even had such a thought. Thor was his brother, and brothers weren't supposed to do that, were they..?

He was thrown back to the cape as Thor continued, "That mortal has corrupted your mind -  _twisted_  it. This is why I must look after you, brother, why you should not think for yourself." The words sounded good but his tone made Loki want to hide away. He had tried to make it better but, as always, the trickster god only made it worse.

"I'm s-sorry, brother," sobbed out Loki, turning to face him, "I'm sorry, so, so sorry." He nodded profusely, next. "You're right. I-I've spent too much time with...with that mortal. I don't know what to do anymore- I can't be right anymore. Please," he whispered, "please tell me what to do. I-I don't know what to do..." The tears wouldn't stop now as he curled into himself, lying on his side and hugging his knees against the soft cloth.

_Please don't hate me..._

But Thor was already leaning down, leaning down and holding Loki close against his chest, strong arms wrapping around. "There, there, now," he said in a soothing and commanding voice. "You've done wrong and I  _will_  have to punish you for it." Loki looked up to the other's face, eyes wide with fear and tears. "But," continued the thunderer, " _that_  is no way for you to pay penance. You will do only what _I_ say, and when I say it, do you understand, brother?"

Loki nodded and tried not to shrink away. He deserved punishment and he would take it - and Thor wouldn't even force him to do  _that_! And why would he? Thor was merciful, after all, just like he'd thought. What had made him forget?

 _Stark_. Stark had made him forget. It was all the mortal's fault. If Thor hated the man then there was something wrong with the mortal, was there not? So Loki resigned to hate him, too.

* * *

"Wow, Stark," said Barton, "you're just...out with everything today, huh?"

Tony half-heartedly glared at him, "What am I, the Subtlety King now?"

"Subtlety King..?" asked Bruce under his breath, amused.

"Would you stop that, Brucie?" said Stark. "Yeah, I'm a little off my game today, can you blame me?"

It wasn't meant to be a serious question but no one said anything for a while.

Feeling incredibly awkward in the silence, Tony hissed and leaned on the table. "I know you're probably thinking it's not that important in the grand scheme of things..."

"Uh, no," pointed Clint, "it very much  _is_  important. Can you even imagine how much _more_  fucked up Loki would be if his  _brother_ raped him?!"

Half of them groaned or grimaced, or just looked away. Tony glared. " _Really_ , bird-shit-for-brains? Just a little louder, I don't think the people  _on the ground_  heard you."

"What?" protested the archer. " _You_  were the one bringing it up, don't give me that shit. This kind of thing is messed up but, as  _you said_ , it's what we're all already thinking," he finished quieter.

Tony had to give him that because it apparently  _was_. No one seemed surprised when he brought it up, just...really disturbed that he'd had to say it out loud.

"Bird-shit-for-...?"

" _Do not_  even, man," Stark sighed and didn't look at Bruce, but he knew the scientist was probably shifting nervously where he stood. He also knew Bruce didn't find any of this funny. Tony's brain felt scrambled and his friend was trying to help him with some levity by poking fun at his bad nicknames. Strangely, it was working. It was stupid but it was working. Tony stifled a chuckle as he half-leaned, half-sat on the table.

"So," said Fury, arms crossed, "how the hell do you even know any of this, Stark?"

"Is it just a guess, or maybe an instinct?" asked Natasha. It sounded like a question and yet she seemed to already know. Well, maybe she always sounded like that. The spy walked up to him, face giving nothing away. She stared into his eyes and Tony fought the urge to step back. It was just  _Tasha_.

"I don't know," he finally answered. He couldn't think of anything more to say.

Her eyes jumped between his. "You think because Thor is Loki's brother he won't hurt him that way, he won't  _take advantage_  - as you put it - even though he could? You don't think he would?" Tony shrugged. He didn't really know, yet... _he did._  After a long moment of staring at him, she stated, blankly: "Because you did."

Tony turned away, unwilling to look at her anymore. He gritted his teeth and said, "Yeah,  _I know_." Still with rigid jaw, he whipped back around to her. "Don't you think that goes through my head every moment of every day? Don't you think I wake up in a sweat  _every damn night_  because I hear him screaming in the dark next to my bed?  _Don't you think_ ," he suddenly found himself so close to her. His mind screamed  _'Danger!'_  but he knew she wouldn't hurt him. "Don't you think I know that? I did that and I have to live with it, but at  _least_  Loki won't have to live with having his own  _brother_  do that to him."

"How do you know that?"

"Because the damned Tesseract told me!" Tony burst out, his face inches from hers now, his breathing erratic and strained.

_What what what?! What did I just say?_

She didn't even flinch, but a moment later she took a single step back and nodded once.

"Holy fucking hell!" yelled Tony next, stumbling into a chair that was suddenly, appropriately, behind him. Steve stood next to him with pursed lips. No one said anything for several heartbeats. "Am I fucking serious?" asked Tony with a decidedly awkward pitch, looking around aimlessly at the others.

"Uh, looks like," said Clint in a quiet voice.

"And now we're finally getting somewhere," said Fury, voice deep but, strangely, sympathetic.

Tony honestly didn't know what to do with that so he ignored it.  _My day's just getting better and better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, poor Loki. Don't you just wanna hit Thor over the head and fix him? Be nice to your brother, oaf! ;D Loki won't be calling him the obligatory "oaf" so we have to do it for him.
> 
> This chapter hopefully answers some of the questions you guys have, but I didn't want to have a whole chapter of just dialogue so there's still more explanations coming later.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait but you guys are probably used to it by now. ;) I'm not exactly satisfied with this chapter but I hope you guys like it anyway. ^^ Angst ahoy!

The next few hours passed with very little incident, except that his elder brother's eyes intermittently jumped to him, some unfathomable hatred lingering there that Loki was at a loss to understand...or prevent. Thus, when the thunder god approached him with the softest expression he had seen yet, the trickster dared to hope he might yet salvage whatever good grace he had clearly already lost.

Thor leaned down and sat on his haunches next to the sitting Loki. Unexpectedly, his hand began to caress Loki's hair in the fashion he was accustomed, causing the trickster to momentarily let go of his worries and hope -  _hope_ , that perhaps his brother had somehow forgiven him. He leaned into the touches, closing his eyes.

"Do not think I have forgotten your punishment, brother," said Thor in a cooing voice. Loki's eyes shot open as Thor pulled his ear close with a hand around his head, next whispering, "It will not be that easy..."

Without warning, Thor grabbed Loki and dragged him to his feet. Loki made a sound of distress as he was dragged across the floor, although he didn't dare resist or protest. The elder god easily held to the younger, his grip bruising, his feet firm and determined as he moved them into a new cavern that Loki had not previously entered.

Until now, Loki hadn't wondered very much why Thor had been moving from cavern to cavern - he had simply assumed Thor was pacing, that he had been walking off his anger...or so he'd desperately hoped. Now, it appeared, he couldn't have been more wrong. The moment Loki saw it he knew,  _immediately_  he knew what its purpose was. For the first time that day, he couldn't keep quiet.

"Brother..." his protest shrunk and shrivelled in his throat as they approached. "Broth- Brother..." Loki trembled, tried to fight back feebly, and again, his words would not come.

A door. A dark, metal, rusty door with nothing but  _darkness_  beyond its high, barred window. He knew its purpose but he didn't want to acknowledge it.

Thor deposited him at its base as he moved to open the door. But before doing so, he turned around and leaned over Loki, saying, "Attempt to move from this spot and I'll break both your legs before throwing you in there."

Loki stared at him in horror, tears falling, hot and thick down his cheeks.  _No...No, he won't- he can't- he would never -_  Thor knew, Thor  _knew_  how much Loki feared the dark, why would he-  _how could he_.. _.?_

The deafening sound of the door creaking open, painful and slow, like an ancient titan disturbed from its eternal slumber, made Loki cry out and hide against the floor, unable to run away despite his fear of the room.

_Thor would never-_

_Thor would never-_

_Brother would never-_

He screamed when Thor grabbed him, ready to throw him into the waiting abyss. He couldn't help it, he flailed his arms and kicked out, even knowing it was useless against the thunder god.

"Brother, please,  _no!_ " he screamed, dirt and sand flying around with his struggle. "I'm sorry," he wailed, the door within arm's length now, " _I'm so sorry_. Please, don't!" Thor's grip tightened, but, for whatever reason, he hesitated. Suddenly not daring to look at the other, Loki whispered a final plea: " _Brother..._ "

* * *

This isn't right. This  _isn't right_.

_Brother..._

I can't do this.

_Please, no!_

What am I doing?

_I'm so sorry._

Whose words are those?

_Please, don't!_

He blinked his eyes in the dark. He didn't understand. He couldn't see. He couldn't move. Small words rushed in a flurry all around, like snow in a darkest night. But he could barely hear them now, they were fading away. He wanted them to stay, but they couldn't.

_Brother..._

This isn't right...  _He_  isn't right.

* * *

Why was he stopping? Loki dared to look up now, refusing his tears for a moment so he could see clearly.

Thor's eyes were wide, wide and so, so blue, and not a single muscle moved; Loki wondered if even his breath had stopped.  _What is happening?_  His grip hadn't loosened, neither was he stepping away, he was simply frozen, unmoving, as if someone had paralyzed the great god in his tracks.

"B-Brother?" whispered Loki.

All at once, Thor shook his head and frowned, then, without a beat, growled at Loki and tossed him into the pitch black room, the sound of grating metal drowning out the sounds of ceaseless screaming.

X - X

Loki felt something slipping through his fingers, like wisps of mist strung round his mind, holding it together. But they were falling...

_Not dark. Not dark not eating me...no no no no no..._

_not happening no Thors here out there- not alone- no not alone just need wait. only wait._

_thor- brother- Thor will come back he'll come- he-_

_no no no! I cant see not there no eating and little fingers in my skin...no. not. not there- I dont see._

_don't see nomore I cant-_

A rush of something brushing up against him made Loki scream again, his bloodied fingers scraping along the floor, dragging him in a desperate scramble to  _get away_. Something slid across the floor. He knew they were in here-  _not eat me they eat me no in my mind! cant be there! tony said you cant...no dont please go awayaway please plea..se goway youcan..t stayhere thor-brotherwill...notallowstay_

* * *

Screaming. Screaming. Screaming. Did that pathetic creature do nothing else? His lips tugged upward but it felt strange on his mouth. It always felt strange on his mouth, he wasn't sure why. His skin felt stretched, all in the wrong places; he felt naked and overburdened all at once and he didn't like it. It wasn't right. He was Thor, the  _Mighty_ Thor, Odin-son and Thunder-Wielder, Slayer of Giants and Bringer of Storms- how could he feel _so wrong_?

_What have I done?_

_What have I done?_

_What have I done?_

His entire body jerked, as if with a sudden spasm, but he shrugged it off and paced. Back, then forth, then back again.

The dark door greeted him with pained screams and the banging of bony fists against metal.

_What have I done?_

"Shut up!" he screamed, whirling around. He frowned, confused. His steps led into the next room which housed the Tesseract, still humming lightly in the corner. He caught sight of his crimson cape, still wrinkled and spread across the sandy floor.

_Irrelevant. Irrelevant. Who cares who slept there?_

_Why did I leave it there-_

He rushed over to it, determined to put it back upon his shoulders, but he hesitated, hand hovering.

_Can't._

_Can't._

He stepped back and ignored the sounds of screams, growing ever quieter by the moment.

_What have I done?_

Thor let out a loud, feral growl and suddenly found his fist embedded in the wall of the cave next to the cape. He stared at it, again confused - why was his hand in the wall?

He laughed. Loud and deep and wrought with jagged edges that didn't belong there.

_What is wrong with me?_

He had no reason to do that...

Screams.

Screams.

He paced across the floor, toward the Tesseract. He smirked at it, then remembering his words from earlier, mused on his threat to the trickster; he  _would_  have broken his legs, and why not? The mischief god was ever disobedient, willful, wretched, insolent, rebellious- And besides, he could still work on the Tesseract, as long as he had both  _arms_...

Thor laughed again, the sound of his bellow echoing off the walls of the cavern, then spreading in every direction, to the caves beyond.

Fists against metal.

Scratching.

Crying.

_Screams._

Yes...yes, the trickster would help him. He was his little brother, was he not? Wasn't he supposed to listen to his elder sibling? The little runt required guidance, a harsh hand, discipline, things he clearly had not been given in his time with Stark-

Thor screamed angrily and threw one of the empty crates across the room, the wood splintering loudly against the stone.

Screams.

_Sobbing._

He breathed deeply, in and out through his nose. He hated that mortal with everything in him; he should have  _killed_  him when he had the chance. Why hadn't he? It didn't make sense. The trickster had no authority over him, no influence, he should have killed the mortal when he had his hands around his throat.

Maybe...maybe he would still get his chance. He knew the others would pursue him here - somehow. They were resourceful, especially for mortals.

_Screams._

"I said  _shut up_!" Thor screamed as he rushed back into the other room and approached the door. "Shut up!  _Shut up!_ " He couldn't bring himself to bang on it, even as he desperately wanted to. Instead, he stared at it with wide, disbelieving eyes.

_What have I done?_

He grit his teeth and shook his head.

_What have I done?_

He sunk to the floor and sat against the wall, chuckling.  _Ridiculous. All so stupid._  He sat still and didn't move for a long time.

It wasn't until half a day later, still sitting against the wall, that he noticed the screams had stopped.

* * *

Even laying in a pool of his own blood, Loki still couldn't stop making noise. He  _couldn't stop_... Even when he felt blood dripping from his lips to join the rest of the warm liquid.

 _"Shut up!"_  he heard someone scream outside, although he barely registered it.

 _Dark. Dark. Dark._  was all he saw and felt and he all but forgot he had a body, and that it  _could feel other things_ \- that it once had. Love, safe, warm,  _Brother..._

_Why?_

_"I said shut up!"_

Loki twitched and screamed again, the sound barely even recognizable as a voice now.

Hours passed and the door did not open. Loki lost consciousness, woke up, saw nothing, then passed out again. This process repeated itself several times, before finally, he managed to stay awake...at least for a few minutes. But why should he stay awake? There was no reason.

_brother gone_

_Mother gone._

_father...gone_

_everybody gone_

The things crawled on him again but he couldn't bring himself to scrape them off, to flay his skin so they wouldn't stay and sleep in there again. He almost laughed at them.  _Why would you want to stay here? Inside this useless body? Inside this...this..._  He could not think of a word, even  _refuse_  seemed too much praise for him.

He vaguely registered that a heavy silence was all that now drifted from outside his cell, that the being there had turned quiet. Who was he again? Somebody important, Loki was sure. But who? Would he grow angry when Loki didn't remember? Would he hurt him further and make him do things?

Loki shook the thoughts away, or at least tried, he had not strength left in him to do even that.

That was not right. The man out there...he wasn't right. Loki didn't know why, or how, only that the man was  _wrong_ , not what he was supposed to be.

Then, all at once, like a tidal wave across a shorn coastline, memories flooded back. Of Stark, of his time in the dark -  _this dark this dark nono no not right_ \- Should he fear that time? He did, he feared it, but for some reason it didn't swallow him as it used to, even as he dangled over its yawning maw. That time was past -  _no. here. now._   _No, that's not right_ \- someone was here to protect him, keep him from falling...

_Where is he? Shouldn't he be here?_

Blinking, even in the darkness, Loki tried to look around.

_where is he?_

Slowly, painstakingly, he managed to move a little - barely even a twitch of his muscles, but it was  _something_ , enough to stir him from his lost thoughts, his agony, his  _fear_.

The darkness smiled him. Loki whimpered and pulled his hands back, away from the agonizing void. His legs tried their best to join his arms. He felt a phantom ache pull at his heart, dragging the tears from his eyes.

 _who is he?_  The memories were starting to slip away.

 _Hurts. throat hurts. me hurt._ But not all.  _not hurt not all hurt._  A small voice in the deepest parts of his mind echoed with whispers, spoke words that belonged to another time.  _"I will_ never  _leave you again, nothing will happen to you. I swear on Yggdrasil, on the All-Father, on the All-Mother, and on Mjolnir..."_ The voice was so familiar, so close and so far at once, a strange comfort in the dark.  _"I_ will  _protect you."_

Loki again blinked fiercely. Who was speaking? "Wh-Who..?" he whispered.

The voice seemed so distant, like faded starlight he had once grasped so tightly and assuredly.

"You were...you were supposed to protect..."

Lifting his head, Loki looked around. Dark. So dark. He trembled and fell back down.  _No can't._ For a while he did nothing but hide behind his arms and legs, hoping everything would  _just stop_. But, after a while, he looked around again, wondering where the voice had gone.

"Hello?" his timid voice sounded horrible but he didn't care. It hurt; he didn't care. He strained to look up, to see the dim outline of a door behind and above him.

_I can't do anything...so useless!_

_"Do not say such things..."_  whispered the voice from another time.  _"You are not nothing..."_ He didn't understand where the voice was coming from. _"You are my brother, my_  brother." It stopped for a long moment, then said:  _"Do you understand?"_

"Th-Thor..?"

_"You are not nothing."_

_Thor..._

As if some invisible force had pushed him, Loki all but jumped to his feet, bracing himself against the door. He couldn't stand properly but he couldn't care about that now. The small barred window let in virtually no light, but when he stood on tiptoes he saw the edge of the room and the cave's ceiling. The sun appeared to be going down.

Forcing his body to cooperate, he stood up a little straighter. With trembling and bloodied hands, he caught the bars on the window and pulled himself up a little more, the very tips of his toes barely grazing the ground.

The sight that greeted him when his eyes reached the floor made Loki gasp and loose his grip, nearly felling him back to the floor. He managed to catch himself, though, just barely, his tired fingers still holding the cool metal above.

 _Thor. Brother._  Thor was on the ground in the fetal position, his large body wrapped around the tattered remains of his red cape.

_What-?_

Loki dared to pull himself up again, somehow sure that he'd seen a hallucination... _surely?_  Thor would never-

On his second glimpse he saw that his eyes - and his mind - were working perfectly.  _Not mad, I'm not mad. No, never again-_ Thor was indeed on his side and clutching at his cape and...crying? That was wrong. It couldn't be. Why would he...?

The thunder god groaned, the sound deep and sorrowful that it suddenly made Loki sad as well.

Sad... Sad?  _By Hela, what am I talking about?!_  He had no time for-

"Thor!" Loki didn't know what he was doing. He was terrified, his hands shook, his voice was all but shredded, barely above a whisper, but he  _had to wake Thor up._  He was afraid to but he had to try anyway. "Thor!" The blond either couldn't hear him or he was ignoring him. He shifted a little, but little else. "Brother, please...wake up!"  _What am I doing?! Shut up!_  "Thor, look at me... Brother, can you hear me? Please..."

When Loki, with all the strength he could muster, pulled himself up further, his eye caught something near the base of the door.

_No!_

He fell backward hard, his back crashing against hard stone with a loud yelp.

_Blue._

_Blue_

_The tesseract no nono. I cant pleaseno-_

_Get ahold of yourself!_

Clenching his teeth tight, he felt a surge of anger flow through him. He had no time for this! He again jumped up and grabbed the bars, hauling himself up. He ignored the fact that the cube now lay on the floor sans casing - ignored the terrifying glow of  _blue, blue, blue_  and instead concentrated on his brother.

"Wake up, Thor..." The elder god mumbled and shifted, his grip tightening around the red cloth. "Thor, dammit,  _wake up_!" This time, Thor's eyes opened, but, only a moment later, they drifted closed, if not all the way. His blue eyes half-lidded, Thor groaned loudly.

"Lok..." The normally powerful voice of the thunder god came out a breathy whisper.

 _Yes! Wake up!_  "Brother! Can you hear me?"

Slowly, Thor's eyes began closing again.

Frustrated and afraid of Thor falling asleep again for some reason, Loki pulled himself higher and glared at the Tesseract, even as his entire body trembled with the act. "Leave my brother alone!" he screamed with broken voice at the ominous blue.

Although Thor's eyes remained partially closed, and his body had not moved, he suddenly let out a chuckle, then said,  _"You dare to speak to me that way? How amusing. The trickster's found a spine somewhere along the way..."_

Loki's eyes widened with a horrified frown. Thor wasn't moving. In fact, he still looked exactly as before - curled around his cape. The fact that his mouth moved as if on its own sent shivers down Loki's entire body.

 _"What's the matter, runt? Don't remember me?"_ Thor's mouth laughed.  _"You do have memory problems, don't you? What a shame,"_  the lips mocked. Then, his eyes slowly, very slowly opened, staring at nothing. _"Should I remind you, then? Should we play again?"_

Unable to stay quiet any longer, and suddenly realizing it wasn't _Thor_ speaking, but something else... Something...the...the same something -  _No, can't be..._  - the same something that had haunted Loki for so long; it was in Thor, too! His brother was...not his brother. It  _wasn't Thor_ anymore... It hadn't been since... since Tony, and the helicarrier... So long! How could he have been so blind for so long? How could he have been such a fool?

"Thor!" Loki screamed, despite the pain it caused. "Brother, please get up! Please, let me out!"

Thor stirred as his eyes fluttered shut, then opened again, then closed. The Tesseract seemed to be glowing, brighter and brighter.

" _Thor!_ "

As if he'd just been awakened when sleeping when he wasn't supposed to be, Thor jumped up, eyes wide. His legs were under him the next moment, planted firmly on the sand, cape forgotten.

"Loki?" His eyes remained wide as he stared at his younger brother.

"Get me out of here!" Loki tried his best to scream. Thor hesitated. "Please,  _now_!"

Without hesitation, Thor rushed - and stumbled once - toward the metal door and pried it open, although the sound of breaking metal could be heard first, probably the lock. Blinking in confusion, Thor stepped back as Loki all but jumped out; fortunately, the thunderer still managed to catch him.

"Loki-?"

But suddenly Thor was screaming and grabbing his own head, stumbling backward. Loki, without support, nearly fell to the ground, managing to catch himself before he hit the sand. "Brother? Wh-what's wrong?"  _No, please. Not now. I've just got him back.._.

 _Blue._ Blue at the edge of his vision. Eyes moving frantically, searching, they fell on the blue cube. Loki was surprised he hadn't tripped over it. The mere sight of the thing filled him with both terror and abhorrence.

Again, Thor screamed and stumbled around, as if some terrible pain was assaulting him from the inside of his skull, trying to get out.

 _That thing...that thing is causing this._  Narrowing his eyes at the cube, and without thinking, Loki grabbed it. It was terribly unwise, he knew this, but he didn't care.  _I have him; He's back with me. I'm not giving him up again. No no no no...Never!_

For some reason, the sound of the ocean's waves filtered into his mind at that moment.  _The ocean..._ Aiming for one of the larger holes in the cave's wall, Loki pulled back his arm to throw it-

Thor suddenly screamed  _'No!'_  and lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. "How dare you!" he raged, eyes wild and wet.  _"You think you can rid yourself of me so easily, trickster?! You know nothing!"_  Despite his superior strength, the Tesseract's influence over Thor was tentative, at best - waning by the moment; thus, Loki managed to keep the cube away from Thor by scooting away on the floor as best he could.

"Brother, let me go!" he screamed at the thunder god.

"No! You insolent little brat! Give it to me!"  _"It's no use - do you think mere_ distance _will return him to you? That it will make any difference?"_  "Brother,  _run_!" "Give it back!"

Confused and fearful, Loki kicked and fought as much as possible as he held tightly to the cube, out of Thor's reach. His entire arm hurt from the strain of holding the powerful artifact, but he didn't relent.

Thor's raging continued. "It's mine! But...don't worry, brother," he suddenly tried a smile, but it was brittle and mad, "we can rule together! I'll take care of you - protect you. Wouldn't you like that?"  _"How pathetic,"_ Thor's manner shifted again.  _"He's been twisting my control since the beginning. Stubborn godling, he thinks to fight_ me _?"_

Then suddenly Thor stilled, his head hanging low as he stopped halfway toward grabbing the cube. Teary eyes turned to Loki, filled with a desperation that made Loki gasp for air.

"Brother..." said Thor. "I cannot stop...I cannot  _stop_... Please, for you...for me... You must," he paused as more tears fell, "you must kill me."

Even though the next word out of any logical person's mind would be  _'How?'_  because no one can just  _kill_  Thor, Loki instead hissed, "No..." He grit his teeth firmly. " _No._ "

"Now, brother. I can't stay for much longer..." He strained against his own body but did not move.

"No, no..." Loki shook his head, unmoved. " _No._ I will  _not._ "

"Broth-"

"You will not convince me-"

" _I cannot stop myself_."

Tears now fell from Loki's face as he tried to hold to his resolve. "Don't-"

"Now, Loki."

"No." He shook his head.

" _Now!_ "

" _No!_ " Loki gripped the Tesseract so tightly he thought his bones would snap. But when a flood of burning warmth, like fire in his veins, moved from his ribcage and up through his neck, the loud creaking of metal resounded through his skull as the collar around Loki's neck suddenly  _snapped_  open, falling to the ground along with its chain.

Only a single moment passed, of both gods staring at it, before Loki took a deep shuddering breath then  _screamed_  his lungs out with the rush of power that returned all at once. He thought his very  _being_ would break from the pain of it.

The Tesseract shook violently in his grasp as his entire world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhangers abound! But seriously, sorry for that. It's a pretty big one, too. If you guys are wondering, there'll probably only be a couple more chapters after this one. That's right, my darling readers, we're close to the end! Unfortunately, I have quite a few things coming up in my life for the next few weeks - about 3 to 4 weeks - so I won't be updating until after that.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So is anyone still reading this fic? I hope so! I haven't gone anywhere, just too busy to be writing a lot lately.

Loki's eyes slowly, ever so slowly, blinked open. His first thought was that he was so comfortable, that the softness beneath him was so  _right_  and the breath ghosting over his neck was exactly what it should be, warm and familiar, but most of all  _safe._

With a slight frown of confusion, because he suddenly realized this  _wasn't_  right, he turned his head to the side.

_Thor. Thor is here._

His thoughts weren't forming, they're slow and nestled in the softness of the blankets surrounding him and his brother.

The blond head moved and Thor mumbled as he shifted, blue eyes slowly opening as well. He hummed and smiled sleepily, "Loki," he sighed. The sound of his own name passing through his brother's lips matched the air, fit in perfectly, like a slot being filled, the moment basking in the stillness of one so familiar.

Loki smiled back. "Thor." He couldn't say the name with as much love, but it didn't seem to matter to the thunderer.

Thor sobered all-too suddenly, staring intently. "Are you well?"

"Well enough..." Loki pursed his lips, uncertain. He was also uncertain why he couldn't remember much of the last few days...or had it been weeks? Why wouldn't his thoughts line up? And where were they?

He looked about. Thor's quarters - Thor's quarters on the helicarrier. It didn't seem right, though, he couldn't pinpoint why.

His elder brother sat up, sighed contentedly, then turned to look at him. "Now that you're better, the others have been asking for you."

"O-others?" Loki stuttered, caught off-guard suddenly.

"The other Avengers. They worry for you." He smiled again then stood up, stretching.

Loki nodded but still felt confused.  _The Avengers...they worry for me?_  He couldn't decide why, but that seemed odd as well. Of course they had visited him on occasion, but... His eyes widened, thoughts flooding in. He suddenly remembered. "Thor." His voice was too small, nearly a whisper. The other didn't hear. "Brother- Thor!" He moved as if to scramble from the bed, but Thor had heard him and moved back before he could stand.

"What is it? What's the matter?"

Loki's eyes were wide; he felt suddenly so frightened, disoriented. "Th-the Tesseract-  _the Tesseract_. Where is- What  _happened_? Did-did we-"

Calloused hands cupped his face and Loki inhaled a sharp, shaking breath as his brother's eyes fell steadily on him. "It is alright - be calm. Peace, brother. It is gone. Gone."

The trickster blinked several times, disbelieving of his ears.  _It can't be..._  "What?" he whispered.

"It is gone. Destroyed."

Loki shook his head. "No...no, it-it can't be that easy, I-" Unconsciously, he rubbed at his neck, suddenly aware of how  _bare_  it felt.

"You destroyed it, brother, with your magic." Thor's hands ran through Loki's hair, gently skimmed across his face. "All is well now. You need not worry."

"But..." Loki didn't know what to think; could it be that simple?

Thor pulled Loki to him, then held him tightly to his chest until he could feel the thundering of Thor's heart. His grasp was almost too much, but Loki, eventually, melded into the embrace, even if he couldn't quite be comfortable yet.

"I am so proud of you, brother," Thor mumbled into the top of Loki's head. "But it's all over now, you can rest. I will watch over you, do not fret. Hm?" he pulled back and lifted Loki's chin with a finger as a small smile formed. "I love you."

Loki's face warmed as he felt his own smile forming. "Th-thank you."

Thor frowned in amusement. "Thank you?"

"I...I mean, I love you, too," Loki amended, biting his lip. He still felt...out of sorts, but Thor's presence, at least, was still as soothing as ever, and... Looking directly into Thor's eyes, he was suddenly overcome by a strange feeling. Even stranger, Thor stared back; wide, blue orbs almost shining in the artificial light.

Nodding calmly, Thor leaned in and kissed Loki on the cheek. "You have been through much," he murmured against his skin, not moving away just yet.

"I...I know-"

Thor sighed, his breath fleeting but warm on Loki's face. "I fear losing you again."

Loki swallowed. "I'm not going anywhere, brother."

Thor then moved to Loki's forehead, kissed there, then moved to his other cheek. His beard tickled and Loki tried to pull away to frown at him and tease him about it, but Thor only pulled him closer.

"Brother..." Loki began to playfully protest, but he couldn't pull away as Thor's hands were gripping his upper arms. "Thor," Loki's voice deepened with warning, "you're hurting me." He tried to lean away but, again, Thor kept him close. Then...then Thor moved to Loki's neck, and - although Loki was certain he imagined it - he thought he felt moist lips moving along his throat.

Startled, Loki struggled anew, trying to pull away. "Thor! Let me go! - What in the All-father's name are you  _doing_?"

"Just relax, brother." Thor's voice was muffled against Loki's skin. "Isn't this what you've always wanted?"

"No-  _no!_  What are you doing? Stop!" Loki tried to scream the words but they caught in his throat, as if Thor's proximity were pushing them down. He tried to free himself but Thor, as always, was too strong.

The thunder god's lips lingered, and Loki was certain a hot tongue had licked him at some point, but it was the sudden hand gripping at the back of his hair that made him stop moving.

"Thor," Loki pleaded, "Thor, stop. This isn't you, it-it's the Tesseract, it's still-"

"I told you," Thor slowly, almost too slowly, pulled back, hand still holding Loki's hair. His eyes were half-lidded, staring and unblinking. "I told you the Tesseract is gone."

Loki tried to shake his head but the hand only held tighter, twisting painfully, as his other hand whispered along Loki's skin until it came to rest around his throat. Thor's head tilted ever so slightly as he stared at the trickster. All of a sudden he pulled Loki sharply toward him, faces almost touching. The thunderer's right hand continued to hold Loki's hair by the roots, but his other hand moved to caress Loki's blanched face in an unnervingly gentle manner. Tears pricked at Loki's eyes and he didn't know what to do.

"This is what you've wanted," Thor stated in a low growl.

_What do I do?_ Loki wondered. Should he call for help? But what use would it be; could the humans even subdue Thor?

"You're pathetic and weak," Thor continued. "You wanted  _my_  protection and love. Isn't that right?"

Stark and the Hulk together might be able to stop him...

Thor forced a sloppy kiss on him as Loki's mumbled protests were lost. Thor pulled back a little further and stared straight at the trickster. "You've always wanted this, haven't you?" It wasn't really a question but Loki couldn't help but respond.

"No. No... You're my brother; I never wanted this.  _Not this._ " He knew that look.  _He knew that look._  He'd seen it far too many times - far too many times but never could he have imagined to see it on his beloved brother's face. "Please don't, brother." Hot tears fell down his face as he unsuccessfully tried to pull away. "Please don't..."

Again, Thor's head tilted as he stared at him, as if some interesting puzzle lay before him. Then, the corner of his lip quivered up, as if he were trying to suppress a smile.

All at once Loki knew what was about to happen. He had been in shock, he hadn't been able to process it properly, but  _now he knew_. Thor suddenly freed him - as Loki knew he would - as he tried to maneuver the trickster into a more desirable position, tried to push him onto the bed, but Loki, with everything in him, darted off the bed - practically fell off it - and ran for the door. He didn't let himself stumble then, he didn't allow his feet to trip him. He made for the door and didn't hesitate.

He didn't hear Thor following him until -  _No!_

A large hand grabbed his foot and Loki crashed to the floor, his forehead hitting the metal door. " _No!_ " he screamed. "Somebody help me! Help me,  _please_!"

Thor scrambled to hold him down and sit atop him at the same time, but Loki wasn't giving up. He managed to get a foot free and he kicked at the thunder god's head with all his might. Grunting, Thor abruptly let go. The momentary distraction was enough for Loki to break free and move for the door.

It opened and Loki ran out, although he again couldn't bring himself to look back. He didn't hear Thor's footsteps but that could simply mean that he'd gone for Mjolnir and was now  _flying_ toward him.

Panicked and frantic, Loki ran to the end of the corridor and turned left for the nearest-

There were agents in the corridor, but they...but they... Loki wanted to run passed, to ignore them but they were...

They were all smiling at him. Big, wide smiles. The woman to his left smiled as she walked by, and the security guard to his right. Loki looked on in horror.  _What in all the Nine Realms?_

He tried to move on, tried to remember that Thor was coming, but what was happening? He couldn't form thoughts.  _I..I've lost my mind._  It seemed the only explanation. He had lost Thor and now he'd lost his mind. The SHIELD agents seemed to be going about their business, but their  _faces_...

Smiling, smiling,  _smiling_.

Something crashed into him from behind and tackled him to the floor. What a fool he was! Loki tried to get free as before, but Thor immediately held him down, grabbed his wrists and pinioned them above his head.

"What are you doing?!" Loki screamed at the agents still milling about. "Help me! Do something -  _what is wrong with all of you?!_ " He tried screaming more at them but they only continued smiling back, never stopping for him.

Thor's breath fell over him as he leaned down. "Not that easy, trickster," he murmured into his face. "Why do you run?"

Loki looked around frantically, tried to understand  _why_ , but none of it could even  _begin_  to make sense. "Why aren't you helping me?" His voice broke, barely whispered. His tears fell again and he  _didn't understand_.

_I've lost my mind, then._  It was all over. Thor was gone; he was gone. This was probably all in his mind. He was dead. Thor was probably dead, too. The Tesseract had killed them and this was his eternal punishment for all that he'd done, all the lives he'd taken. The visage of his brother would torture and violate him for the rest of eternity, over and over. This was all that was left.

Thor flipped him over and Loki didn't fight. He cried but he didn't fight. What was there to fight for?

The agents walked by and smiled, eyes wide without blinking. Loki didn't see them anymore. Didn't care to.

The sound of ripping clothing did not make Loki stir. He didn't listen when Thor murmured something warm and wet in his ear.

He only cried and wished he could die all over again.

When Thor's warmth pushed against him there was a sudden rumbling in the floor, and a violent crash as if something large had hit the side of the helicarrier. Everybody lurched on their feet except for Thor, although he paused.

"What-"

At least Thor had stopped. But what did it matter?  _Nothing_  mattered now. At the end of his despair, Loki laid his head against the cold floor, deciding not to care.

A sound like thunder reverberated through the floor. All of a sudden, Loki heard the distinctive sound of Mjolnir flying over his head. Although he was curious, he simply assumed Thor had called his hammer for some reason... perhaps to lay on Loki incase he decided to fight back again-

Cold. It was cold and Loki realized Thor was no longer near him. Startled, Loki dared to look behind him.

"By the Norns, what  _are_ you?" Thor asked, but...

But there was another Thor. Another, identical Thor standing beside his doppelganger. Except they were wearing different clothes. One Thor wore his night-clothes, the other wore his armor. Then, the night-clothes-wearing Thor looked down at himself, smiled widely, just as his appearance shifted in a flurry of pale blue light and his usual armor appeared on him, identical to the other Thor's.

"That's better," he stated, then looked at Loki.

His eyes scared Loki so he pushed against the floor and tried to back away.

"Brother?" the other Thor finally seemed to notice him. And when he tried to move to Loki, concern in his eyes, the other one blocked his path.

"Ah, ah," he held up a finger. "He's mine-"

Without warning, the new Thor struck the other with Mjolnir and rushed toward Loki. "Brother, what has happened? Who is that...other me?"

Loki stared at him. Stared at him and feared him, but... But he also saw the worry and the slight panic, the fear of  _not knowing_ , of being lost and confused, just as Loki was.

_Two Thors. Two._ But there was only one Thor. But there are  _two_  now _._ If there are two then one must not be Thor, and the other...

"Brother?" Loki whispered cautiously.

A commotion behind Thor -  _the true Thor, it must be_  - drew their attention.

"That  _damned hammer_ ," false-Thor rose to his feet and hissed. Then, almost immediately he smiled. He smiled along with the agents who now stood around them, motionless as statues. He walked through them, still smiling. "And here I thought I would have  _so much fun_  with the trickster. He's such a little whore, I thought we could have fun fuckin-"

Thor immediately threw Mjolnir at the doppelganger's head. It swung back around and returned to him.

The other one laughed and clutched at his face. "Damn.  _That hurt._ " But he was still smiling, unfazed.

"It was meant to," Thor seethed, fire in his eyes. He helped Loki to stand, helped him and held him close with one arm around his back. Loki held back tightly. _This_  was Thor, there was no denying it.

"Oh," fake-Thor scrunched his face in mock hurt, "you wound me, thunderer. We almost had such a delightful time in that cave..." He cracked his jaw and spit blood. "But you're just so damned  _stubborn_. Must be that bit of Odin in you," he mused out loud.

Thor ignored his comments. "What are you, imposter? Is this some sort of sorcery? Loki?" He looked to Loki.

"I...I don't know," Loki murmured. He was still so overwhelmed. Confused. Relieved.  _Confused_. But also grateful; grateful beyond  _words_  that that wasn't his brother, that he - that  _they_  weren't dead. This wasn't his eternal, horrible punishment for his misdeeds. But...what was this then?

The other Thor laughed and leaned over with a hand on his thigh. He stopped abruptly and looked at the other two with a sinister grin. "You wouldn't know, would you, little Jotun? I heard you, all this time." He lifted his arms and waved them about daintily, his voice high, " _'I'm so weak and I don't know who I am.'_ " He was... Was he  _mocking_? It was so strange since he looked like Thor. He continued in the uncharacteristically high voice, " _'I can't remember anything because my mind is broken, and I wish Big Brother would keep me, forever and ever and ever and maybe he'll even give me a wet, juicy kiss-'_ "

Thor lifted Mjolnir threateningly. "Be silent or I will silence you!"

The other one lifted his hands, as if to block the hammer, but he was laughing so hard. "But you have to admit - he's just so  _pathetic_. It's amusing." He sobered so suddenly and  _stared_  at Loki that the trickster whimpered and shrunk against Thor. "Isn't that right,  _Loki_?"

Loki could feel Thor's pulse run through him, like the lightning he so easily gathered. It made his hairs stand on end, but somehow, the familiarity of it made him feel less nervous, reminded him that Thor was still here.

Thor again brandished his hammer. "Do not speak again-"

"Or  _what_?" the other bared his smiling teeth and leaned - deliberately - forward.

"Or I will kill you."

He laughed again. Laughed and didn't stop. The agents still surrounding them laughed with him, joined in a chorus of terrifying unity. Then, once again, the laughter stopped abruptly. The doppelganger's smile stretched slowly as his arms spread wide. "Give it your best shot."

X - X

The light surrounding him was so blinding. Loki blinked and tried to shield his eyes, but there was something heavy on top of him and he could barely move.

It was a person, a person on top of him. The person grunted and shifted.

_Thor._  It was Thor. He would know his voice anywhere, even the noises he made. Loki tried to speak but hard metal was pushing against his face and he couldn't...

He blinked again.  _What?_  There was nobody on top of him. Thor was gone. His cheek felt warm where the metal of Thor's armor had been, even the thunderer's scent still lingered. Loki's eyes hurt but he managed to sit up. The chain of his leash clanked about as he moved and he adjusted it out of the way, mindful not to touch it too much.

"Thor?" he called. He rubbed at his eyes and was relieved that the light was subsiding-

His breath caught in his throat.

No.

_No._

_no no nono no no nonono_

A tiny sound escaped him and Loki jumped off the floor as if burned. He was...he was...

_No please please-_

He was in Stark's home.  _Stark's home_. The long glass window and the couch and the great piano and the stairs and elevator-

Loki coughed, retched, he had to turn over, get on his knees because he couldn't- he was about to- he vomited on the floor and watched the yellow spread across the floor. His tears dropped into the puddle as he watched and trembled, retched several more times.

Stark walked in from the kitchen. "Loki, I thought I told you to..."

Teary eyes wide, Loki could do nothing but sit up on his knees and  _stare_. The brown eyes met his.

"What the  _fuck_. Did I tell you to fuck up my floor or did you decide to do a little redecorating yourself?"

Loki continued to stare. He felt bile rising again but he couldn't move, frozen to the spot.

Stark tilted his head and lifted an eyebrow. "Uh, hello?" He walked a few steps forward. "Do we need a another lesson?"

* * *

"Ow...ow, ow, ow."

"What the hell is wrong now, Stark?" Barton asked as he looked back at Tony from the cockpit of the quinjet.

"It's my fucking head, that's what's wrong," Tony answered. "And could I get a little compassion here, if it's not too much trouble? Yeah, thanks."

Clint rolled his eyes and returned to his piloting. Natasha shook her head at him.

The truth was, Tony's head was  _splitting_. He hissed and sat back, then made a mental note to make the suit more comfortable with future upgrades. Really. Why hadn't he done that before?  _And_ he would build in an aspirin dispenser.

Steve walked to him, shining shield in hand. "You don't look so great, Tony."

"Again, thanks. Your concern is touching."

"I'm being serious." He sat on his heels in front of the billionaire and Tony couldn't help but flinch back. He didn't really want to be close to anybody right now. And when the captain reached in to check on him, Tony flinched again, but more obviously this time.

"Tony..."

Bruce walked over.  _Great_ , thought Tony. He didn't need a  _doctor_  - even if Bruce wasn't really  _that_  kind of doctor. Still.

"Is something wrong?" Bruce asked, although he didn't invade his personal space like Thor-Junior here was. Bruce knew him better than that and Tony was suddenly, overwhelmingly grateful.

The inventor managed a smile at his friend, humorless though it was. "Just fine, Brucie, I was just checking if something hadn't exploded in my brain recently. Although clearly something  _has_  because ow,  _dammit_!" He gritted his teeth and leaned over as he clutched his head.

Now his friend  _did_ move forward, as Steve got out of the way, although he lingered.

"What the hell is  _wrong with me_?!" Tony yelled to the floor beneath his feet.

"You really want us to answer that?" Barton called from the front.

Tony suddenly didn't have the strength to answer. He could only breathe. But why was  _breathing_  suddenly so difficult. He felt as though he were suffocating, even with air surrounding him. The voices of his friends faded, their distant murmuring sounding as though coming from beneath water. He tried to blink the effect away, but it wasn't working. Nothing was working. And why was he suddenly so afraid?

Something loud popped in his head as Tony fell unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you're probably very confused now. Don't worry, it's not you. Not sure how many more chapters this will go, but two more at least.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any continuing confusion you might have even after this chapter. :P This chapter was so hard to write for some reason. Ugh.
> 
> Thank you all for continuing to read and review my story! You guys really keep me going. ^u^

He didn't need this - Tony  _really_  didn't need this right now. And why the hell was it so  _dark_  suddenly? The air was stale, cold, like a cave that hadn't seen the light of day in over a millenium.

Well. At least he'd found his breath, even if the air wasn't really worth breathing.

A sudden spike of panic shot straight to his stomach when he heard something shuffling about in the dark, and then...was that a whimper?

"What the hell," Tony said out loud, somehow not caring about quieting his voice. He suddenly couldn't  _care_  about that, about  _anything_ , because  _I'm fucking tired of all this shit that keeps happening..._  Why was it always _him_  that it kept happening to?

His words apparently stirred whatever was in there with him because the shuffling continued, followed by more whimpers - sounding more desperate, this time.

"Who's there?" he asked again.

" _No, no, no, no..._ " someone whispered with frantic voice.

Tony tried to squint in the dark. Stupid. There wasn't a single light in here except...there  _was_  a light, on the ceiling. A small one, red and too dim to illuminate anything in the seemingly tiny room.

While his instincts told him to be scared, he simply couldn't conjure that emotion when whoever else was in there seemed far more frightened of him. Or maybe there was something  _else_  to be afraid of in here?

"Who are you?" tried Tony again. "And I really don't want to repeat myself-"

"Please, I'm sorry. I don't- I didn't-" The man - it was obviously a man - trailed off in a hoarse whisper. But the voice was familiar. Could it be..? Of course it couldn't.  _Can't be..._

"Um. Are you Loki?" Tony asked lamely. Another whimper followed, along with some more shuffling, which was now joined by the sound of clanking chains.

Tony wondered if he should try finding Loki - if it was Loki - by feeling around the room, but... No, that would be a bad idea. He still remembered the  _last_  time he had tried to touch the god. Bad idea. Really bad idea. Still, what the hell was going on? He needed answers, at least.

"So, uh..." the billionaire began, "Are you okay?" Lame, lame, but his mind felt sluggish, like he'd just woken up and hadn't yet had his coffee. Coffee was essential in functioning properly, after all.

He next said the first thing that popped into his head; because weren't those the most important things? - "Where's Thor?" Tony asked. An outburst of frantic movement followed, of Loki scrambling across the floor - so probably not. "Hey, hey! Calm down," Tony tried in a soothing tone, but Loki continued to shuffle along the floor as he made noises of distress. Tony sighed.  _This again_ , he thought,  _and after all the progress we made._ Well, not  _that_  much progress, but hadn't Loki been attempting to defend him when big brother was trying to rip off Tony's head?

Then, with trembling, desperate voice, Loki begged, "P-please...please let me out. I didn't mean to- I don't know what happened. I...I don't understand what-  _please_  don't leave me in here again. I-I was confused, I had...I had a dream, but it wasn't..." Loki's breath hitched as he whimpered softly, "...but it wasn't real, wasn't true.  _He_ wasn't..." He trailed off again, and for a long moment, nothing was said. Then, in barely a whisper, he added, "None of it was real."

For some reason, Tony thought his heart my beat straight out of his ribcage. He didn't really understand what Loki was saying, except that, for whatever reason, Tony suddenly wanted to cry his eyes out. Loki sounded so _resigned_ , like he'd died and there was nothing else left to do.

_Well fuck that._

"You think I'm him," Tony stated with a flat voice. "You think I'm  _him_ , the other me. Right?" He took a step closer to where he thought Loki was, he didn't know why it mattered. "Well, you're  _wrong_. I'm not him and I'll be  _damned_  if you mistake me for him again. So shut up about all this  _not real_  crap; we're real -  _I'm_ real, so stop  _moping_  and tell me what the hell is going on!" He heard Loki's breath hitch, followed by a faint whimper. He felt bad for yelling almost instantly, but he really did want - no,  _need_  answers right now.

Again, there was a prolonged silence. Only Tony's harsh breathing filled the darkness and suddenly an irrational thought that they might run out of air crossed his mind. He stamped it out as quickly as possible.  _Stay focused, it's just_ dark _in here. Nothing else. There's nothing else. Just me and the mischief god, hangin' out. No problem. We're fine._

Too bad he didn't believe it.

Then finally, Loki spoke up. "You..." he began, voice a little louder, "you're different again."

"Yeah, baby brother, I'm different again. I'm  _me_  not that asshole  _sick fuck_  that apparently keeps messing with you. Now,  _where the hell are we_?"

A short pause past before Loki answered, his voice slightly steadier. "In...in your basement. In my cell."

 _The hell?_  "Uh, what?"

"You... _he_  put me in here. I-I don't understand; how are you here? C-can you let me- us out?" It was small, barely above notice, but the hope in Loki's voice made Tony somehow feel worse.

"No. I don't think... I don't even understand what the hell is going on. I was with the Avengers-"

"Th-The Avengers?"

"Yeah. We were looking for you - for you and your brother."

The sudden sound of metal grating on metal reverberated through the walls, and Tony couldn't help but back himself into a nearby corner when a bright light filtered through a slowly opening door. Tony's heart nearly stopped altogether when he saw who it was.

X - X

"What. the.  _fuck_?"

A bright light blinked on overhead and Tony had to shield his eyes, although he absolutely  _refused_  to take his eyes off the man standing in the open doorway.

It was him.  _Him._   _Himself_. Tony-fucking-Stark. Genius, billionaire, playboy, fucking evil psychopath - because who else would it be but the one who'd scared Loki so much? Yeah.  _That was him._  And...he looked at Tony, suddenly, and Tony felt the blood drain from his head. It was Tony Stark - but it  _wasn't_. How was this even possible?

Loki tried to scramble away, the chain of his leash clanging about, but he was already so far into his own corner, it was pointless. He just kept whispering the word  _'No'_ , over and over and over and suddenly Tony couldn't take it anymore. He glared at the other Stark.  _I'm gonna gut this motherfucker._

But that was impossible, because he was chained up. Chained, oh so suddenly and conveniently, to the wall, the metal links wrapped over his body. "What the hell?" he whispered, looking down.

Other Stark smiled at him. "Comfortable?" he asked in a friendly tone.

Tony smiled back with teeth. "I'd say: go to hell, but I get the feeling we're already there."

"True enough," the other responded as he walked casually over to the cowering god.

"No, no, no-" Loki continued to whisper.

"Shut up," other Stark ordered quietly. The trickster clamped his teeth shut and didn't make a sound.

Tony rolled his eyes at the other. "You know if you tell me to shut up I'll just...ignore you." He almost said:  _I'll just tell you to go fuck yourself_ , but that just...sounded too weird to say right now.

"Then I won't tell you to shut up," Stark answered easily.

"Cute," mumbled Tony.

Other Stark slowly crouched next to Loki, eyes steady and staring.

 _What a creep_ , thought Tony. "You know..." Tony drawled, "I am so better looking than you. Like, by a long shot."  _Come on, you fucking psycho, look at me. Look at_ me. He didn't want whatever that  _thing_  was anywhere near Loki right now. He didn't know why. Except he  _did._  He didn't want it to go there -  _couldn't_  let it go there. Loki was already too damaged. This was enough. This was where it had to end.

_Look at me._

"You know I  _love_ what you've done with the place," Tony continued. "Looks a little like my basement in my tower." The other ignored him as he continued staring at Loki. "So did you forget how to talk or are you abandoning the 'genius' part of copying me? Nothing at all?" Tony quietly tried to test the chains surrounding his upper body but nothing would budge.  _Don't panic. Everything's fine._ "What, are words too hard now? Hey, you hear me, you sick fuck?"  _Shit. He's not listening._

Then, slowly,  _way_ too slowly, the other Stark turned his smiling face toward Tony. His teeth seemed too wide, too  _white_ , even, and Tony couldn't help but  _cringe_  because it suddenly didn't look like  _him_  anymore - it was something  _else_. He felt a shiver run through him.

The thing opened its mouth for a moment, then said,  _"Shall we play again?"_

Tony didn't have time to even  _form_  words in his mind, much less speak, because the thing was attacking Loki, pulling him away from his refuge against the wall and dragging him to the center of the room, the god kicking and screaming with everything in him even across the short distance.

" _No! NO!_ " Loki screamed with feral abandon as the false-Stark wrestled him to the ground with an eerily nonchalant expression. It was strange, with the way Loki was fighting, if the other Stark had been human, he'd have easily been dead by now. But Loki's attempts were doing nothing, his normally bone-breaking strikes against the other only serving to show how ineffectual the god's attempts were. At another time, Tony might have contemplated how Loki  _was even trying_  to fight back now, because  _t_ _hat_  was different.

Tony tried to speak but he could barely breathe and his mind was a scrambled mess and-  _just do something!_  His mind screamed at him, at Loki, at  _somebody_ , anybody to  _do something._

Loki tried to kick at the other's chest, get him away somehow, but, against all logic - and the laws of the universe as Tony knew them - Stark remained, as if he were a wall, unmovable against all efforts.  _What the fuck is happening?_  It was impossible. Even Thor himself had to obey the laws of physics; he might not be hurt by simple kinetic force, but he at least _moved_  when somebody - especially of Loki's strength - kicked at him. Something wasn't right.

"Hey!" Tony suddenly found his voice, but what was he to say?

Seeming to not hear him, the thing wearing Tony's face continued to bear down on the god. Then, in a very bad move, Loki turned over to try to run out the still-open door. The other stopped him, hands easily gripping his legs.

"No! Let me go!" Loki screeched as he was pushed face-first against the concrete.

"Shit-  _fuck_ ," Tony murmured unconsciously. Was this...was this really  _happening?_  It suddenly seemed too unreal, too outrageous. He knew what Loki had endured, of course, but it still seemed fake somehow, like a horrible fairy tale - someone's idea of a sick joke that just  _had_  to feature Tony as the bad guy. But  _this.._. This couldn't happen, this couldn't  _be real._

"H-hey." Tony's voice pitched higher as he began to feel light-headed.  _Oh fuck, this can't be happening. No no._  "Hey, leave him alone." His voice sounded feeble and downright  _stupid_  right now.

The other Stark ignored him and pushed Loki down with an arm across his back as the god gasped and struggled. It was as if Thor's hammer were suddenly weighing down the trickster god.

A strange sound filtered through the corridor outside the still-open doorway. Then, in a most spectacular display of ridiculous dramatics, Mjolnir flew into the room and struck the other Stark across the head. He yelled and stumbled off of Loki, then hissed as he staggered to his feet.

" _You_  again?!" Doppelganger-Stark hissed as he turned to the door.

Thor and his overly-animate cape came rushing through the door with hammer in hand.

"Holy fuck," stammered Tony. "Oh thank God..." He sighed and lowered his head, relief flooding through him. "Shut up, not talking about you," he breathed when the god's eyes roved the room. Thor always did have impeccable timing.

"Loki!" The thunder god rushed to his brother but took the time to throw his hammer at the false-Stark. Unfortunately, the imposter had somehow disappeared and the hammer flew straight through him and embedded itself into the concrete wall, cracking it.

"What the..." Tony blinked furiously, wondering if he had suddenly developed an odd blind spot. Wouldn't be surprising; there should be only one Tony Stark in the universe. It was practically sacrilege to have  _two_. Maybe he was just insane. No. Then why did they see the other Stark, too? Maybe it was like folie à trois or something?

"Brother," Loki whimpered as his elder brother knelt next to him.

"Are...are you hurt? Did he..."

They both knew what he was asking. Loki, even as distressed as he was, shook his head adamantly. Thor visibly sagged, then grabbed his brother in a - probably bruising - bear hug.

"I should have come sooner," Thor murmured into Loki's hair. "But I could not find you. I panicked. I knew that  _thing_  would try to hurt you again - but I found you, I  _sensed_  you." He kissed his little brother's hair and pulled back to look into his face. "Are you  _alright_?"

A long moment past and Loki didn't answer, his eyes darting back and forth between Thor's blue orbs. What else was Thor expecting? The thunder god pulled the other closer to him, apparently understanding.

"Um."  _Well, nice of you two to forget about me_ , Tony mused. "Any time now, Hammer Time. The  _chains_? Hello..?"

But it wasn't necessary because suddenly he was free, and it was so bright, too bright to see. Then everything went dark. The air had changed,  _everything_  had changed. He could tell.

Tony sighed.  _So what the hell is it now..._

* * *

"...Need a sense of continuity, in order to feel safe in these difficult times."

Loki stopped, blinked frantically, then realized it had been  _himself_  speaking. He was suddenly and inexplicably  _standing_  and he felt disoriented for it; he nearly stumbled. And what had he been saying? He looked around. And where was he? He looked to his hand:  _Gungnir_. The golden spear of Odin All-father rested in a tight grip in his hand, and... He looked around a second time.  _The throne room?_  Loki blinked furiously again, wondering if his eyes deceived him. Everything was  _so bright_.

"Loki?"

Loki's eyes jumped forward, then fell on Sif, who was standing at the base of the throne along with the Warriors Three. What the Hel was happening? How did he get to the throne room - how did he get to  _Asgard_? And...why was he walking down from the throne, and when had he donned his armor? He strained to look down at himself. The gold around his ribs suddenly felt so constricting, especially with his breath quickening by the second. The helmet on his head felt as though it would crush him any moment.

"My king?" A guard to his right had approached, his eyes confused but with a hint of concern.

The prince -  _or_   _king_? - blinked at the man, not comprehending anything that was happening. So, Loki asked directly: "What is happening?" He didn't bother hiding his bewilderment and distress.

"Your Majesty?" The guard asked, clearly not understanding.

Sif took a step closer as she scrutinized him. "Loki, what is going on?" she asked, her tone confused but slightly accusatory, as if Loki was  _acting_  in some fashion.

"Sif?" Loki stared at her with wide eyes. The first words that came to mind were: "Where...where is Thor?"

"Thor?" the shield-maiden narrowed her eyes, bemused. "He is on Midgard, still banished, of course. We came to request that you end his banishment and-"

"Banishment..." Loki murmured under his breath.  _Banishment. But that was years ago._

"Yes. We ask that you end Thor's banishment and-"

"How did I get here, Sif?" Loki interrupted with quiet desperation. He might have cared that he looked equal parts mad and terrified, but he couldn't even begin to care. Nothing was making sense.

"Are you alright, lad?" Volstagg took a step forward, as did the other two Warriors.

"You don't look so well," said Sif with some concern.

Abruptly, Loki found Gungnir's cold metal in his hand too much to bear because  _he remembered_ , he remembered when this was, that this had already happened, except it was so different last time, wasn't it? Sif and the Warriors Three had said different things,  _he_  had said different things. He'd dismissed their request and sent them on their way, and they... They had betrayed him, committed treason. But...that was a long time ago, or at least it seemed so now.

Loki looked around, frantic. Was this a dream?

"Your Majesty!" The same guard rushed toward him as his gaze jumped to the fallen spear, then to the trickster. "Is anything the matter?" A second guard approached from Loki's other side; he too looked on with concern, but also curiosity.

"How did I get here?!" Loki yelled with mounting fear and frustration. Hadn't he been with... "Stark," Loki whispered. The guards and the Warriors frowned.

"What?" asked Sif.

"Stark!" Loki rushed down the steps to the four, a desperate plea ready on his tongue. "Where is Stark- where is my brother?!" He looked at them each in turn but they didn't understand.

"Stark? Who is Stark?" asked Fandral.

Loki suddenly gripped his head tightly.  _How did I get here?!_  "Where are they? Why am I here?!" he hissed under his breath.

 _"He's gone mad,"_  he heard someone murmur in front of him. He didn't care. He was wondering the same thing.

 _"What should we do?"_  asked someone else.

The trickster continued to grip his head, suddenly unable to look up or around him, afraid he would see something... He didn't know what, just that it would probably be horrible.

 _"I don't know,"_  spoke another - behind him, this time.  _"Perhaps his brother's banishment weighs more heavily on him than it first appeared."_

_"Perhaps, but what should we do about it?"_

Breathing harshly but steadily, in and out, Loki slowly lifted his head, even as he feared to. Sif and the Warriors Three stood before him, suddenly too close for comfort, eyes wide and staring.

"W-what are you doing?" Loki asked in a timid voice. He wanted to shrink back but he couldn't.

The war goddess tilted her head. "You're not well, are you, Loki?" It was more a statement than anything else.

Volstagg nodded. "Aye, not well at all. You should lie down." Loki shook his head, desperate suddenly to not do as they said.

"You truly  _should_ lie down," said Fandral, voice patronizing. "It's been such a long day. Wouldn't you like to lie down?" Hogun nodded beside him, his face as grim as ever but somehow so much more sinister.

And suddenly they weren't in the throne room anymore, they were in the dungeons. They were in a room Loki had only heard tales about in his youth, they'd  _all_  heard tales about it, and his big brother had been the one to tell him first - a room Asgard had once used to punish prisoners and traitors, a room reserved only for the worst. But...it was only a tale. Not real. Thor had said so, finally, when Loki had begun having nightmares and Mother had scolded the young thunder god, forcing him to apologize to his younger brother for the falsehoods he'd planted in his gullible mind. Loki had learned not to believe others so readily after that.

 _This isn't real, it isn't real,_ Loki reminded himself. He hugged himself and realized he was no longer in his armor, but instead in threadbare clothing barely fit for a cur. His helmet, too, had disappeared, and he was barefoot. He looked to the four standing around him.

"This is where you belong," Hogun murmured, staring at him.

"Oh yes," sung Fandral. "Don't you remember, Loki? Don't you remember this place?"

"No," Loki whispered. "No...no, I've never been here before. Why have you brought me here?" His voice shook terribly as he looked pleadingly to the others. "Please. Please, I'm sorry. I'll bring Thor back, I promise. I didn't mean-"

"You didn't mean," Fandral interrupted in a drawl.

"You've been a naughty boy," Sif tisked. "And isn't this where naughty boys are brought?"

Loki looked around. There was a wooden table nearby, bloodied and filled with splinters. Chains hung from every wall and the ceiling, along with several gibbets with rotting corpses still hanging in them. A rack in one corner, a wheel and also an iron maiden, he didn't even want to identify the rest. The floor was sticky under his toes and he couldn't bring himself to even look down, fearful as he was.

"No,  _please_ ," Loki pleaded, tears welling in his eyes. "I didn't- I wasn't trying to-"

"Wasn't trying to what?" Volstagg stepped forward, as did the other three. "You killed Thor."

"No!" Loki cried out. "H-he's not dead, I saw him come back.  _He came back._  Please tell me he came back,  _please..._ "

The others stared at him, so close now, too close. Loki wanted to shrink into himself; disappear. "No," they said in unison. "Thor is dead." Sif stepped closer until she was nearly touching him. "You killed him."

Shaking his head wildly, Loki burst into tears as he hid his face in his hands. He knew it wasn't true, it  _couldn't_  be. He remembered what had happened that day on Midgard, Thor had  _lived_. He had come back and then-

Suddenly there was a bright light, so blinding Loki continued to hide his face, but he couldn't move, his entire being was frozen as if paralyzed.

"...I will not fight you, brother!" Thor shouted.

"I'm not your brother. I never-" Loki stopped himself. What was he  _saying_?

He was stood in Heimdall's Observatory, the arcs of energy above were frozen with the power of the Casket of Ancient Winters, and...and Thor was in front of him. He looked...angry. But also  _alive_.

Loki had the urge to run to him, to embrace him and  _see_  for himself that he was alright, that he was whole and hale and  _here_ , with him.  _See?_  he wanted to say. See? He hadn't killed him. But Sif and the others had disappeared and Loki was inexplicably armored again, and Gungnir was once again in his hand.

_What in all the Nine Realms is happening?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're all wondering the same thing, Loki, we're all wondering the same thing. We'll likely see what's going on with this insanity next chapter (or the one after if the next chapter gets long).


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, everyone. Here I am! The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I've been trying to finish up the rest of the series before I posted another chapter, but it was taking me too long so I just figured I'd go ahead and post this one and hope I'll be able to finish the rest before we all die of old age.

"Brother, you're alive," Loki whispered as he felt tears of joy filling his eyes. Here at least was something,  _finally_ , good.

Thor narrowed his eyes at him. "What is wrong with you? First you try to kill me, and now you are glad I am alive? You  _have_  gone mad."

Loki blinked twice, somewhat hurt. "I... Perhaps I have, but-"

"Silence your tongue, serpent," Thor seethed as he held his hammer aloft, as if ready to strike. "I'll not listen to your lies any longer."

"But, Thor," a fleeting, fragile smile formed as he tried to step closer, "I...I've changed." He scrambled for words, was  _sure_  that he could salvage this, change what had happened here before. "I-I-I'm sorry for what I've done. I am  _truly_  sorry, but-"

A sharp, stinging jolt to his head sent Loki flying against the wall of the Observatory as Thor yelled: " _Lies!_ "

Gungnir flew from his grasp as he saw Mjolnir fly back to Thor. Loki's head hit the wall but his helmet cushioned most of the blow, fortunately.

"I'm  _done_  with you, trickster," Thor advanced on him, hammer humming with power.

"No, Thor, wait." He tried to back away, but the thunderer reached him easily and threw him across the room. Sliding across the floor, Loki quickly righted himself but didn't stand. "Thor, you have to  _listen_."

Mjolnir flew at his head as he felt his horned helmet fly off, the sound of its metal clattering across the polished floor. Startled, and suddenly afraid of Thor's livid  _fierceness_ , Loki scrambled to get to Gungnir to defend himself. But Thor beat him to it. He kicked the spear away, across the Bifrost bridge and out of reach.

"Brother, please," Loki tried, but Thor didn't seem to be listening as he glared down at him.

"I'll rip you in  _half_ ," said Thor suddenly, viciously, and the way he said it filled Loki with such a terror that he jumped up and ran for the bridge - not to get Gungnir, he couldn't even begin to imagine defending himself against Thor right now, but to simply  _get away_. Thor was so incensed that he'd lost all reason, and Loki wasn't about to find out what he'd do to him.

Unfortunately for Loki, Mjolnir struck him across the back before he reached the doorway. Falling and rolling, he scrambled to turn over and try again for the door, but it was so pointless, Thor could  _fly_. And suddenly, for a brief moment, Loki considered that he could simply jump off the bridge and into the water, but...

 _No. No. I can't go there again. I_ can't. _I don't want to go there. Thor is here. Home is here._  He could never take the darkness again.

The thunder god struck him across the face with a fist as Loki tried to back away, but suddenly found himself pinned to the bridge beneath Thor's bulk, the elder god's hands around his throat.

"These are your last moments, little trickster," growled Thor, face shadowed by his hair.

Loki coughed and tried to pry the too-strong hands off, but of course it was useless. Thor continued to strangle him for some time, but a moment later he struck him across the head with Mjolnir. Head swimming and eyes heavy, Loki could do nothing but lay there and hope it would be a quick death.

It was not to be.

Thor discarded his hammer and hit Loki with his fists, again and again and again, until he could feel blood pouring down his face, his bones crunching beneath unveiled savagery as his head twisted to the side time and again. Thor next grabbed him by the back of his hair, forcing him to look up, but Loki felt unconsciousness draping over him and he could barely see.

 _"You have no one left,"_  murmured Thor in his ear. _"You're all alone. This is the end."_ Tears fell from Loki's eyes and he couldn't bear to even try looking at the other. He wanted to say he was sorry again, he wanted to make everything better, or...

He wanted to forgive Thor. He didn't want him to someday look back with sorrow and regret and guilt, because Loki truly did deserve this. He'd brought this on himself with his cowardice and his lies, his envy and spitefulness. Thor was doing the right thing. This was  _justice_. So Loki wanted to forgive Thor; wanted to tell him it was  _alright_ , that he understood.

So he did.

"It's alright, brother," Loki whispered hoarsely as he looked to Thor, although one of his eyes abruptly blotted out, likely due to his injuries. He felt afraid, but also calm. It would all be over soon, and Thor would  _live_ ; that was all that mattered.

Thor narrowed his eyes in confusion. Then, somehow, all traces of anger and disgust disappeared from the thunderer's face and he  _smiled_. It was a mocking and hollow smile, though.

 _"Damn,"_  he said, shaking his head in apparent amusement.  _"Worth a try."_

Everything went white.

X - X

The gold of the Observatory was suddenly replaced by gray stone and swinging chains. Loki's eyes took time to adjust, but he realized he was surrounded by Sif and the Warriors Three once again.

"What-?" he mumbled, but was startled to find he was shackled to a wooden table. He couldn't look down at himself for the metal around his neck, but he sensed his torso was naked, his back sticky with whatever was left on the wood. "W-what are you doing?" his words trembled and he wondered where Thor had gone. "Brother?" He tried to look around.

"Your brother is gone; haven't we told you?" Fandral said, amused.

"What are you going to do to me?" Loki asked with mounting fear.

"Just this," Sif held up a long, jagged knife and presented it with a sly smirk.  _"Don't you want to play?"_  It didn't sound like Sif, suddenly.

"N-no..."  _Get away from me_ , he wanted to say, but his mouth was so dry and he couldn't move his tongue, he couldn't move  _anything_.

"Fandral," Sif looked to the Warrior and said in a nonchalant tone, "did you want to try the pear?"

"Of course, my lady," he responded, "but I think I'll stick something else up there before we get to that, hm?"

Sif smiled, wicked and so unlike her. Volstagg laughed and so did Fandral, but there was no cheer there, only a dark glee. "Of course," said Sif, "Of course..." She looked to Loki, eyes alight.  _"We'll have such fun."_

Loki screamed.

* * *

Tony hid behind another pillar as a second patrol passed by. Although he didn't know how he knew, he knew he was in Asgard. There was something about the atmosphere, the armor, the way the light shone off the golden architecture.  _Oh yeah, Far, Far Away Land here._

At the next bend in the corridor, he heard numerous boots making their way toward him. Asgard's soldiers, he guessed. The number of patrols, however, were lessening as he moved further down. He didn't exactly know why, but the way  _down_  seemed the right direction to go. He didn't know what was down there, but that was his destination.

He quickly hid behind a pillar as the patrol passed, none the wiser to the human intruder. He held his breath as the sounds of their footsteps died down, and he made his way toward the narrow steps at the end of the long corridor. The spiral stairs went down for far longer than he had anticipated, and he desperately hoped no one would find him - from either direction.

The air was getting colder, and the torchlight dimmer. The golden hue of the previous halls slunk away into the shadows, replaced by ominous grey stone and crumbling architecture.  _Am I still in Asgard?_  wondered Tony. He was suddenly unsure if going down was still the best course of action, until he heard a scream. The billionaire froze in his half-step, the spine-tingling sound echoing up from below.  _What- who was that?_  He knew the answer immediately, and it turned his stomach to realize why: he'd heard it so many times before.

* * *

"No, no, no, no-  _please_  no-" Loki screamed again when another sharp metal point was jabbed into his forearm. He choked on a sob when Sif presented another of the metal spikes to him, as if to make certain he  _saw_ before she used it on him. "Sif, please, I told you Thor is aliv- _aah!_ " Another metal piece was shoved into his body, although he hurt so much everywhere it was hard to know just  _where_  he had been stabbed. He gasped for air and cried again, wishing everything to be over. Why wouldn't they just  _kill_ him? Didn't he deserve death? Why were they torturing him so?

 _Because you deserve a worse fate,_  said a voice. Loki shook his head desperately, not wanting to believe.  _You know it's true_ , it continued.

 _I've suffered enough_ , Loki countered. He was startled by his thoughts but they felt so  _true_  suddenly, and he somehow knew that's what Thor would say, what the others - the mortals, would say.

 _"Be silent,"_  Sif ordered through clenched teeth.  _"You deserve to suffer for the rest of eternity, little trickster."_

Loki blinked at her through his sweat.  _Had I said that out loud?_  He didn't remember opening his mouth.

Fandral walked over, smiling from ear to ear. "My turn."

Sif glared at Loki for a moment, then shrugged and smirked. "He's all yours."

"Thank you, my lady," the swordsman bowed low in a mocking gesture, then walked to Loki. "So,  _my king_ , what shall we play, hm?" The Dashing Warrior held up a strange looking device, shaped oddly like a pear. "Do you know what this is?" he asked as he twirled it around. "No? I'll show you soon enough, but  _first_ , it's probably best to  _stretch_  you a bit. That device is just so painful - it would be a shame if you lost consciousness too soon." He laughed and the others joined him.

Loki didn't understand. His mind was too jumbled with pain to realize what the Warrior was implying, and he only managed a groan as he dared not look at the others. Why were they  _doing_  this? He couldn't conjure a sufficient answer. They'd never liked him very much, he knew, but was there so much animosity that they'd do  _this_? Despite being lost in his thoughts, a distinctive sound, the sound of something  _zipping_  made the trickster's muscles tense up, made him open his eyes wide and turn to the blonde warrior.

The wide, sinister smile of Fandral loomed over him and Loki suddenly understood what was about to happen. But...but of course it was. What else was there to do to him but  _violate_  him further? Loki shook his head but said nothing. He clenched his jaw and refused to look away from the man.

 _"Aren't you afraid, trickster?"_  asked Fandral, but his voice was different, even his cadence had changed.

Although he had to force himself to relax his jaw, Loki answered, "Y-yes. Of course I am."

_"Then why do you stare at me so defiantly?"_

Was he? He hadn't realized. The pain and fear was overwhelming, so how could his face do anything but reflect that?

_"Answer me..."_

Loki shook his head, didn't know why he was suddenly being so stubborn.

The figure before him moved closer.  _"Answer. Me."_

Still, Loki refused.

Suddenly one of the knives still stuck in his body was pulled out and he screamed- sharp and short, but he continued to stare at the other, he couldn't stop. Another was pulled out and he cried, but he still couldn't look away.

Fandral growled and threw the knives to the ground, then moved toward Loki's feet. Although he was no longer able to see him with the metal around his neck holding him down, Loki still said nothing as he stared at the ceiling.

"Just take him already, Fandral," said Volstagg. "I'm bored and I want my turn."

 _"Silence!"_  hissed Fandral, and, amazingly, the other Warrior quieted. What was that about? And when did Fandral start ordering his friends around?  _"He's so pathetic,"_ he continued to seethe.  _"A pathetic sack of meat that should be stripped of everything- everything!"_  Loki wondered what he'd ever done to Fandral to elicit such anger.

The others remained silent as Fandral continued to grumble under his breath. Then suddenly he was rushing toward Loki as he leaned over him, his arms flanking his head. The prince flinched but had nowhere to go. He continued staring at the Warrior.

 _"Admit it, Loki,"_  Fandral hissed.  _"You're nothing. No one."_

His lips trembled, but Loki responded with, "No." He paused a moment, then said again: " _No._ "  _What am I doing?_  thought Loki. He'd surely lost his mind.

Fandral screeched angrily, grabbed something metal, then jabbed it harshly into Loki's chest. Too startled, Loki didn't know what had happened at first, but when he realized that his lung had been pierced, he tried to inhale but was unable. Panic gripping him, he coughed and sputtered blood as he tried desperately to draw in air.

 _"You're nothing!"_  screamed Fandral, but it wasn't until a few moments later that Loki realized the other Warriors had screamed along with him, and just as angrily. Again, they screeched in unison:  _"You deserved it - all of it!"_

He didn't understand what was happening, but it didn't matter. He was choking on his own blood and he wasn't certain how long his magic could keep him alive. Apparently he'd been wrong: they  _did_  mean to kill him. It didn't seem to have been their original intention, though.

Loki looked about desperately and tried to set himself free again, but the restraints were too strong and he was too injured and exhausted otherwise. He wanted to beg them to set him free, to take him to a healer, that  _surely_  Thor would not wish him dead... Or did he? Wait, was Thor dead or not? He remembered Thor on the Bifrost, angry and trying to kill him - but weren't the Warriors angry because Thor was dead? It was all so confusing. He didn't know what was up or down, was no longer certain where he was or even  _who_  these people were. They were his captors, his tormentors, but he'd known them most of his life; why would they hurt him so? And-and he had a brother... Why would these Warriors kill him for not killing his brother? No, wait. He didn't think that was right. Was that right?

Coughing desperately now, Loki felt the darkness closing in on him.

_No...no. I don't...don't like the dark. Go away._

Everything hurt so much and his lungs weren't doing what they were supposed to.

But then, he heard a voice. Different and distant.

* * *

"You know I'm kind of getting tired of saying  _what the fuck_  all the time."

If he was honest with himself, he really hadn't been expecting to walk into a room that was the living embodiment of torture porn. Well. However much a room could be "living". With this crazy place - who knew?

Three men and one woman stood around Loki -  _and holy shit what happened to him_ \- who was strapped to an obvious torture-table. Tony wanted to be surprised at that, but really, what else should he expect after all he'd seen?

"Hiya, fellas. And lady." He smiled at them as he casually walked forward. "Say, I'm looking for the bathroom. Kinda got lost, you know how it is. One second you're in Disney Land that Midas went a little crazy with, and the next you're in..." he looked around and pursed his lips as he put his hands in his pockets. "Well. Ya'know."

The woman walked angrily toward him with wide strides.  _Whoa, hello._

"Get out," she hissed into his face.

Tony leaned back a little as he refused to look afraid. She was clearly a warrior, and clearly very  _pissed_  - and very  _tall_  - but he didn't care. This was all...so weird. And maybe not real? He was one place one second and another place the next. He wasn't sure, honestly.

"Boy you're hot. I mean, that's just an expression, I'm not calling you a 'boy' that would just be awkward, but seriously," he used his hands to form a frame with his fingers in front of her face, "Yeah, hot."

She growled at him. " _Mortal_ , leave this place or I  _paint the walls with your blood_."

Tony lifted his eyebrows. "Wow. That's unnecessarily hostile. Look: was it the 'hot' bit? You should really be flattered-"

Grabbing him by the throat, she lifted him off his feet. "Did you not hear me, mortal?!"

"Sif..." said a feeble, barely audible voice from nearby. Was that...Loki? "Sif, please."

Looking behind her, Sif smiled and calmly said:  _"Asking for favors, little trickster?"_  Although it was difficult to see through the haze of being strangled, Tony couldn't help but think there was something kind of different about the woman suddenly.  _"Do you_ care _for this mortal now? How perverse."_

Loki coughed, and from this angle Tony could see that the poor guy was likely in the same predicament as him - he seemed to be choking on his own blood. It was amazing he could speak at all. Of course, who knew what it took to  _truly_  kill one of them? Loki was almost ridiculously resilient. Tony desperately hoped it would hold true.

Again, Loki coughed, before saying, "He-he is not the one you," he inhaled shakily, painfully, "you want. L-Let him..." his voice trailed off as his eyes closed.

Still smiling, and without even looking at Tony, Sif abruptly let go of Tony as she walked briskly toward her prisoner.  _"Trying to give orders now, are you?"_

Tony coughed and inhaled desperately. How many times would this happen? What, would his doppelganger pop up next and continue with this creep show?

"N-no, I-"

 _"Because you have_ nothing _to bargain with, trickster."_ She leaned down slowly, closer to him.  _"Here you will spend eternity, at_ my _mercy, to play with as I see fit until you're mad or dead or... Or perhaps I'll not let you die. Yes, I'll_ keep you _forever and we'll have our fun, won't we?"_

Loki seemed to be losing whatever internal battle he was clearly having as he whimpered a soft, "No..."

 _"Yes,"_  she continued.  _"There's no escape. You're_ mine _and nothing will change that. Not your brother, not_ him _, not anyone. You're alone, all alone."_

"No, no, no, no," Loki continued to whisper in desperation.

Lifting himself from the floor, Tony coughed first, then said, "This is  _fucked up._ " He half-coughed a breathy laugh and smiled at them. "Are you seriously listening to this?" he pointed as he regarded the others, who glared at him. "Hey, Loki." The trickster stirred as his eyes fluttered. "Hey- you hearin' me? This place isn't fucking  _real_ , so don't listen to this shit she's feeding you-"

 _"Be silent!"_  a blonde man with short hair hissed at Tony.

"Uh... yeah no, I don't think so." Although he knew they could attack him at any moment, Tony continued as he ignored them. "Are you  _hearing me_ , Loki? This place is all  _fake_  - some kinda fucking illusion or whatever you types wanna call it. It's not real,  _any of it_."

The blonde man screamed in anger and barreled toward Tony - to which Tony had no choice but to attempt to shield himself with his arms - because what the fuck could he do against an Asgardian when he didn't have his armor? But when the man was all but a breath away, he stopped. Daring to peak from behind his arm-shield, Tony found the man barely an inch from his face, his anger having not abated even though he'd stopped.

"Uhh... hi?" stammered Tony. "H-how you doing?"

 _What the fuck is this?_  ... _Aw, hell. I said it again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally planning on just this chapter and another, but it's turning out to be a bit longer. Maybe 3-4 chapters, I'm not sure. And worry not, I am determined to finish this story! It's just taking a while, and I thank everyone for their patience! You guys are the best. ^w^


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually updated this last week on fanfiction.net, but I completely forgot to update it here! Sorry about that, lol.
> 
> Here's chapter 22, finally. I'm really trying to finish this series up before I move onto the next, but the last chapter (which I've yet to write) is proving extremely difficult.

Even with how terribly _tired_ Loki was, and even when his eyelids felt like the weight of Mjolnir lay upon them, he managed to lift them when he heard Fandral give a battle-cry. He thought for sure that he would kill Tony, but instead he'd... stopped. Why did he not kill him? It would be so easy; the mortal was without his armor. Why did the Dashing Warrior stop?

For a while, nothing happened. Loki's body was attempting to heal itself, but he was at the end of his rope. It was becoming more and more difficult to even stay conscious much less maintain his magic. But as he tried his best to rest - while he had the reprieve, however short - his thoughts wandered back to what Tony had said. _'This place isn't fucking_ real _...this place is all_ fake _.'_ What did he mean?

Sif slowly leaned over him. _"So what do you think, little trickster? Would you like him to watch you die? Over and over, we can show him. Perhaps we'll play with you like he did, so he can see."_ At this she looked up to smile at the mortal, then leaned back down. _"He doesn't truly remember, does he? Like you. You're so much the same. We can show him- give him a_ demonstration _of what he did to you for so many months. Yes, we'll play with you. Would you like that, Loki?"_

Unable to even open his mouth, he could say nothing.

For what seemed like a long moment, no one said anything. Then, Tony finally spoke up and asked a very strange question, his voice distant and quieted: "Why do- what did he ever do to _you_?" 

It was barely even a second, but Loki noticed how Sif's brow furrowed ever so slightly before it was just as quickly replace with a fierce and _livid_ glare. Her face slowly, far too slowly, turned toward the mortal. Loki couldn't see Tony from his position, but he couldn't imagine he wouldn't feel the urge to step back from Sif's deathly stare. However, the fact that the mortal was apparently silenced told him the answer.

 _"Do you truly wish to know?"_ asked Sif, her voice even and calm as she continued to look at Tony. _"Do you believe you deserve to know?"_ She smirked. _"Very well then, you did lose a year of your life; fair is fair, as you mortals say."_ There was a long pause, where Loki could not help but hold his breath despite the agony it caused him. Then, she said in a steely voice: _"It is because he_ exists _."_

 _What?_ Loki wondered if he'd misheard, somehow.

 _"Because he is who he is. Because we_ loathe _him with everything in us. Because he is a stain on this universe and I would_ _happily erase him from existence."_ She paused, then backed away from Loki. _"But I cannot; so I will do the next best thing. I will make him_ suffer _, as he deserves."_

By the end of her tirade, Loki was crying. Not sobbing, as he so often did of late, but he felt the warm tears fall down his face. "Why?" he couldn't help but ask in a shaky croak. "Why would you hate me so? Who- what are you? I know you are not Sif. I know you are not my brother. I know you are not Tony Stark. So why- _why_ are you so angry with me? Tell me. Please, tell me. _Who are you?_ "

Through this, Sif had not even glanced at him. Then, she smiled. It was a small smile, and there was something strange about it. _"Alright."_ She turned her head to face him squarely. _"Alright."_

The whiteness came, blanketing and cold, changing the environment once again.

His breath, so suddenly, returned, and he was blinded, but for only a moment. When he opened his eyes he was - as many a time before - suddenly standing. He was not in his armor, or the tatters he had been wearing, but was, in fact, wearing his favorite outfit. But...perhaps no longer his favorite. He had been wearing it when he'd been told the truth by Odin about... about what he _truly_ was, an outsider and a monster. Was this choice of outfit meant to be a new torture, or a strange mercy? He couldn't decide as he looked around.

He was in Stark's home.

_No..._

Sif was standing before him, and to his side, Stark.

"No...no, please..." Loki whispered as he was paralyzed, his heart viciously beating in his chest. His eyes darted around everywhere as he fought to stay upright, fought the rising panic that threatened to engulf him.

The shieldmaiden smiled a little at him, then tilted her head. _"Oh, very well. It was just a bit of fun."_

Everything went white again for a moment, then just as quickly was replaced by the throne room in Asgard. Loki blinked furiously at it, wondering if where he'd been a moment before had been only in his mind or...

"Hey, what the hell? Who keeps changing the station?"

Stark. He still stood beside him, and he looked as confused and worried as the prince.

 _"And what about this?"_ Sif asked as she gestured to herself, her appearance suddenly morphing into another Stark look-alike. _"Do you like this?"_

"Oh fuck no," murmured Tony.

The other Stark laughed and again shifted appearances, this time into Fandral, then a second later into Odin. _"What would you prefer, boy?"_ the image of the All-father asked Loki with a smirk. _"Should I spoil you some before I take out your heart and play with it?"_

Although he tried not to, Loki cringed and shrunk back at hearing those words come from his father's lips. He knew it wasn't his father - not only literally, but... In either case he did not like it. He shook his head because he didn't know what else to do. He tried with everything in him not to hug himself, because what horrors could this false-Odin inflict on him in this new form? Loki dared not show more fear than he already felt.

 _"No?"_ chuckled Odin. _"Then what about this?"_ With one sweep of arms, the space before them - where Odin had been - burst with a violent outpouring of energy, _blue_ and _wild_ like purest chaos woven into the air. _"I do_ so _love the sensations of a physical body, but this feels much more natural."_

Unable to help it, Loki shielded himself from the sudden onslaught, like a bright burning fire, but he felt no heat. Beside him, he knew Stark was doing something similar as he cried out. Loki didn't realize it, but he'd done the same.

 _"Is this what you wish to see, Loki?"_ said a voice like razored ice, coming from seemingly everywhere at once. The blue violence of light that played in front of them engulfed nearly everything, the throne, the _air_ and Loki fought the urge to fall to the floor. _"Is this what you sought? But don't you remember? You found me before."_

Blinking behind his hands, Loki tried to look through the bright haze, but was unable. "I...I don't understand!" he shouted at the mass of energy.

_"Of course you don't. And you don't remember either, do you? Not even what you used to call me? Your...'light in the dark'."_

Loki shook his head in denial. No he didn't remember. Not any of it.

"Loki!" a sudden voice behind him made him jump. "Brother!" He turned around to find none other than Thor standing there.

"Thor?"

The thunderer rushed toward him as he, too, shielded his eyes. "What is this- what is happening?!"

 _"How nice of you to finally join us, Odinson,"_ said the voice.

Loki couldn't believe it. Was it truly him? "B-brother?" Loki stuttered. The other didn't hesitate, he immediately grabbed Loki in a tight embrace and held him for a long moment.

"I have been trying to find you," murmured Thor against his head. "I fought through a throng of endless bodies, enemies in waves like the armies of Hela against only me. I tried to find you. But you weren't there, you weren't _anywhere_. What is happening?" He held Loki closer.

_"That is enough."_

Both brothers turned, although reluctantly, toward the brightness.

Feeling a sudden surge of frustration at... _everything_ , at all that he'd had to endure, because... because _what_? He still didn't understand the reason. So Loki shouted at the mass of brightness, "What _are_ you?! Tell me what you are - why do you hate me so?! Answer me!"

A heavy laugh resounded all around. _"Recall, Loki, after you fell from your Bifrost. Don't you remember?"_ Loki shook his head, trying to remember. _"No? You did express sadness at the time that you remembered so little of your home. But you got it back, even so long after the abyss. Perhaps... perhaps you might remember what the Mad Titan asked of you when you claimed you had some_ use _. Can you remember that?"_

He couldn't be certain, but the brightness before them seemed to be diminishing, if only by small amounts.

But what was it asking? The...Bifrost... The abyss...

He searched that time, that darkness he swam through, and what did he grasp hold of first?

X - X

_"Little godling," Thanos had said, chuckling. "If you can offer me this, then I'll have reason to keep you alive. If not... Well." And he'd smiled. He smiled and Loki had tried to smile back, had tried to seem as confident as he wished in front of the Mad Titan, but instead, he'd trembled in his boots even as he grinned and nodded with all the eloquence he could muster. And it was all pointless. But Thanos' smile... It terrified him, so hollow and flat, like a sky with a vulnerable world beneath its gaze._

_"Yes, of course," responded Loki, but he knew the Titan had seen his fear, had heard the nigh indiscernible tremble in his voice. Still, he'd offered something of value and he'd accepted, and now Loki had to deliver._

_He'd been sent away from the Titan then, to a place he could work._

_It took a week before Loki had made contact. He'd been so proud, but mostly relieved that he'd been able to accomplish what so few could. The Tesseract! He'd reached through the void, through, perhaps, space and time itself, and touched the Stone the Mad Titan sought. But in that void he'd seen other things too, and he feared he would slowly lose his mind if he reached out too often, or for too long. So Loki limited himself as best he could. It was on the third week that the prince realized that the whispered voices he'd been hearing all along came not from the horror of the abyss, but from the Stone itself. The Tesseract was speaking to him._

_Just a day after that realization, the Stone said its first, coherent and understood word: "Father."_

_Loki had been startled, confused. "What?" he'd said, feeling stupid for the word._

_"Father," it said again. The voice shimmered like a vast and endless water that surrounded him. He saw it without eyes, and heard it without ears._

_But what was it calling him? He couldn't let that stand. "No. No, I'm Loki."_

_"Father."_

_"No, I-"_

_"Father?"_

_"I am not your father."_

_A moment past, then it said: "Master."_

_"No-" Well, perhaps that title wasn't too bad. But no. "No, I am not your master either."_

_"Mother?" The endless water was bright and clear, almost blinding._

_Loki chuckled. It was like a child. "No, my light. I am Loki."_

_After that, it hadn't spoken to him in some time. Loki was ready to be disappointed, but only a few days later it spoke again, but this time... it was a little different._

_"Who are you?" it asked through the veil of magic Loki wove, across space and through all the in-between. The endless water was now more like flowing energy, cascading above and beyond._

_"Oh, hello," responded the prince, somewhat taken aback as he sat up on the rickety bed._

_"Or, perhaps," it continued, "_ what _are you is a better question."_

_"You've certainly learned linguistic competency quickly," remarked the prince._

_"And you've not answered my question... Loki."_

_He'd smiled then, and answered: "I am Asgardian, from-"_

_"Asgard. But that's not true at all, is it?"_

_He froze. How could it-?_

_"I can see through your lies, Loki. I do apologize. Was I not supposed to?"_

_Somewhat flustered, but still elated at the new communication, Loki let out a breathy laugh. "No, I... It's alright. However, it's not polite to read other's minds."_

_"I apologize," it said again, "but it's difficult to refrain when my brothers and sisters allow me new powers."_

_"Brothers and sisters?"_

_"Yes. You know them as the Infinity Stones. Curious," it said suddenly._

_Trying to process everything that was unraveling before him, Loki quickly asked, "What- what is?"_

_"I never..._ thought _before now. Before_ you _. How did you teach me?"_

_In truth, Loki was uncertain how he had done it. It had almost been a fluke. Or perhaps there was something about this pocket of in-between space that somehow allowed it, or perhaps it was the interaction with this area of space along with his magic._

_"You don't know," the Stone guessed. He wondered if he'd imagined the disappointed sigh in its words, seeming cold and tired._

_"No I... I don't."_

X - X

Loki's eyes went wide as he inhaled sharply. "You- you're the Tesseract?"

 _"Bingo!"_ said the blue light, which was much smaller than before, hovering before the steps leading to the throne. Loki hadn't even realized the environment still looked like Asgard.

"That's a weird word," murmured Tony.

The lights, blue and bright, formed into what looked to be a vaguely humanoid shape. Its 'head' turned to Stark. _"Well you can thank yourself for that. I learned so much from you- from_ all _of you."_ Its head turned to Loki next. _"But from you I learned the most,_ trickster _."_

A sad smile grew on Loki's lips. "I suppose 'father' was not to your liking, then?"

It seemed to laugh as it threw back its head. _"At the beginning it might have been - but there was a problem with that title, wasn't there?"_ It moved, _hovered_ toward them. _"You were_ unworthy _of it."_

"Loki," said Thor, "what is happening? Is that... is that the _Tesseract_? But how can that be?"

"Same question here, Rudolph," Stark interjected. "And why the fuck does it _hate you_ so much?"

The Tesseract laughed its all-encompassing laugh. _"You mistake one for only one. I am we as much as me. I am my brothers and sisters. I, alone, have the gift of_ thought _so I...borrowed a little of the others' power. I've kept them safe, don't worry."_

Loki didn't understand its meaning. "I don't- I don't understand-"

 _"That's nothing new,"_ smirked the Tesseract.

Glaring at it, Thor said, "Answer us when we ask questions."

 _"You mistake a willingness to answer some of your questions for a desire to actually_ help _you understand. The trickster's right: you're an idiot."_

Thor growled and looked ready to throw Mjolnir, but Loki held him back. "Don't- brother. We are in _its_ domain. Yes?" He turned to the brightness of the Tesseract.

_"Ever so clever, little trickster. I knew I idolized you at the beginning for a reason."_

Loki was taken aback by that. 'Idolized.' What an odd word. He tried to remember back, remember his time in Thanos' domain, but the thoughts that lay there were slippery and soft - they drew away easily, fish in an ever-moving pond.

 _"That's right,"_ encouraged the Tesseract, _"Wrack that supposedly big brain of yours and maybe you'll find your answers."_

He didn't want to listen to it, but he _did_ want to remember. So much of his past had seemed to disappear, and he wasn't sure he could ever get it back. He was frustrated at his inadequacy, at his lost sense of _self._

 _"But can you get it back?"_ asked the Tesseract. _"Or, if you could, would you even_ want _to? You were nothing before, and you're_ still _nothing. Knowing would make no difference."_

Thor said something to him, but Loki was too lost in those words to hear him.

Was it... reading his mind?

It chuckled, _"Sorry about that; I can't resist."_ What had it said, that it had _borrowed_ some of the others' power - the other Infinity Stones? _"Well, yes,"_ the Stone seemed to answer him, _"my brother Mind gave me that power. He's still on Midgard, you know, and he's been_ such _a help with those pesky mortals. We did have so much fun playing with them."_

"Loki," Stark said, "what the fuck did you _do_ while you were out there?" The words themselves should have been accusatory, but his tone reflected only curiosity.

Feeling suddenly ashamed, that he'd more or less _brought this on himself_ , Loki shrunk back. "I-I don't... I don't know."

Thor spoke then, " _You_ brought the Tesseract to life?"

 _"All the Infinity Stones, actually - to a degree,"_ added the Tesseract.

"Thor," Loki looked to him, eyes lachrymose, "Brother, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know this would happen. I didn't know. I was just trying to survive, trying to-"

 _"Yes, yes,"_ sung the cube, _"you had_ no choice _, is that it?"_

Thor was looking at him with a strange expression, and Tony, too. Loki felt so alone, suddenly. He backed a little away from Thor as his body and heart _screamed_ not to. "I...I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have, but I did. I didn't know _this_ would happen."

"Brother..." Thor moved forward and bent down to look him straight in the eyes. "I know. I understand."

Loki shook his head. "No, no you don't. It was- it was the Mad Titan, he...he..."

"You do not have to explain, truly."

"I," Tony put up a finger, "wouldn't mind some explanation."

Thor shot a glare at Tony.

"Fine, never mind," murmured the mortal.

Loki nodded and moved forward, burying his head on Thor's shoulder.

The Tesseract laughed. _"Oh how fun. You two are so_ close _, closer than most brothers. Right, Tony?"_

They all looked to the mortal, who responded with, "Uh..."

* * *

"Look, I don't..." Tony trailed off. The brothers were looking at him, and Thor looked ready to be angry. _Well, fine, whatever_ , thought Tony _._ "Yeah, fine. You guys are kind of... you know, _close_. I mean, for brothers. I mean, _not_ that there's anything... weird... about that..." he trailed off again as the thunder god's eyes grew harder. "Never mind," he said as he pursed his lips.

"You mistake our closeness for some sort of perversion, is that your meaning, Stark?" Thor asked with far too much bite for someone who was supposed to be his friend.

"Hey, no-" 

"It's alright, Thor," Loki murmured quietly as he looked down. "He is right. I should stand more on my own. I rely on you far too much."

That weird Tesseract-laugh echoed all around. _"Actually, I think Tony is saying you two are a_ different _kind of too close. Do you ever even sleep in separate beds now? Aren't you both a little old to be sleeping together? Of course, that would make it easier to do_ other _things-"_

"Hey, shut up!" Tony found himself yelling at the...whatever that thing was. How the hell could the Tesseract be _this_? He wasn't even sure what he was looking at.

Again, it laughed. _"But I'm not finished, Tony. You've had the same thoughts. Come now, it's not as if they're_ blood _related, so what would it matter?"_

"Be silent," Thor seethed, but the Tesseract ignored him.

 _"In fact, Thor, I don't understand why you don't just_ fuck _him already. Clearly you want to."_

Before Thor could rebut, a small keening sound escaped Loki as he backed away from his brother. He shook his head desperately as he seemed to shrink into himself.

Thor sighed and reached out to him. "Brother, you know I would never- surely you do not think I would-"

 _"But why not? He might_ act _as though he would hate it, but you know he would like it eventually. You see the way he acts. Don't you both see how much he_ craves _subjugation? He's just waiting for somebody to take control over him. He_ wants _it even though he can't admit it. Why do you think he wanted you to hold his leash, Tony?"_

Thor swerved around to look at Tony, then back at Loki. "Brother? Did you...?"

_"Yes, he did. I'm not lying, ask either of them."_

Loki only managed a whimper as he continued hugging himself, so Tony decided he would have to clear it up. "Yeah, _fine_ , it's true. But can you blame him? He's-"

 _"Of course we can't blame him,"_ interrupted the Tesseract. _"He's weak and needs looking-after. But you can't just use words, you have to show him_ physically _how much you care, and to do that you have to show him that he belongs to you, that he's yours - because don't people take care of what's theirs?"_

Tony, with as much emphasis as possible, rolled his eyes. "You are seriously one fucked up histrionic son of a bitch."

 _"Are you calling Loki a bitch?"_ it said without even a beat.

 _Okay..._ that was...

He refused to even _think_ the word 'clever' because apparently the thing could read minds. "Shut up," he deadpanned. "And by the way, that's not how, well, _anything_ works. Only sick _freaks_ think that possessiveness is the same as _love_."

"No," interrupted the small voice of Loki. "It's right."

Tony turned to Loki. "You better not say what I think you're about to say."

The trickster moved a few steps forward and laid his head beneath Thor's chin, as if hiding there. "Please, brother," Loki all but whispered.

"Loki..." Thor's voice was low and uncertain.

"If that is what it takes to feel...to feel _safe_ again, then you can have me. I won't fight back."

"No!" Thor grabbed Loki's shoulders and held him at arm's length. "Do not say that."

Loki cried as he hugged himself. "But it is true!"

"I do not care if it is true, I will protect you regardless. I will not... _have_ you, in any sense of the word. Not now, not ever. You are my _brother_."

"B-but that will not last forever!" Loki cried. Thor furrowed his brow in confusion. "You have your Jane. And Asgard. Your duties. They will take you away from me and _I'll be alone_ again. But if I'm...if I'm _yours_ , completely and in every way. If...if I stay in your," he looked down at this, as if in shame, "in your chambers, then I will have naught to worry about."

"Brother, stop!" Thor shook him, as if he could jostle Loki's lost mind with physical action. "How can you say these words?"

As weird and inexplicably sudden this turn of events was, Tony found his mind wandering. Despite his worry for Loki's state of mind - especially _now_ \- he was also certain Thor would never agree, so it was all kind of moot. What was Loki getting at? Or the Tesseract, for that matter? Maybe it found it all amusing and it liked messing with the brothers' heads - which, from what he'd seen, made sense. But in Loki's case, was he _that_ lost? It was like he'd completely misunderstood his brother all these years. Maybe he really was just that fucked up after all he'd been through, all... Tony sighed. He himself had had a hand in that, unfortunately, even if he barely remembered any of it except in half-remembered dreams. So, how could he help? Because he wasn't about to stand idly by waiting to see how all this played out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know! Terrible place to stop. Sorry about that. What did you think of this update?
> 
> Since we're very close to the end, if you have any questions you'd like answered, please ask them now. Hopefully everything will be answered by the end, but this story has been going so long that I might miss a few smaller questions that need answering. There should be at least two more chapters coming.


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